Sensitive CSS Non custodial Parent Waiver Situation

Paying for College
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<p>Sybbie- Perhaps your school is different but I checked the three colleges that required the NCP waiver for my sons colleges this year as well as the two for my daughter from two years ago. All of them allowed an attorney, clergy person and/or therapist to provide the letter for the waiver in addition to the GC or other school officials. The OP should check the FA section of the colleges of interest to see if they provide any further direction.</p>

<p>IMHO if the letter is from one of these people and is detailed (hopefully with any available supporting documentation) it should be sufficient.</p>

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<p>Schools differ in their requirements for the waiver. All you can do is give it a go with what you have. If a school wants a neutral party, then you either find one, one or you cross that one off your list.</p>

<p>I agree saying NOT to contact the school is a red flag. There is a reasonable chance that they will not, IMO, but to bring it up will create an issue. There is fraud in the college app process and so asking not to go the usual venue brings up suspicions and many times it’ s not worth the time to investigate. Just reject the app, because it’s too much trouble. At selective school, it’s not like there is a shortage of applicants. </p>

<p>Just do the best you can to give the college what you need and leave it at that, is my opinion.</p>

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<p>Perhaps Sybbie can respond to this.</p>

<p>If a clergyman or some neutral party OTHER than the school is the one to complete the NCP waiver documents, one would think the college would contact THAT person to verify the information. Is that correct?</p>

<p>To the OP. The school counselor writes the counselor letter to the colleges. The school counselor USUALLY is the go to person when a student is seeking a NCP waiver. Because USUALLY the school counselor is aware of the situation.</p>

<p>I’m not a GC or an adcom, but here is what you need to do. Contact the colleges ASAP and ask EACH SCHOOL what they require. Then do it…quickly. </p>

<p>If a school REQUIRES that the information be completed by the school GC, then you will have to either remove that school from your child’s list OR give the GC sufficient information so that IF they are contacted, they can HELP YOU.</p>

<p>As noted upstream, school folks…all of them…are bound to confidentiality guidelines. The GC must adhere to these and not share this information with ANYONE else.</p>

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<p>If you did not want the GC contacted for any reason, there should have been another point person at the school to write the school rec and be listed as the school contact. If you can get another counselor, or a principal, asst principal, dean, or other such person at the school to be the contact, the school can send a note saying this is the new contact for your son. But, yes, colleges do reserve the right to contact the school. If there are questions there needs to be an official there, in that capacity that can answer </p>

<p>that a college might have. They don’t do it for every single applicant–look at the time taken for each app, but, yes, if there is a quesiton, they will call that contact person at the school to get it quickly resolved. Otherwise, fake apps would be more rampant than they are. You think you can request colleges NOT to verify info in the app with the high school? That would be ripe for fraud.</p>

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<p>newmexma,</p>

<p>What you have to remember, that colleges can do what ever they want and ask for any information from any source that they want when it comes to them giving out their money. They would be remiss, not to do their due diligence. For every family that has a legitimate reason for a waiver, there is a family looking to game the system. Everyone is trying to do the best they can and every one has a process. </p>

<p>At the school level, many school administrators work really hard to establish and keep good relationships with colleges. While you may be going through the process with this one child, schools go through the process year over year with hundreds of students. It is about building a good business relationship. School personnel need to be able to pick up a phone and ask the college a question and the college wants to feel the need to do the same.</p>

<p>I know at our school, we go through the records: we document who comes to parent teacher conferences, award nights, pta, etc. We keep the blue contact cards to see if if the non-custodial parent is listed to contact in the event of an emergency. We check to see if the non-custodial parent is listed as a parent of record in the student’s school file because it means that we can discuss the student with this person give him/her copies of report cards, transcripts, and even allow the person to remove the child from school unless there is something that states otherwise (because like the custodial parent, the non custodial parent still has parental rights).</p>

<p>We once had a student who requested a non-custodial letter claiming no contact with dad. Mom moved out of the city and wanted a bus pass for the student complaining that kid lives a long way out of the city limits. we did our due diligence and had a bill sent tor tuition and services (yes, you must pay for public school, if you live out of the school district/city/town). Guess what, as soon as the parent got the bill, they changed the address to the dad’s address so that they would not have to pay the 35k bill .</p>

