Second Timers: What's your best advice for this transition?

Parents Forum
1

I’ll start:

  1. If you are going to a school that is not accessible by car, but is near an urban area, go NOW to your local Bed Bath and Beyond and register for absolutely everything your student wants for their dorm room. It’s a magical system: you scan the items at your home BBB, they pull them at the (e.g. Boston) BBB, stick them in boxes, and shove them into pods in the parking lot. You pay for nothing. When you arrive in Boston, you take a taxi to the the BBB, give them your ticket, and they dump everything you ordered on a table. You stick the stuff you still want in your cart, hand the rest back, grab a few extras that you forgot, and get in line with your 20% off coupons. We rented a condo, and used our suitcases to carry technology, clothing, and our personal items. We did not need a car - it was infinitely cheaper to get the rest at BBB than ship it or scrounge around town where the pickings were slim. We did buy a few things at Target after she moved in and we saw the last few things she needed. After a week or two, she made one more trip to BBB to exchange a few items and pick up a couple. Hundreds saved on car rental, shipping, suitcase overage charges, etc. FABULOUS system.
  1. Someone on this board recommended the Samsonite Tote a Ton bag, which is basically a nylon duffle bag that is PERFECT for four years of moving in and out and in and out of college locations. Especially excellent for packing all the bedding and keeping it clean, but those bags are tough and light.
  2. Expect that your child will have emotional issues this summer. Some are extremely anxious, some are nasty (pushing away from you), and some are cocky. Those of us who have been there know these are normal (but nerve wracking) reactions to the challenge of a lifetime in their heads. Best response: keep reminding them how well they have done in previous transitions, and express your confidence. They are young adults, and adults treat others respectfully even when stressed. You expect that.
  3. Get ready to change your parenting style from hovering/enabling/supporting to consulting. They WILL call when they are upset, because you are safe and familiar. Let' them vent - remind them when they handled a similar situation effectively - use my line "I can only tell you how I might handle this, but you are there and you have more information". Let them bring it up the next time - don't be the one to ask.

Other tips???

2

Be patient with your kid. Going away is a big deal, even if they don’t admit it. Be patient with yourself. It’s okay to be excited and depressed all at once.

Plan something fun for yourself the first weekend your college student is gone from home.

A few more practical suggestions:

Pack a first aid kit for your student, even if they protest. Fill it with every conceivable medication you can think of: a thermometer, aspirin, tylenol, advil, mucinex, Nyquil (day and night) bandaids, condoms (!), vitamins, cough drops, allergy meds, neosporin.

Book your hotel and flight for parents weekend as soon as the day is announced, especially if your child is going to a big flagship or a small LAC in a city or town with limited hotel rooms.

Book your child’s Thanksgiving airfare (if applicable) the instant you know their schedule.

3

I think @Shoot4moon 's point #3 is especially important. An example - D1, ready to go to college like nobody’s business, was puking her guts out an hour into the drive from the airport to the school. I think the trip to the school can be extremely emotional - make sure you have a barf bag, mouthwash, toothpaste, and pack snacks like you did when they were four.

@Agentninetynine 's point about the medical kit very important!! I would add cans of chicken soup, herbal tea to that list.

I also agree with @Shoot4moon that you buy everything there. I checked into shipping charges on stuff from home, it is cost prohibitive. We bought everything at Target and Costco though. We bought huge cases of water and granola bars.

Each person can bring 2 suitcases for free on Southwest Airlines - who should advertise themselves as the airline for college students.

If your student can coordinate with their roommate, then big purchases (like who buys the area rug, small fridge, printer) might be divided up. D1’s first roommate lived within driving distance brought a rug. We bought the fridge at Target.

4

My dd rolled her eyes at the well stocked first aid kit. Two months into school she called to tell me that it was the best thing I had done for her and that it was already empty! No one on her floor had a kit and she was the go to person. It was restocked for second semester. :wink:

5

Try to convince your child to pack, and then repack leaving half the stuff at home. In most cases they are not going to Antarctica and there is a Target or Walmart or the internet for ordering. One of mine has very little at school, it all stores in 3 Rubbermaid tubs for the summer. The other took a carload to school, then a carload home, then half a carload back, and is now surviving at an internship (dorm like housing) with just 2 duffels of stuff. I suspect when she moves back to school in the fall she’ll have just those two duffels and later in the year her hockey gear.

The carload child completely changed her fashion style, which was caused by the weather and convenience. It was cold so sweatshirts became the norm, and she didn’t like doing a lot of laundry so learned it was possible to wear jeans for more than 5 minutes before putting them in the laundry. Many of her perfect-for-college outfits she’d packed and lugged to school never saw the light of day.

6

If driving, leave shirts/dresses/pants/jackets/sweatshirts/ etc., clothes on hangers. Take a black yard trash bag (large) turn it upside down, poke a hole in the middle seam. Use it like a garment bag, slipping it over as many hangers as you want, tying or cinching it at bottom. You won’t have to use boxes, or unfold and hang when you get there. Just tear the bag, and hang em’ up and recycle bag. :slight_smile: Sometimes I rubber band the hangers at the top so they don’t slip down into the bag.

As a bonus, these can wad into spaces in the car easier than a box!