I appreciate the collective wisdom on this board. I would like to put our situation out there just to be sure we are making the right decision.
Our oldest son has been accepted at several colleges. We have two younger kids still at home, so need to keep in mind they will be going to college as well and conserve resources. We are California residents.
Here are our choices-
Son has been accepted to and is considering 2 private colleges with good offers of grant/merit aid. One is a more interesting opportunity to him as it is in a large city far away from home. The other is in the Midwest and he is not real interested in attending there to be honest. That being said, he does not have a strong desire to go away from home right now anyway. Both of these are good schools but would require us taking out some loans, but not more than the student loan amount of 5500, 6500, 7500.
Son has been waitlisted at the only UC campus he applied to and is really interested in attending.(He is ELC so has option of attending UC Merced but he has no interest in doing so). Ironically, even though we are instate, UC is still more money than the two privates listed above because they were very generous with merit/grants. Anyway, it is probably not a real consideration as he is waitlisted.
We are fortunate to live very near a CSU campus that is very well thought of. He is accepted there and could live at home while attending. He would graduate debt free if he takes this option.
We also live near a well regarded California community college. They offer a scholarship that he has applied for and I anticipate he will receive as it is automatic and he falls within the stats for it. It will basically pay for him to attend there and help with books. So if he attends there we have no out of pocket costs–anything he earns while working he can save for a UC transfer or grad school. After his two years are done he could transfer to either the local CSU or a UC campus (or anywhere really–the whole thing would start all over again). This community college has a really strong transfer rate to UC campuses so he would have a second chance at his UC choice.
Ultimately it is his choice. I just want to be sure we are not making a mistake if we pass up on the private college options. Right now we are thinking his best options would be 3 or 4. He plans to attend graduate school so it seems unwise to take on debt even for such an exciting opportunity as the New York City school. Options 3 or 4 would mean he graduates from undergrad debt free. He is leaning towards option number 4 because it preserves his opportunity to go away in two years. He does not feel ready to go away right now but I think he does not want to commit to four more years at home so the local CSU is not as appealing an option as the community college.
Are we missing something? Any thoughts/advice will be appreciated. Thank you!
If he has qualms about being away from home, nyc is awfully far to be. You don’t want to end up in a position where he goes to the private nyc school and then decides he doesn’t like it and comes home. That would be a poor use of time and resources. So you are probably right in thinking 3 or 4 are the best options
@suzy100 He wants to be a lawyer. @intparent No. Mainly because of lack of time due to games./practices (varsity sports which are in full swing and he loves and does not want to miss any part of in his last year). When it came down to missing a game or school visits, he chose to play. He even passed up a local accepted student reception in the biggest city near to us in favor of sport related obligation. But sports have been this kid’s passion his whole life.
@wisteia100 Thank you. I agree with you. The farther we get into his process the more I realize he is not at all ready to go away and does not really have the desire to do so. He likes too many things about home right now and I do think he would have a difficult time adjusting to being so far away. Yes, he may ultimately come to love it. But there is just as good a chance (or even better) that that never happens and he gets homesick and comes home.
He isn’t serious about those out of state schools, and isn’t going to pick them sight unseen. His college choice is a lot more important than any EC, but if he hasn’t made visiting a priority, then you should just take them off the list and pick between the last two choices. My guess is that if he had visited,he might very well pick one of them, though.
OP, one thing I think kids who want to stay close to (or at) home forget is that most of their friends are likely not going to be around next year, and so everything is going to change. Has he said what school he prefers?
@intparent I agree he is not serious about them. But I want to be sure we are not making a mistake by not pushing him to considering them more seriously. I see on this website that taking on debt is not a wise decision. Because of that and because I know he is reluctant to leave home we have not pushed college visits. That is what I want to know by posting this thread–are we making a mistake? Is the nyc school --with some but not much debt --a significantly better opportunity than cc or a CSU debt free?
I have been considering accepting the offer from the nyc school and depositing, just in case. Then when senior year and sports are over at last we can visit. If he decides he does not want to attend all we will have lost is our deposit correct? And he will always be able to attend the community college.
My husband says it is me more than our son who wants the New York City school! He is probably right
@suzy100 More of his friends are staying local than leaving. His friends are his fellow athletes, and most of them will go to the community college and a few to the csu. That is a factor in his wanting to stay local.
He prefers the community college. He is pretty mature when it comes to finances, is debt averse and prefers to save what he has for law school.
@Booajo Great question. Not the sport he loves the most. He does not have the talent to move to the next level of competition at the schools we are considering. He may be able to play his second sport at that level. But we have talked a lot about that–there is a lot of time that goes into playing a sport, especially at those high levels. He has decided he will not do sports in college beyond purely for fun and relaxation so he can focus on studying (after all for law school you need a high GPA! His time can be spent competing for that!). So after high school playing sports will be behind him.
However, another thing keeping him local is the opportunity to be an assistant coach at his high school. In his favorite sport. He will probably do that. He loves the program–it is an honor to be asked. It would keep him involved in a sport his is really passionate about,
Without knowing the schools it is hard to know if it would be a mistake. In our family we had our kids visit their top choices for accepted student visits, although your timeframe would be very short to make travel arrangements at this point (a lot of them are happening in the next week or so). Then it was completely their decision.
