<p>I think all this application business has put my S in "senior shock" - the realization that in less than one year, he will have left the comfort of his school, his home and most of all - his friends!</p>
<p>Yesterday he and I had a nice heart to heart - I think he was kind of in panic mode while filling out some applications and starting to doubt some of his choices - we/he planned early and did most of our college visiting prior to the start of senior year, whereas many of his friends are just doing theirs this fall. Therefore, they are starting to mention "new" schools - schools he/we hadn't explored and I think he's starting to second guess himself a bit, AND (most upsetting to me) thinking that he should follow some of his friends. Yikes. </p>
<p>After some conversation (where I did my best to stay calm and collected) I took the angle that the best advice now was to apply to several schools, thereby leaving several options open (many of his friends seem to be applying to 1-3). I also shared stories of how kids and parents often do an "about face" close to May 1 and to make a plan now to "follow" would be a big mistake. </p>
<p>It seemed to make sense to him in the end. I think he just needed to take a few steps down the stress ladder! </p>
<p>He loves his school, friends and life now. Sad and scary to him to see that changing even though he recognizes the excitement of new things ahead. </p>
<p>Any other examples of "senior shock" occuring in your house???</p>
<p>Senior year was the most stressful year in our house. I think it’s the case for most people. They do a lot of growing up during that year. As you know, people didn’t come up with the phrase “Growing Pain” for nothing.</p>
<p>D1 ended up at a school she never thought she would be at. My nephew didn’t even know he was applying to JHU until his mother hit send. It’s his first year and he is very happy there. I would say send in a few extra applications so he could have more options come this spring. While he may like urban, it may not be the case come May.</p>
<p>It’s good he has you to talk to. I get the sense it is more difficult for boys to open up</p>
<p>Love these stories! DS is only a junior but I would like to be able anticipate some of what may go on next year - this year is intense enough :D</p>
<p>abasket: the same thing happened here during my D’s SR year. She worried about choosing wrong, was afraid it would be just like hs but without the comforts of home, didn’t want to go, didn’t want to stay was sure a gap year was impossible…the whole nine yards. She is now attending her safety which was always her first choice and is very happy there. It’s normal and like oldfort said wonderful that your S has you to share his worries with.</p>
<p>I think we have a case of Senior Shock coming on. Son completed his 4th app yesterday. Afterward I was pre-reading the details about his 5th, due 12/1, and concluded there’s no time to take a break due to the LOR turnaround times. </p>
<p>So, we headed back to the computer and got busy. He hadn’t gotten past the home address field when he turned to me and said, “Mom, I’m tired. Would you fill in the easy parts?” 5 minutes later he was asleep on the couch. It was 4:30 in the afternoon. I blame stess fatigue.</p>
<p>The other side is that he’s starting to act out. Nothing earth shattering, just fouling the nest or regular teenage limit-pushing. </p>
<p>Lastly, like abasket’s S, he’s getting pressure from friends that they all attend UMCP togehter. I have to bite my tongue hard on that one. I’m convinced it would be a disaster, but don’t dare say so lest it makes him rebel and do it. :rolleyes:</p>
<p>Very good advice to apply to a variety of schools - some closer, some further away, some bigger, some smaller, etc. That way, wherever his head/heart is next spring, he’ll have a college that will likely fit.</p>
<p>abasket - senior Year is hell for all involved. And your son has legitate fears when thinking about not making the right choice - because it does from time to time happen that the school that your child picks will not be the right fit for him. I just told my son, Listen, if after the first or second semester you believe that this is not the right place for you, let’s find a better fit. So far - so good. But out of his graduation class of 47, there are about 10% that are not happy at their current university and are looking to transfer.
