<p>Our child was suspended "indefinitely" for drinking on campus. The school has a no tolerance policy on campus. Everyone knows this. The incident happened over the weekend. We are obviously heartbroken. The ramifications of this are so overwhelming it is hard to comprehend. Needless to say, one bad decision can alter the course of your life. Our child is an honor student with many leadership positions and is has already finished and submitted college applications, including applying for three different scholarships at three colleges. Ironically, all letters of recommendation are in, grades are all As, etc etc. A nightmare at best. The right thing to do is to notify the schools of what has happened. Not sure how to proceed on this. The school is allowing our child to finish the semester at home (one week of finals) and will put on the resume "withdrew voluntarily" with no notification of the reason. But, let's be serious, who changes schools mid year? To try to pretend this did not happen is not in the equation nor would it be honest. We are at a complete loss, haven't slept all night, and have not a clue what to do when the sun comes up this morning. Our child is completely remorseful and sorry...A truly good child who has really made a very bad choice in life. These are the consequences of bad decisions. We just never imagined it would happen to us. Advice?</p>
<p>Hiking1011- what a horrible situation, I feel for you. Teenagers make bad decisions, it could happen to any one of us. Is it a private school? Often they will help navigate the college process after an incident like this even though the student is technically withdrawn from the school. I’ve even known a few to finish out the year with tutoring and still end up with a diploma from the school. They should give you some guidance on what happens next.</p>
<p>thanks, and yes, it is a private school. We are to speak this morning. In any event, though, I can’t see how our child can interview for a scholarship without being forthcoming about what has happened. I just don’t know what advice to give or what the next step should be. This is so sad; a top student, 99th p’tile scores on the SAT and ACT, etc etc. It makes one pause to think how a life can change in an instant. We were talking last night about decisions and how they can change a life, such as a drunk driver who kills someone, or a kid who cheats on an exam out of pressure to succeed, and so on.</p>
<p>Definitely press the school to help you out with finishing up the college process! I think that most school officials know that teenagers make bad mistakes, and don’t want to totally ruin the kid’s future, especially given the outstanding record up to this point. The scholarship interviews will be more difficult, I think.</p>
<p>School officials really do understand, as baystate says, that kids make terrible mistakes. And sometimes the best kids make the worst mistakes-- the others are better at hiding it. Ask for any help the school can give you–they know your son and they probably feel nearly as badly as you do. All my sympathy to you-- I do think almost everyone will understand, personally. But there will be endless explaining. These zero-tolerance policies are draconian, though I think they do save lives.</p>
<p>It looks like the school will cover for your child so needless to say, you need not worry too much about this. Only if the colleges ask for a reason/explanation then you must offer the truthful explanation.</p>
<p>I could not imagine that a college would look upon this in the same way that his HS is. Your son is an accomplished student with very high SAT scores and great ECs. He made a mistake and he is being punished very harshly. Was this his first offense or has he been warned in a prior incident? If this is the first time than I can’t imagine any college not wanting such a student because he was caught drinking and expelled after one recorded incident. I would think he needs to come clean during the interviews showing that he understands the ramififications of what he has done. Most admissions staff understand that many kids experiment before they arrive on a college campus. Wishing your son all the best and I am so sorry that this is happening.</p>
<p>My condolences. Teenagers do get caught up in the moment at times. I’d see what the school has to say today. The implications of this action (withdrawal) have consequences for the school as well. While the school should not be tolerant of alcohol on campus, the school does stand to lose the recruiting benefit of a good student who was accepted for multiple scholarships. Private schools need that. Perhaps they will take into account your child’s remorse and come up with some compromise. If not, it would be my suggestion that your child write to ALL the schools to notify them with the explanation and hope for some understanding. A heartfelt note from your child about their remorse and ownership of the issue BEFORE they get notified by the Private School might go a long way to them continuing to process applications.</p>
<p>Good luck!</p>
<p>hiking - this is my worse nightmare. I keep telling my very cautious S to just follow the rules and don’t do anything foolish this year. 3 kids at my S’s private school were expelled two years ago one week before graduation for smoking pot. One of the kids was the grandson of one of the trustees. Kids just do the stupidest things, well we all do, but most of us don’t get caught. As others have suggested see what the school suggests and press them to allow your S to return to the school to finish out the year. it is unlikely they will agree, but it can’t hurt to ask. I would also suggest consulting a lawyer, this has too many ramifications to not obtain legal advice. I am not suggesting your S not “do the time for the crime” just that perhaps there are other ways to accomplish this.</p>
<p>I don’t see how your S can not admit to this, hopefully it doesn’t kill any scholarship opportunities.</p>
<p>Thanks to all for your input. Yes, this was a first offense for anything. No other marks on his record. He was in boarding school, ironically, on a merit scholarship. The school is very clear on the no tolerance policy. We knew it. He knew it. They were very kind and expressed their total surprise at his decision. The other kid who was with him was expelled. I felt there might be an opening in the door in our conversation yesterday, but frankly, I was so upset I am unclear as to all that was said. We are to talk today. He got in around 11 PM last night. He is up now and preparing to call and speak to the head of school. I agree he needs to write and/or call the colleges where he is being considered for scholarships. All are private schools.</p>
<p>hiking. </p>