@intparent New York school is Fordham. Midwest school is Lawrence. Yes, Fordham has events this weekend and we did offer him the opportunity to go to that. He was a little interested but not willing to miss things he has going on at the same time.
What is his planned major? I personally like Lawrence the best of the two, but they are quite different schools.
Honestly, this is the issue that deciding to wait to visit until after acceptances causes every spring. Students just aren’t likely to commit to a school sight unseen, nor should they. They then take the easiest path, which may or may not be good for them in the long run. None of us can say what is the best thing for him – only you and he can, but you are working with incomplete information. I will say that as parents, we didn’t let them use ECs as an excuse to skip visits at the end. Unless your kid is competing for some national title in something, the decision of where to go to school FAR outweighs any individual game, practice, concert, match, etc. Neither of you has any room to eventually complain about what he decides if he doesn’t put in the effort this month, and you don’t insist that he does if he is reluctant. It sounds like he may be perfectly happy with community college. But know that if he wants to transfer to Lawrence or Fordham later instead of a state school in CA, he won’t get the same financial deals – those options are probably off the table if he doesn’t start as a freshman.
@intparent For Lawrence, Fordham, and UC he applied as a classical civilization major. For the local CSU he is a history major as they do not offer classics/classical civilization.
And mea culpa on waiting until it was too late in terms of visits and these decisions. That is squarely on my husband and me. I have learned a lot and will be better prepared when the time comes for our two younger kids. We never considered OOS schools or anything much beyond local CSU or the community college at all until we got his SAT score. (And even that was taken late!). But his score was a good one and his GC strongly encouraged him to consider applying to four year schools. So I started googling what schools he could get into with his scores which led me here.
I learned about merit aid and Lawrence from this website Lawrence has been great–they made him a wonderful offer and the personal attention from them is so nice. But Wisconsin holds no interest at all for him. Fordham sent us a fee waiver via email and it was on the common application so I figured why not apply there. They have also made him a very generous offer of merit/grants (more than we were expecting to be honest. So, Fordham went from a school we had barely heard of to one which, the more I learn about it, the more interested I become. My son, not so much.
In terms of school visits versus sports, as I said he was never very interested at all and that is the reason we never pushed it. If he wanted to go on school visits, great. But since he does not and shows little interest in attending these schools then I am not going to make him miss something he truly loves to do when he does have a sensible option available to him (of community college or local CSU).
I think I may have negatively influenced the Fordham option even more because I kept telling my husband and son how this fantastic website said “the best college is the one you can afford” and how lucky we were to live near a school where son could graduate debt free. Now all of a sudden I have the New York dream and a little debt doesn’t seem so bad …
We do know that if he transfers merit aid/grants won’t be there. I think for that reason if he transfers then it will be to a UC or a CSU here in California.
Really he is content to go to cc. I think it may be me more than him that wonders ‘what if.’
I really appreciate all the thoughts and advice! This is just what I was hoping for
The draw of schools isn’t usually (and shouldn’t be) where they are located. College students spent a lot of time on campus, and the question is what are the opportunities there and what are the people like. It doesn’t sound great for him to go someplace where his preferred major isn’t really offered, either. But if you can’t stir his interest to visit, then you can’t.
@intparent While the CSU does not offer classics, they do have profs who offer courses in ancient history in the areas he is interested in. So it is not as bad as it sounds. And of course, if he took the CC option then transferred to UC, they do offer classics and classical civilization majors.
I know the school is more than the geographical location but my son does not. And to a kid who has always lived here, and likes living here a lot, it is hard to convince him!
You said something to caught my eye particularly: the question is what are the opportunities there and what are the people like
Although i know you intended it to apply to colleges elsewhere, it made me think. I think he knows full well the opportunities he has here already (and there are some good ones—the scholarship that makes CC basically free to attend, coaching, plus a good speech/debate club at the CC he knows about-a friend of his is involved there and it sounds great-he wants to participate in it). And he knows what life is like here and likes it, as well as the people here.
I think I may have my answer. Perhaps he will want to go elsewhere after two years at the cc.
I figured from your first post that was where he would end up. But I would put in a plug for Lawrence if he decides he is going to visit just one of them (we have visited, and one of my kids applied and was admitted with good merit aid).
@intparent Lawrence seems like a wonderful place! I have loved everything about their approach. (Tell me truly, does every acceptance letter ask if they can use your essay to show future applicants? My husband said “oh they say that to everyone” but I hope that is not true!) Their personal approach is very nice! I feel as if they really paid attention to my sons application and want him to attend there.
Did your child attend Lawrence?
I will sit my son down (once again) and discuss the Lawrence option. He likes some things (classics prof has emailed him, personalized letter of acceptance, etc) about it but just dismisses it it because Wisconsin seems so far away to him.
Lawrence has been great–they made him a wonderful offer and the personal attention from them is so nice. But Wisconsin holds no interest at all for him. Fordham sent us a fee waiver via email and it was on the common application so I figured why not apply there. They have also made him a very generous offer of merit/grants (more than we were expecting to be honest. So, Fordham went from a school we had barely heard of to one which, the more I learn about it, the more interested I become. My son, not so much.