<p>I am frustrated and sad at some of the changes in behavior that my senior has been exhibiting in the past 2 months.I have a few books that describe some of these negative changes as very common but I still find it hard to believe that it is OK and that he will get back to his normal self.</p>
<p>My son has been a relatively easy child to raise since infancy really. Good appetite, slept well, always happy,loves his family and friends, is respectful and hard-working. He is not the best at any one skill or subject but he is very good at many . He is well liked and moving on a healthy path so far. But his attitude has changed as well as some of his behavior. I received a call from his AP Calc teacher a few weeks ago to say that he is not doing his work and has failed two tests. Math is his forte and has always had good grades and been very responsible with his homework. Despite promises to get the work done, retake the tests and get some extra credit, he has not followed through. Today the teacher called back to say that he will pass the course but fail the quarter. He has been in the top 10% of his class all of high school and now he goofs off. He can't even give me a good explanantion of why.A few other of his grades in AP courses also taken a nosedive according to his 5 week report for the 4th quarter. </p>
<p>He has always been easy to get along with but he frequently talks back to me now. We have had a few screaming matches over it and I am very upset. I have even found out that he has lied to me on a few occasions.</p>
<p>He has no signs of deression or anxiety and does not use drugs or alcohol( his behavior suggests not and his close friends concur).He has no chronic health problems and takes no medications. He appears to be "normal" with his friends.</p>
<p>I have always been very close to my son and had a very nice relationship.He has been very active in sports ,academics and other activities and has wanted me at every event to see him. We spent many, many hours on college visits, applications, discussions, etc. This change in him is very distressing.</p>
<p>I have been sad to think of him leaving home for college in August but his behavior changemakes these emotions very confusing.</p>
<p>No great explanation except this is typical for kids getting ready to move on to college. On local psychologist said they behave this way to make you glad they are leaving in the fall. My son when through the same thing, but now 3 years later, is back to being a nice kid.</p>
<p>I think it's a normal part of separation. It can be hard for a child to break away from a home that feels utterly comfortable to them, so they (unconsciously) start picking fights to make it easier to leave. It's no fun for the parents, unfortunately--though I guess it can make it slightly less painful to say goodbye in the fall.</p>
<p>I was in a senior in high school in 2000-2001 and I definitely noticed a change in myself. While I continued to get all A's, participate in track and field and other activities, I was sick of it all. All I wanted was to get out of high school and leave my hometown. So I often appeared to be agitated and had a short temper. Even getting accepted to college wasn't good enough because I still had to wait to get there. I calmed down after I spent some time in college because then I was in the beginning stages of a new "journey" and had some time to go before it would end. Now that I have one more year of college left (for a total of 5 years as an undergrad in engineering), my patience is beginning to wear out again. Honestly, I hate school. I like learning but I hate dealing with professors, problem sets, exams, etc. I like having a job. You still have to deal with a lot of BS, but it is a different kind and I am better suited for it. The point of my story is that at various times in my life I was ready for a change and got more agitated as I had to keep waiting for the change to come along.</p>
<p>Gaptd, S1 wanted to take a zero on his calc final since he had an A first semster and an A third quarter and a B 4th quarter. He made other plans on the day of the final. When I caught wind of the situation, I made him take the exam while his friends waited in the parking lot to go to an amusement/water park. He was out in no time and got a 50 or so on the final. He scored a 4 on the AP Calc test, so you can see what kind of effort expended and attitude that was there. It is hopefull the end stages of senioritus which will then evaporate over the some with lots of surliness at times, but a new start at college is sometimes the cure. You keep your fingers crossed. It happens a lot and makes the separation a bit easier as Helicoptermom points out. I always say that it is a luxery and privilige to miss your kid. Too often, kids are a few steps from running off or getting thrown out. Part of the growing pains, I guess.</p>
<p>From the perspective of a college-bound senior, I can tell you that my small town is getting tiny and school has no point anymore; I hate to say that, but with a week and a half left until The End, I can't even make myself work on my AP Lit term paper. My father is constantly asking whether I have work, how I'm doing in school - does he really think I'm not going to graduate? My mother is always talking about college paperwork or job interviews or something or other, and my sister is busy studying for Regents exams. And here I am, valedictorian, wondering if I'll end up writing my speech the night before, god forbid.</p>
<p>These summer evenings are so far removed from those crazy nights I had to stay in school 'till ten to get the school paper out, or work on three essays and a calc practice exam, or click and refresh and click until I got my SAT scores... Suddenly, all of the pressure is gone, and we have this little cradle of space between high school and college when we can just drift, before being thrown into the crazy world of college. It's strange and I feel a little bit aimless, but I don't even want to think about another ambitious project or independent study - just give me this time, please.</p>