<p>Honestly, the punishment far outweighs the act in this case and you need to keep some perspective. I also assume he was not drinking alone…so there should be others with the same fate.</p>
<p>Kids do stuff. They mess up, they make mistakes. All of them. That’s how they learn. Sadly, his school does not allow for mistakes. </p>
<p>Please let your son know that this is not the end of the world. I can’t imagine having my whole world turned upside down because of one mistake in 18 years. His dreams for the next 6 months are crushed. His friends will be going on without him in activities, dances, proms, graduation. It is a major loss for HIM. </p>
<p>I don’t think colleges will care in the least when they find out he was terminated for drinking on the weekend. They will be VERY interested in how he handles the next six months. </p>
<p>I would see if he has already met all the requirements for graduation and ask that he be given his diploma now. Then let him take classes at community college or do volunteer work or some sort of internship.</p>
<p>Good luck to all of you. I am sorry this has happened to him. Let him learn and grow from this.</p>
<p>For what it’s worth I think this is a really BAD SCHOOL POLICY.</p>
<p>Your son’s private school may stick to its gun. I have seen it at my kids’ school - straight A student stole a test senior year, has been at the schook from K-12, she was asked to leave; another case of drinking during a school event and was also asked to leave. On the other hand, if the incident was off campus then punishment was less severe.</p>
<p>Your option maybe finishing up at a public school and explain to those colleges. They maybe more forgiving than your son’s private school.</p>
<p>You said S is at boarding school, is it local? Perhaps he could commute to the school for the rest of the year?</p>
<p>Hiking - I am so very sorry. While the no-tolerance policy was clear and I am sure there were lots of warnings thrown around that would be enforced, it’s hard for a teenager to really “get” that and I am sure your kid is truly remorseful. There might be people on here who will say, “he knew the rules and …” but I won’t be one of them. Despite the no-tolerance rule, I am sure there have been kids breaking that rule and thinking that getting caught happens to “other people” until it happens to them.</p>
<p>I am a little bewildered however that they will allow him to put “withdrew voluntarily” on his transcript, which seems congruent with the no tolerance policy that seems to point to honor and truth. You know? It teaches a lesson that as long as you can get away with something or have someone cover your butt, the truth means little. Whereas, I can most certainly rally around the kid who made a mistake (especially one this relatively minor and certainly on the “normal” side of growing up) who was honest about it, learned something from it and had integrity vs the kid who got caught and tried to cover it all up for personal gain. Seriously, I don’t know what the latter teaches although it is all very hard to see the value of character when you’re this thick into the college process and you have no idea of the outcome. </p>
<p>I will be interested to see if the school will continue to help with the college process (as well they should), but I am more interested to see how they balance the rest of it. It’s ONE mistake and yes, it was a big one, but very few schools have a no tolerance policy and while this one does, I think it will say more about his maturity and integrity and his ultimate character to own up to the mistake with the lesson learned clearly in the forefront. But I also wouldn’t rush to “do” anything … true reflection is hardly that quick. </p>
<p>Good luck to both you and your son. I know it’s disappointing to you, and yes, heartbreaking… but if handled correctly, it will be a truly learning experience. Sometimes life’s biggest dips ultimately teach us more than any achievement. Hold tight to that belief.</p>
<p>Since they are letting him withdraw voluntarily they should let him graduate voluntarily now. This would be my argument after they put in writing that they are stating he withdrew voluntarily.</p>
<p>See if “Momofwildchild” can give you some advice. She is an attorney who has a son who has been through far worse who just graduated from Penn. PM her.</p>
<p>and I agree with mododunn. Don’t say too much today. Get a grip of what they are saying to you and tell them you need time to think things through</p>
<p>crosspost with mododunn</p>
<p>PS… I know only one school who has a non-tolerance policy and they have, in the past, had no problem kicking out kids a couple of weeks before graduation. Five years and no diploma? Yep. So, I don’t expect the school to “change their mind” because basically, to ever tolerate makes the policy ineffectual.</p>
<p>Has he applied to any of the very top schools? Were there any early action or early decision schools? If so he should be hearing within the next two weeks. He would need to contact them after hearing about his acceptance and ask to discuss the matter. I would think waiting for the acceptance should be the first step as far as the admissions part of it. You mentioned that your son is attending on scholarship so are we to assume that he might also be eligible for financial aid? </p>
<p>Would this infraction impede his ability to receive financial aid? Were the police involved?</p>
<p>I have also known schools to “kick out” seniors a few weeks before graduation, then hold a small quiet graduation for them later in the summer. Or, mail the diploma. See what you can negotiate!</p>
<p>…you state he was indefinitely suspended in your first sentence and also that they will let him voluntarily withdraw. Confusing for anyone…</p>
<p>Good luck today</p>
<p>You’ve got my sympathy. Your son made a poor decision, but it’s one that many high school students make every weekend. The consequences far outweigh the crime. </p>
<p>You’ve gotten good advice here. Try talking to the school and see if he can return for 2nd semester. Is there a guidance counselor at the school that you can talk to about the ramifications for his applications and scholarships? I’m sure this has happened before, and maybe he/she can advise you on how to proceed.</p>
<p>I don’t think that this would prevent a college from accepting a student, but it might jeopardize scholarships. You might want to consider adding some applications to larger state schools where acceptances are based mostly on numbers.</p>
<p>A neighbor’s son was suspended from our public HS a few years ago because he had a case of beer in his car during a school dance. He was barred from ECs for the rest of the year but did graduate. He had a tough year, but was accepted to several colleges (all OOS publics) and is doing fine in college. I know that things look very bleak right now, but things will work out.</p>