I was wondering if anyone here has experience with sending their daughter abroad to work, study, volunteer, etc.?
She has expressed an interest in doing this and I’m having a hard time deciding for a number of reasons, my main two are safety and whether or not it will provide her with more opportunities in life.
At http://theleap.co.uk/gap-year-travel/south-america/, I found quite a few programs that seem to offer a lot of opportunity for travel, working, and/or volunteering. They seem to cover everything, but I’m unsure if something like this would be right for my daughter.
Has anyone ever sent their son or daughter abroad before? What were the pros and cons?
Regarding “opportunities” in life, I can say looking back that my D1’s 3 experiences abroad (2 in high school and 1 in college) were turning points in her maturation into an adult. Each time when she came back, I was struck by her increased confidence and ability to navigate the world in a more adult way. it didn’t particularly impact her career choice or contacts in any way (now 25 and doing very well in a good job). But I think the increased poise, confidence, and broader perspective have been a huge and positive impact on her. I would encourage your daughter to do this!
Is she a college student, or in the process of selecting a college? Most colleges offer semester or summer abroad experiences. They usually have some programs of their own, or partner with other programs to give students a range of options. Some majors even require study abroad at some schools (international relations and foreign language majors).
Help us better understand your situation. Is your daughter a high school senior, or is she already in college? Are you looking for a Gap year adventure?
Is your daughter a confident, mature traveler? Can she easily navigate subway maps? Has she traveled before and can you see her mingling with folks in another culture? A mother’s gut instinct about their child is something to take into consideration.
I know my first instinct is always protection, though, so I am usually uncomfortable inside as I tell him “great plan, sounds great. I know you’ll do well and have a fun adventure!” And every time, my kids have risen to the occasion and proven themselves capable.
Sent kids abroad to study and to work for summers. We had hoped to send them for gap years but the kids didn’t want to go for that long.
The biggest disadvantage was cost. It cost more to send them to study abroad than to keep them here. The cost of living was higher, plus we were willing to pay more for safety and for them to have unique experiences (i.e. side trips). The child who worked had room and board supplied, but there were still costs outside of that.
The advantages? Too numerous to list. The kids met new people and saw new places, learned how to manage alone, learned to think on their feet, and mastered the material we sent them to learn. They returned more mature and worldly and full of stories to tell. They are both more confident.
Is worry a disadvantage? I throw that out there. Sure, I worried about both kids. I worried about small, mundane things like missed flights, and bigger things like terrorism. It was harder for us to communicate due to different time zones and hitches in phone plans. I really wanted the kids to have these adventures, though, would have wanted them for myself when I was their age. I feel like the experience changed our relationships for the better. I had to trust them and they ended up missing me----wanting to call and talk to me.
Long term advantages have yet to be fully realized. Their language skills are better, I can see that. They learned to shop and cook. They learned to get out of scrapes, like taking the wrong train and being late for meetings. I see they can read cultural cues better. It all makes them more flexible, creative thinkers.
You have to look at each kid to decide when theyre ready. D is in Greece for the semester, and has weekend trips scheduled to Istanbul, Rome, and Paris so far. But she’s also an independent kid who can take care of herself - she’s spent summers living/working away at camp for years now, has spent lots of time in cities navigating public transportation, can handle her own medical issues and finances. And is showing she has no problem arranging her own travel as well
It’s a great experience, one I wish I’d had, and would love for every kid to have. You have to judge when the time is right, and what your D is ready to handle. As intparent said, even if it doesn’t tie in to future career opportunities, the maturity and life experience is invaluable.
Programs that send students abroad for internships, work, or study can vary quite a bit in quality or the amount of support provided to students, or even in basic language instruction. I would try to find at least one reference for any program you are considering, especially if your D is not familiar with the language or culture of her destination, she is traveling alone, the area can be unsafe, you have no friends or family near her destination, and/or your D has not traveled out of the country before.
I would also take a hard look at your D’s maturity, any risks specific to her destination, and any opportunity costs of not pursuing options (unique internships, classes)available at home. If she is considering a gap year following high school, she might find that she will have more options if she has been admitted to a university but defers a year, if the university network helps her find a placement.
I spent a year in Tour France in a French immersion program between high school and college. I was 16 at the time and had a great year. Started college running and being fluent in French gave me a number of opportunities I would not have had otherwise.
