Check out the Common App essay of this student, who was accepted at Stanford University. https://insights.collegeconfidential.com/stanford-essays-that-worked
I don’t believe it’s the quality of this essay but the fact that it shows the writer to be severely challenged in family life and environment that got her in.
I liked the writing and I loved the attitude of this young woman, but the essay content matters. Her parents were a 17 year old high school drop out and her 27 year old boyfriend. The dad left them and the mom became a drug user/seller. Yet this young woman apparently did well enough academically, in spite of her background, to be eligible for admission to Stanford. I think that’s what got her in, not the essay.
I’ve learned to take so called “essays that worked” with a grain of salt. Like that Costco essay that got supposedly got a young lady into a bunch of Ivy’s, and it turned out she also had a hook.
From a style standpoint, I do like the rhythm. “Don’t do x they told her…she didn’t listen…they were right…” Keeps a nice beat, makes it easy to read, and had this reader wanting to see where the train was headed.
It’s all tell, no “show.” And if I had a dollar for every kid who thinks they wrote a great book… She appears to be saying she prefers her own company and books? The rest of her app/supp must have overcome this.
Nicely written, sure. Helped her get the admit? Don’t think anyone can say that without seeing the rest.
Sure, you would have to see the rest of the application and see how this fit into the whole. But I liked it. It had a rhythm that pulled you in and gave you context for this student. She explained not only where inspiration came from but that she was imagining a life other than the one she has. If I were an AO, after reading this essay, I would feel like I had a little more insight into this student beyond what everything that is simply listed on the app.