<p>My best friend's mother said to her once--and she is a wise woman--that "they get you ready to let them go." My son is a wonderful kid and has been, pretty much throughout all stages, relatively "easy"--but this last patch is very hard. Cranky, unpredictable, seemingly ungrateful, definitely irritable. I think it is part of the getting ready to let go in hard and important ways....</p>
<p>I also think, for the kids that have really been "good kids" all along--there is a certain wise "kick your heels up and be a little bad" impulse that we probably ought to forgive. They have watched other kids get away with so much while they have toe-d (or is it towed) the line and done the work.... </p>
<p>Maybe we are going to be better off if they act up a little now--rather than once they are out of sight and in the much less supervised college world.</p>
<p>In any case, your guy sounds like he's in the throes of something pretty normal for a transition like this. It's not easy to leave home if it's been good there.....</p>
<p>My Daughter has gone through some really challenging changes. </p>
<p>She was always easy to get along with, in the top of her class, a tennis champ and a seemingly happy go lucky kid. Suddenly, she became very distant, was not interested in family events, was often disrespectful and had an attitude of indifference. She was a strait A student, an athlete, and was raised in church and never gave any indication of the trouble that was brewing. She began to develop a real passive-agressive air about her. </p>
<p>She has since graduated.......and things have gotten better. I think that kids have mixed emotions about leaving home. They yearn for their independence but deep down they are scared and apprehensive.</p>
<p>We were gearing up for her to go off to school and she seemed like she could hardly wait to get out of the house. Because she had done so well in school she received alot of honors. Many of her friends also in the top 10% of their class were going off to a prestigious schools. It turns out my daughter was overwhelmed. She came to us crying saying I don't know where I want to go and what I want to study. She admitted she did not want to leave home and was suffering anxiety from all of the major decisions she had to make.</p>
<p>She decided to spend a semester at a junior college while she figures things out. We feel like somehow we let her down but she seems much happier with the pressure off.</p>
<p>I must say that I, too, have seen increased irritablity in my son lately. Always an easy kid, he now seems to respond to everything we say with an overbearing attitude. Its sad when you just want to enjoy them before they go off to college, and instead, your time together full of discord.
However, in the case of the OP's son, I don't know if suddenly starting to fail classes by a previously high achieving student falls into the category of typical reaction to impending separation. While it may relate to these same issues, it sounds somewhat more extreme, and I think without knowing him, one has to be careful about giving blind reassurance. I would suggest that the parents continue to try to explore with their son (at a quiet time, not during an argument) what might be troubling him, and to keep eyes, ears, and mind open to the possibility that more is going on. Perhaps he might even want to talk to a professional or some other trustworthy adult in his life.</p>
<p>
[quote]
I was in a senior in high school in 2000-2001 and I definitely noticed a change in myself. While I continued to get all A's, participate in track and field and other activities, I was sick of it all. All I wanted was to get out of high school and leave my hometown. So I often appeared to be agitated and had a short temper. Even getting accepted to college wasn't good enough because I still had to wait to get there. I calmed down after I spent some time in college because then I was in the beginning stages of a new "journey" and had some time to go before it would end. Now that I have one more year of college left (for a total of 5 years as an undergrad in engineering), my patience is beginning to wear out again. Honestly, I hate school. I like learning but I hate dealing with professors, problem sets, exams, etc. I like having a job. You still have to deal with a lot of BS, but it is a different kind and I am better suited for it. The point of my story is that at various times in my life I was ready for a change and got more agitated as I had to keep waiting for the change to come along.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>I am the same way. I'm so tired of doing work and not getting sleep, but I have no clue what to do after I graduate. Honestly, I haven't thought about it at all. :/</p>
<p>During my senior year of high school a few decades back, I fell in love, had my heart broken, fell in love again, grew a beard, came to gym class "unprepared" the last fourteen classes (after learning that they could only flunk you for being unprepared 15 times), and discovered alcohol (legally, in that long-ago era).</p>
<p>But if my "normal self" is defined by the person I was at 17, then, no, I never got back to being my normal self.</p>
<p>Will your son's college admissions be revoked if he fails a class??? You need to let him know that this is a definite possibility!! Many schools tell you in writing that you are accepted - but that it is dependent on you maintaining the same high level of scholarship that you have shown in the past. If you flunk classes or get low grades you may not have a place to attend in the fall. Although some of this sounds like senioritis, I also worry that this will negatively impact your son's college plans.</p>