International study/work/volunteer abroad experiences range from the highly structured and supervised, to ‘bare back’ (as in, your kid heads off with her passport and credit card and some plans that hopefully she articulated to you in advance.)
D studied abroad in high school (very structured - central American country), and college (structured-European country, bare back-European country). She’s graduated and working overseas now. As inparent said, they were transformative experiences. But not without some drama. Llife lessons aren’t all free. The less structured it is, the more you need to think about the safety net - who do you know that you trust who can get to her in a pinch? Talk through the scenarios that she may encounter and have to deal with - wallet stolen, illness, men being inappropriate/aggressive, stranded somewhere, etc…(This isn’t meant to scare you. It could happen in the US too. But she needs to think through how she’ll cope in an unfamiliar environment.)
Good points/questions about your daughter’s age and experience level. A younger, newbie traveler will need more structure than a college aged kid who has traveled lots before. You can find all levels of structure in travel programs, too.
My kids went first as high school students. Those first trips were highly structured and chaperoned. As college students with some travel under their belts, I can send them off alone with credit card, phone, and a little cash. That’s not to say I don’t worry and that everything goes smoothly, but I have faith that the kids will figure it out.
And not just experience travel- does your kid make her own dentist appointments? Has she had to call a bank’s 800 number to get a mis-charge removed from her account? Does she self-advocate??? Does she do laundry and regular chores at home?
We hosted an Exchange student from Germany through Youth For Understanding…they have training about their host country, etc and also live with a family so there is someone watching out for them.
My daughter studied in Spain for five months as high school sophomore. She turned 16 while she was there. Best experience EVER!!! Yes, she went through culture shock and adjustment, but she gained so much maturity and made lifelong friends. She went through CIEE. I can’t say enough good about this company!
Our only mistake was not getting the right kind of phone service. We wasted a couple of thousand dollars, no joke! Stupid, I know.
Like @lizardly, D first went abroad on a highly structured closely chaperoned trip. Especially for her first time in a non-English speaking country, that was a great introduction.
She’s now at an American university abroad, so there’s a support structure but also a lot of freedom.
The cell phone thing is important to research. D purchased a local SIM card and messages me via wifi typically. The most cost-effective solutions vary by country.
GMTson did study abroad in South America during the summer when he was only a 16 y.o. HS student. He lived with a host family that spoke little to no English. It was a good developmental experience for him.
It is a long story, but D1’s first trip to Europe on a summer program turned out to be “lightly” chaperoned. That is also the trip where she mature the most. Public transit in foreign cities, ordering food, etc – she gained a lot of skills.
I did an exchange program through my high school to a school in France as a 16 year old, lived with a family for 3 months, no other students from the US with me. Traveled all around nearby Paris on my own. The following summer I did the backpacker thing through 3 countries totally solo, though I met people and traveled with them. That was 6 weeks and I saved the $ for it myself.
Of course, this was in the 1980s, and I was also allowed to play outside until dark, take the city bus and subway from a young age, and care for myself after school until my parents got home from work. What we’d now call a “free range kid”.
My daughter is spending a year in France right now. She spent the entire summer in England on a paid fellowship, so I haven’t seen her in person since June. She is a junior in college. Do I worry? Of course. But we did a lot of planning with her before she left. She has a chronic health condition, so needed to find a doctor before she left. She also had to work with her doctors and our insurance company to get enough of her medication before she left. She did all of this by herself. And after she got to France, she had a medical problem, unrelated to her chronic condition, that required a middle of the night ER trip! She is fine now. The way she handled this has convinced me that she was more than ready to go and that she will be fine.
And she is having the time of her life now, living with a French family, and taking a full load of classes.
And I agree with @MaineLonghorn that the right phone plan is critical. We bypass the phone altogether and use Facebook messenger to chat (it’s FREE!) as well as Skype, but she ended up buying a French simcard for her iPhone to make local calls, which she needs.
D1’s home cell phone wouldn’t take another country’s SIM without an expensive upgrade, so she simply got the local version of a pre-paid and we skyped.
If a parent is worried, you go with a program that has checks and balances, plans in place for any crises, and does somehow watch the kids, make sure they show up where they’re supposed to.
D1 did 2 stays while in college, one 3rd world grant after. We worried, sure. But thousands of kids do these every year and come home safe and sound, the better for it. I did one at 15, 6 weeks of study and travel.