All you can do is apply, then you see where you get in and make the best decision you can. But it is also important to tell your son, that if his choice doesn’t happen to work out, you would want him to transfer to a school that he would feel happy at.</p>
<p>Funny thing was, that he just spoke to a 50 8th graders at his old elementary-jr. high school last week about the transition to high school and one of his main points was “don’t make your decision based on where your friends are going because in a year, it won’t matter”. AND in 8th grade, he was actually one who chose a high school where very few friends were going! So maybe the thought of reinventing the friend wheel again is scary to him - even though he did it successfully at his high school and has observed his older sister (a junior in college) live it and survive it.</p>
<p>I’m always sad to hear about stressful senior years. DS#1’s was fun and exciting (although I’m a big “everything works out for the best” person). (Well, except of course for me who couldn’t stop crying thinking about the impending departure.) </p>
<p>I only wanted to add that by next spring, most of the seniors will have begun to let go of high school. Just about all the ones I know couldn’t wait to get out of there by about March (and many had to be cajoled to even walk through the graduation ceremony). They’ll likely be fairly clingy to hs friends over the last summer, but, really, I think most of them are very ready to get on with the next step. (And re: picking a school based on buddies going there–can’t hurt to apply, but I do think in the end they understand that it’s a poor factor to base a final decision on.)</p>
<p>Although easier said that done, senior year should NOT be hell. Although the stress cannot be removed entirely, it can and should be mitigated drastically by understanding that the process starts much earlier than … senior year. For instance, there are NO reasons for not having all testing and all application done by the … start of the dreaded senior year, or at the latest by the first sessions of the ACT and SAT. </p>
<p>To accomplish that, however, students --and their families-- should realize that the “hellish” period should be the summer after the junior year. Rather than thinking that this summer is the last one that should be reserved for leisurely fun or for … running around building a lacking EC sheet, it should be devoted to the applications process. </p>
<p>Unfortunately, most students ignore such advice and procrastinate until the senior year starts.</p>
<p>Abasket:
We know what you are going through. DS came home after SAT II test on Saturday and expressed that now that this deadline has passed, yet another one is coming, and yet another one is coming. I think the big difference is decisions. Up until age 17, he only had to make a few, non-life-changing decisions. Junior year was stressful, due to increased rigor in classes and standardized testing, but none of those were decided by him. Now, in senior year, making the list for EA colleges and for RD colleges, and whether to take the SAT II, because they are required for more selective colleges, meant he has made more decisions. </p>
<p>He has applied to 9 REALLY big public universities, and is doing his father’s alma mater (small LAC) for RD. He is still deciding on whether to apply at schools that require SAT II tests.</p>
<p>It is really hard not to try to control all decisions at this point. He is our eldest, so I am learning how to let him loose on some of the decision-making. Thanks for posting.</p>
<p>We went to dinner with a couple, one of whom is a UCLA professor. They have a daughter who’s a sophomore at Williams, who’s adjusted well. When they heard we had a S who’s a HS senior, the first thing the wife/professor said was, “So, kind of hellish at your house right about now?” We all laughed.</p>
<p>A bit more distressing was her portryal of the academics at UCLA, which she believes can only get worse in the short term. She’s a sociology professor and is really hoping our son can get into a good private college and not have to rely on the UC system at this time.</p>
<p>We are definitely going through this. My son’s list seems to change daily based upon what schools his friends are talking about that day. It’s maddening!</p>
<p>We are taking this approach as I want son to have several ‘different’ choices next spring:</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>His list seems eclectic at first glance :the two in state Flagship Us, a few small LACs, a few reaches, one very far away, etc. But the truth is I don’t think he really knows what he wants at this point and I’ve seen too many kids (from his school in past years) change their mind come spring. My son is convinced that all of his friends are going out of state but in reality, probably 75% of them will go to one of the flagships or one of the private LACs in state.</p>
<p>I will admit that Sr. Year has been the most stressful year we have ever had. Son definitely is a procrastinator and is in the middle of football season plus working on this Senior Thesis. It would have been ideal if he had taken care of most of this during the summer but he is a ‘live in the moment’ type of kid. He needs a deadline (or us) to push him. </p>
<p>I can’t wait until that last application is in and we can take a deep breath and sit back and wait to hear from the colleges.</p>
<p>I don’t know if I would call my son’s senior year hellish, but it was sure purgatoryish. He did all the things xiggi recommends – his college visiting was done by the end of his junior year, all of his testing was done by then, too. He never really wavered on what his list was. He put in some early applications, and had a nice acceptance in hand at the beginning of December, which reduced his need to apply to safeties. He never doubted that it was time to leave home and move on, and he looked forward to it eagerly. And still . . . </p>
<p>Each application was a crisis. There was the teary breakdown after an in-school information session with his top choice, when he realized that he was in competition with three of his best friends, that there was little chance all four of them would be accepted, and that if HE were doing the choosing he would come last. (He called one of them up – the one who WAS ultimately accepted – and she said, “You just figured that out? I had that cry a month ago.”) He was distracted from his schoolwork, but increasingly fearful that he would lose status if his grades slipped or if he wasn’t accepted by at least one of his top choices.</p>
