<p>I am divorced for 7 yrs, my childrens' father was convicted of felonies involving sexual contact. He had a probation officer for years and he did have some contact with the kids initially but not in the last five years. I am submitting a non custodial parent waiver request and am hoping we don't have to pursue any contact with father as there is a very sensitive issue with my d, related to her father which she may pursue legally. He has also been verbally/emotionally abusive. There is an income deduction order in place and this is why he pays a small amount of child support which will end when s turns 18 in February. I know this may work against the waiver.</p>
<p>I realize the waiver may not be granted but think it is worth a try. My s is very strong student and is applying to top colleges. My ex has become involved with a teacher at my s's school which is quite weird for my s. My s wants no one at his school to know about our family situation as he is ashamed of his father and wants no association. This teacher is trouble and may be talking bs with gc. I am worried about this teacher interfering in this process in some way.</p>
<p>My question is do the colleges that review the CSS non custodial parent waiver request contact the high school and talk with teachers or the gc? </p>
<p>Also I had sent a ncp waiver request to my s's ED school, an Ivy ED but he was rejected. However they did seem to grant the waiver as they never requested the ncp info and sent an email saying our financial aid application was complete. Wondering if this could be seen as a good sign?</p>
<p>I think that the waiver was a go at one school is a good sign. Each college has its own requirement for completion of the NCP waiver, so you have to contact each financial aid office and ask for the form and instructions. My understanding is that an outside official often is who has to fill out these forms, like the school counselor, minister, social worker, etc. I think court papers and other official documents showing the chain of events should be prepared so that they can be included. You should probably prepare a written statement for your outside person, the counselor or whoever to be able to use to have a firm handle on the situation and be able to include salient points.</p>
<p>thank you. yes I have all the forms from each college, and a supporting letter from a psychologist who has worked with my kids and wrote that the kids are estranged and that she supports no contact. I wrote my own letter detailing the issues. I am also enclosing divorce decree, income deduction order, and legal charges. </p>
<p>have you seen situations where colleges contact high schools to ask for verification?</p>
<p>Usually, the guidance counselor is the contact person for these sort of things and that is the person Admissions will directly address any questions. I recommend you meet with your child’s GC. As you know from the app process already, the GC is the one who generally rights the school rec for the applicant. I would be surprised if some of the schools do not want something from the GC or other school official.</p>
<p>thats the issue, I dont feel comfortable sharing this with the gc, for two reasons, one the school is very large and the gc does not actually know my s, so he does not want anythign shared at the school. the other reason is the teacher who is involved with my s’s father. </p>
<p>so do schools reach out directly to the gc?</p>
<p>I did a NPC waiver and was told it was the GC, clergy person, etc who knew the situation well. There were three questions they were told to answer including how long they knew the student and what they knew of the NPCs situation.</p>
<p>thanks gamergal, trying to understand, did you submit the NCP waiver for your child? Did you get to determine who would be the third party person to use to answer questions? who provided the questions?</p>
<p>each of the colleges have their own form where you write about child support and contact. separate from the form they advise you to provide a third party letter from a person who you select who knows the situation well, could be clergy, mental health professional etc. I used the psychologist who knows the whole story.</p>
<p>Newmexma, it depends upon the college, the GC, the situation, However, the “go-to” person at a school, the contact person for Admissions, at the high school is usually the GC. Did the GC write the school rec? In some situations, a dean, an asst principal or other person in administration would write the school rec, but it ‘s usually the counselor. So when info like this crosses the adcoms’ desks, and they have questions or want to verify, yes, it would be natural and normal for them to call the school counselor. That’ s whose job it usually is to coordinate the college apps, process htem and be the point person. WHo at the school would you prefer the colleges to contact? If your son has someone else in mind (usually not a teacher, as teachers’ recs are also part of the record and schools also want someone who is familiar with most of the kids in that class, not just those in their subject area), the contact should be arranged. </p>
<p>So, though you may be able to choose the person to explain the NCP waiver situation, choosing a psychologist or other person that was being paid by you, rather than a neutral party, may have the college contact the school. </p>
<p>It would not be to his/your benefit if a college should call the GC and she has absolutely no idea of the situation , and thinks that the your ex is involved in son’s life and all is peachy keen. It’s wise to have a school contact person even if that person is not the one filling out the NCP waiver.</p>
<p>YOu might want to PM Sybbie as she has direct experience with many such waivers.</p>
<p>If you have a court order, submit that. My kids’ counselor knows nothing of our family situation and could only answer that the only parent in the record is me and has only dealt with me. I wouldn’t tell her anything else (because I don’t think much of her).</p>
<p>I think the colleges will either accept your statement or request more information. Maybe your attorney could be a source of information?</p>
<p>thank you sybbie, I read your pm but can’t reply, not enough posts. my d is an adult and I only learned of the issue recently. she has my full support but must find her way with this and is in therapy.</p>
<p>no restraining order. no order against him seeing the kids. he is scary in his manipulative ways,thats why I don’t discuss this anywhere. the school has no knowledge of his criminal involvement. and the gc honestly is clueless, couldnt even figure out how to email to colleges and the school is a hotbed of gossip. it may not make sense but sometimes you need to be so careful in dealings with sociopaths that it looks like you’re not being smart, but its just what you have to do sometimes.</p>
<p>I sympathize with you. I can understand how you and the kids feel about this. </p>