<p>A school where a daughter of a friend of mine attends waives all finals & final papers, projects, etc., for seniors who have at least a B in a course (optional). She worked hard enough to make sure she had B's and then relaxed the last couple of weeks. Nice idea. She is no slacker, the kid is going to a great school in the fall, but was very happy they had this policy.</p>
<p>Went through this with our oldest. A wise friend told me that "Baby birds soil the nest before they leave it." It may be your child's way of separating, by pulling away emotionally so he can pull away physically at the end of the summer.</p>
<p>Oldest has bee back home since December, post-graduation, working and being generally lovely and considerate. This too shall pass.</p>
<p>Went through this with our oldest. A wise friend told me that "Baby birds soil the nest before they leave it." It may be your child's way of separating, by pulling away emotionally so he can pull away physically at the end of the summer.</p>
<p>Oldest has been back home since December, post-graduation, working and being generally lovely and considerate. This too shall pass. Meaning the senior nastiness, not the being lovely and considerate.</p>
<p>gaptd, this may just be a case of FIGMA (akin to our behavior when I was in the military after we received our orders in which case it was FIGMO...f--- it, I got my orders...in this case Admission rather than orders). However, although I know it may not seem likely to you, but when a previously high functioning kid has a drop off like this one must consider the possibility of new drug use or depression. Consider a visit with your family doctor.</p>
<p>I suspect that many of the parents here are right, that students may unconsciously want to make life unbearable just before they are set to leave for college.</p>
<p>Our sister-in-law has told my wife and I not to worry about feeling bad when our kids leave for college. She says, by the time they leave, you are glad to see them go! :) She and her husband have sent three kids to college and she probably is a pretty good authority! :)</p>
<p>She and her husband have a very strong relationship with all three sons, in spite of whatever happened just before they departed for college.</p>
<p>My son is a rising h.s. senior. Today, I don't want him to go very far off to college. But, during this next year, it would not suprise me if his attitude changes that. :)</p>
<p>MY D1 was a straight A student, toughest classes, athlete, arts, etc., all around great kid. She had an on-again off-again boyfriend thing going on all that senior year and it made her crazy. She was also sooo ready to be done, very cyncial about the politics (BF was one of the anointed ones of the school), etc. By the last three months, she was making some lousy decisions- nothing dangerous, just a less than respectful attitude toward some of the adults on campus. A few weeks later, after a miserable summer, we put her on a Greyhound bus to visit her old friends in the town where she grew up! </p>
<p>By the time I met her at her university, she loved us again and was a joy to be with once again. It was amazing the dramatic change in her personality, back to her "old self" albeit older and more independent.</p>
<p>Suffice to say, she was miserable to be with the last three months of high school and over the summer, but was great by September and has remained her old self.</p>
<p>I was greatly encouraged by the stories on this board about other kids who were cranky. Knowing this was "normal" helped me to stay mellow throughout the summer.</p>
<p>My current D2 has been great all year, not a moment's hassle! She has been playing on really high level sports team traveling plus is a three sport athlete in school; therefore, she has had no time to be a little bugger, she's too busy with the logistics. I would highly recommend this method- keep them over busy- it's been a lot more fun! :D</p>
<p>Well, glad to see we have company here. My senior S seriously slacked off this last quarter and has ended up with two C's in AP classes on his 2nd semester report card. Never had C's before in his life! His 3rd quarter report card -- which serves only as a progress report and is not part of the permanent record -- actually had D's and an F on it! I love this kid dearly but I wanted to kill him! This from a student in the top 5% of his class, NMS, etc... He had to get a 3.0 unweighted overall GPA for 2nd semester for Berkeley and he said that's all he was going to do, that he was totally unmotivated by any of the projects, finals, papers or coursework for the last quarter (and there was a TON of it!). Luckily, he got A's in his other easy courses. </p>
<p>At one point two weeks ago, he had 8 or 9 big projects due over four days and he sat around playing video games, going to Star Wars and just basically procrastinating. He ended up pulling an all nighter before the last day of school and didn't even quite finish his biology project. My H and I were beside ourselves thinking this kid was going to lose his admission to Cal, and we were resentful that (we felt) he was putting us on this tightrope when we should have been enjoying the last few weeks of his school days. Last year he was so on top of things and motivated and driven. There's nothing wrong with him (no drugs or depression or anything) just senioritis, but I don't respect the work ethic he displayed this semester and, while I'll miss him, am thankful I will not ever have to witness the procrastination and laziness again after he leaves for college! He is ready to go and we are getting ready to happily let him!</p>
<p>What a difference a year makes. This time last year we were ready to cut child #1 out of the will. He's back in our good graces after a year away at school, and child #2 -- a h.s. grad for all of three weeks--is the one that is borderline insufferable. If I become any more stupid, I'll have a negative IQ. Not to worry, fall is just around the corner!</p>