<p>There was a girl he liked at the time, who obviously liked him back. Really, really obviously – even he couldn’t miss it. But he was too wound up with all of this to devote any energy to wooing her (not that she was asking for a lot of wooing – but she wasn’t prepared to club him over the head and drag him home, either). I kept thinking that there would be a month or so after his applications were in when he could relax and they could finally get together, but it never happened – applications faded into exams faded into tension about waiting for decisions, mental separation, tension about choosing among options. Sometime in late winter she gave up and acquired another boyfriend, and that was that. (He did manage a little end-of-the-year fling with a different girl, and I was happy for him, but it was a relatively low-key fling between friends.)</p>
<p>It did ultimately get better. Sort of. In May. And, compared to most of his classmates, he was in great shape. He knew he would be fine. He got lots of strokes at activities outside school, where no one cared where he went to college, and inside school where he had friends and teachers who loved him, and he suddenly developed a great relationship with the principal, too. Compared to lots of his classmates, his life was a breeze. So what? He went months without ever losing the tension or getting the weight off his back.</p>
<p>Not to freak some of you out, but the waiting was also very painful. D1 went through - “Oh, I should be able to get into most of those schools” to “Oh my God, what was I thinking of? I am going to have no school to go to next year.”</p>
<p>We had a wonderful summer once the decision was made. D1 returned to her nice self. We did a lot of bonding stuff. Of course, it was very sad to drop her off.</p>
<p>JHS, I wrote it was easier said than done! :)</p>
<p>On a more serious note, you correctly pointed out that there is still a LOT of work to be done by seniors, and especially before Christmas. This is also why trying to clear the deck before the end of summer is so important. Trying to juggle writing essays, checking schools, and deciding on which applications to work on is hard enough. Adding all the school work, ECs, sports, and having a semblance of family life can simply be too much, even for the most dedicated. </p>
<p>Fwiw, being forced to finish “early” is one of the greatest attributes of programs such as Questbridge. While it does not eliminate the fear of the unexpected and the drama, it does a lot for the student to realize if he or she was ready. With another chance in RD, the first application process serves as a string rehearsal. </p>
<p>By the way, I would also recommend to everyone to obtain the needed LORs before the end of November. Teachers and GCs will be thankful for the early requests and , it will show in the quality of the responses. </p>
<p>And, please remember to remain COMPLETELY in charge of the logistics. Do not let your high school officials control the flow and forwarding of ANY document. Even if they insist they have done for the past 30 years!</p>
<p>Actually, we didn’t have any issues with the senior year. I didn’t detect much in the way of any anxiety among my kids during that time and neither had senioritis either other than being ready to be done with HS. Both got into the colleges they wanted to get into even turning down some more highly ranked ones but they never regretted their decisions. The only college anxiety was when UCSD admitted my one kid but we hadn’t heard back from the college of engineering (which is a ‘second cut’ of admissions at UCSD) so we didn’t know for a while whether she was really accepted to the school of engineering there or not but it turns out to have been some paperwork issue on their part and she was accepted. </p>
<p>I’m just posting to say that not every kid/family ends up having much senior shock so I hope that’s encouraging for those yet to go through that stage. </p>
<p>Regarding ‘following friends’ to college, the OP’s son stated it well - (paraphrasing) “don’t go to a (college) just to follow friends because it will end up not mattering”. Things change quite a bit in college so a lot of those HS friends, if they attend the same college, won’t really matter since the various students will tend to move on to other friends/classmates, and the other friends that end up at other colleges or in the workforce will tend to fade as well since people are all headed in different directions. Of course some people have HS buddies attend the same college and are sometimes even rommates and they remain friends but it’s not a great reason to pick a particular college.</p>
<p>I don’t think shock is the exact word to describe what is happening at our house. S can’t wait to go away to school after being a reluctant visitor at all of the college visits that we dragged him to over the past 2 summers. He is pretty confident about his admission to two of the schools that he really liked and is more hopeful about his dream schools after the latest test scores came back. His crisis of confidence is with the IB requirements which seem overwhelming and, according to recent graduates, “not worth the effort”. What he doesn’t understand is that the counselor will not mark “most demanding” if he does not go for the diploma. I am letting him vent a bit and hope that he will be ready to tackle the next project soon.</p>
<p>Well, I am going through this times two with my twins. They are very different with different interests and will, with 98% certainty, end up at different schools, fortunately. However, one has seen about 15 schools at least, and has a very eclectic list of top LAC’s, some top IVY’s, research institutions, etc. I’m not sure what they have in common, if anything. City, suburban, pretty rural. Then he comes home and says that many of his classmates have seen “X” LAC and loved it and he would like to see it. It’s now October. :rolleyes: There’s just no more time for visits and I had to remind him recently that if he wants to attend college, he actually has to apply. He really has so much schoolwork and EC obligations that there’s no time to work on applications! It is really a ridiculous situation, but I am trying to remain calm because he’s a really good kid and hasn’t yet “fouled the nest.” ;)</p>
<p>I told my son that if there is somewhere else that he is “interested” in, to keep in mind that it is now Nov. 10, and we can’t take time to visit now- he will be lucky to just get all his apps in. IF he can get his apps in and he wants to apply to additional 1 or 2 ok, but we will not visit until after January.</p>
<p>I am encouraging him to handle one big “moment” at a time - and the current “moment” (besides his usual classwork and EC’s) is applications.</p>