<p>You do have to understand that situations like yours have to be verified, and that there are many parents like your ex who are active in their kids’ lives, support the kids financially, and are therefore not going to be waived from the financial analysis for college purposes. Just as your ex HAD to pay child support, his assets may HAVE to be considered for aid. If the school considers him as an ordinary Joe in terms of being in his kids’ lives, then the colleges will tend to do the same, though they will weigh the court records in the picture. A note from your private psychologist that you chose and paid is not going to hold the kind of weight that a court appointed one, or anyone in an official capacity NOT paid by you and whose job is not to be your advocate is going to hold. But YMMV from school to school.</p>
<p>Does your husband come to the school ( I know that he is involved with a teacher); however, if he is a presence in the school meeting with your son’s other teachers he is going to be considered am involved parent. This will be harder for you to get a waiver. You can ask him to full out the information,letting him know that providing the info does not obligate him to pay. But as an uncooperative parent, would you be in a position to take up the slack. If you have an ivy caliber student there will be schools where he is eligible for merit aid. Do you have schools on your list that only require your income and assets? Most importantly does your S have a financial safety that he is willing to attend</p>
<p>such helpful information thank you very much Sybbie, CPT, gamer. No he does not participate in school meetings. but the teacher is a loose cannon and I suspect she thinks I have shared this with the school and she may be trying to whitewash it. Can the colleges contact the gc and ask questions? Can I tell the colleges that the school is unaware and my s would be mortified if the school found out?</p>
<p>I am afraid to ask him for anything given the sensitivity of the recent issue. I can’t pressure my d to pursue things for the sake of this situation until shes ready, that wouldn’t be fair to her. She’s a college grad and wants to live her life so its a difficult situation.</p>
<p>Yes, my s is also applying to schools where merit will be possible, ie. Clark Univ, and a couple of others that only require FAFSA. He also has a financial safety where he would be happy and thrive. He will do well in many environments,he’s a bright and hardy kid. It may sound trivial to some, but it is because of these challenges that I want my s to not be held back by his father’s issues.</p>
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<p>It has my experience that there should and needs to be consistency in the statements. I always ask students what are they conformable disclosing and who can I disclose to. When I write the recommendation letter, I write about the home environment. If there there is a non-custodial waiver letter, I speak with the custodial parent (after getting permission from the student) as to what they are comfortable having in the letter.In the end all of the statements are sending a consistent message. I will also call the school before writing the letter, giving a brief overview of my student’s situation with out naming the student and ask how to proceed. I will usually ask if I can send the letter to their attention and then call to follow up. </p>
<p>There are times when Financial aid does not approve the waiver. Since many of us do build relationships with colleges and financial aid officers, we can get through some of the red tape as they will take and respond to our calls faster than they would a parent or student . I will ask as to why a waiver hasn’t been approved and then ask follow up questions and discuss the student. I know that if my students are applying to ABC College, I can pick up the phone and call Jane in admissions or Joe in Financial aid and explain my kid’s situation.</p>
<p>Many times we are given additional advice on the next steps to take whether it means sending and asking the family for additional information or who we can escalate the situation to. There are some cases where I have spent days on end, calling, writing, e-mailing and following up working with a kid and the family.</p>
<p>Your son should not personalize things that are not personal. At the end of the day, the GC has to be professional. This means keeping confidentiality and not discussing your son’s or your family’s situation unless it is putting someone else at risk. The GC also has a responsibility to be his advocate. They hear all kinds of sensitive things and must handle these things with sensitivity and be non-judgmental.</p>
<p>your dedication and investment in your students is so admirable sybbie—I must add that it is absolutely shocking to me that gc’s take on this role. we can barely get the gc to send the rec letters, my s’s gc sent in letters late after repeated polite requests/reminders. He is completely bewildered by the college process and knows nothing about the basics. Really a shame he is so incompetent, but it is what it is. we had the same issue with my d when she was at the same large public h.s. you should be commended for your professionalism!</p>
<p>it is obvious that gcs can be on opposite ends of the professional spectrum. :(</p>
<p>this is why I ask can we request that the colleges not talk with the gc? is that inappropriate? do they reach out anyway?</p>
<p>I went back to the correspondence I had with my sons guidance counselor and there were three questions she needed to answer. </p>
<ol>
<li>How do you know the child?</li>
<li>How long have you known the child?</li>
<li>what is the situation with the NCP? (in this case my ex-husband)</li>
</ol>
<p>I received a letter from the GC on school letterhead. I also attached documentation from the parenting agreement from the divorce which communicated his addiction problems.</p>
<p>I was told the person writing the letter could be the GC, clergy, attorney or mental health professional. The key here is that they are objective and knowledgable about the situation.</p>
<p>thanks gamergal, I was told the same by the colleges, that I needed to have supporting documentation. </p>
<p>I really am trying to establish whether colleges can independently contact a high school gc and ask questions? I am struggling bc my s does not want the school to be informed about his father in addition to my concern about said teacher. ugh.</p>
<p>I think if you gave the letter and docs from the right person there is no reason for the college to contact the GC. But that’s just my opinion.</p>
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<p>It will definitely raise a red flag if you request that they not speak to the school. Yes, they can contact the school. Remember it works both ways; as you would want the school if you needed them to to communicate with the college.</p>
<p>They usually will not take attorney letters because the attorney is being paid by the client (as would your therapist). the letters must come from a neutral 3rd party, which is why first and foremost they accept school letters.</p>