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<p>Is the college allowed to share information that the parents provided in the waiver request with the school? I can understand them calling the school and asking if the dad is in the picture, and the GC giving info like Sybbie lists above: whether dad gets copies of report cards, is allowed to pick up from school, etc… </p>

<p>What I’m wondering is, can the college rep say, “the mom sent us evidence that the dad was convicted of XYZ crime, what do you know about that?” If I’m reading the OP correctly, that is what she is worried about. I think she’d be fine with the college asking the HS gc the “mundane” questions as long as they didn’t share confidential information from the application. So what is allowed/typical in a case like that?</p>

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<p>At the end of the day, it’s going to depend upon the school and the admissions’ policy on waivers. You may get no trouble from some schools, and scrutiny from another. I don’t think it’s out of the realm of possibility that a college would pick up the phone and ask the GC at the high school if a parent is out of the picture of the kid’s life, and for the GC to check the records as Sybbie has said. To ask them not to do so is unreasonable, IMO and would raise a flag. </p>

<p>The fact of the matter is that even if the NCP is a convicted felon, if he has involvement in his kids’ lives, his financials probably should be in the picture. I know some who have done time even who are well to do and pay for their kids’ expenses. Why should that be a factor in financial issues? When it gets into some of the specific reasons why the person is a felon and it involves the family, that is when professional judgement needs to enter the picture. </p>

<p>But as I mentioned before, it’s not as though colleges call the GCs for evey application. There simply isn’t time. There would have to be good reason. I think your results will be mixed witht this. I wish you luck.</p>

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<p>it is not so much that the college would call the school, but the situation would certainly raise an eyebrow as in my experience, kids in this situation and their custodial parent are quick to make the school aware, because the school telling the college of this situation is certainly going to make the waiver process exponentially easier to go through. </p>

<p>Keep in mind, that just because someone is a felon, it does not necessarily mean that they have been stripped of their parental rights. Case in point, just last week, there was a 4 y/o who was abused and died. the father was the custody of the kid because the mother was deemed unfit. The father got arrested and went to jail, and still had custody of his kid. Just because a parent is a felon, it does not absolve him of his responsibility to fill out the forms and pay for his kid to attend college. </p>

<p>I had students whose mom had passed and the dad was in jail . The Dad was still his kid’s legal next of kin and their parent. The dad did give court ordered legal guardianship to another family member while he was a guest of the state. The college asked for the court paper for legal guardianship. </p>

<p>You can have incarcerated parents, it will not make you automatically independent for financial aid; you would have to submit paperwork and request a dependency override to to the involuntary dissolution of your family.</p>

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<p>thank you all again for your time and input.</p>

<p>it’s not simply that the NCP is a felon, it is the crimes involved and other abuse and the fact that despite the lack of a restraining order, he remains a toxic person who presents risk to my child. It is not so easy to seek a no contact order, often his behavior flies just under the radar where it can be legally addressed, yet is still potentially dangerous. I kind of feel like I live in an alternate universe, where gc’s gossip, don’t send in recommendations and do not have a clue how to support the kids they are supposed to support. </p>

<p>Yes, my concern is the colleges sharing this information which I recognize the colleges deserve to hear, however I do NOT want the high school to have. My gut tells me this would raise risk to my child as it is possible it would get back to the NCP.</p>

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<p>One thing to consider. I would guess that many students seeking NCP waivers have sensitive issues of one type or another. </p>

<p>Please understand that the schools may need to verify your information. Unfortunately, there are folks who might want to take advantage of the NCP waiver option. The schools need to verify that the information presented is accurate. They will not put your child in danger. That is not their intent.</p>

<p>And, as you know, if the information is not provided to the college or they attempt to verify it and cannot, you will not get the waiver.</p>

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<p>none of the colleges have requested anything from the gc…this is what I don’t follow about some of your suggestions. they have indicated there must be supporting documentation from a mental health professional, attorney, or clergy.</p>

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<p>Each school will require their own paperwork. I can’t say what every school will or will not do, however, most of the time they will not take attorney letters because attorneys are not neutral third parties. Their job is to represent their client (who for the most part is paying for the services). They will take court documents because the court is a neutral third party.</p>

<p>In many cases if an adult is a reported risk to a child, the school knows about it because minimally there is an ACS case (child protective services) attached and ACS is obligated to speak with the school. I am not saying that you won’t get a waiver, but having the school on your side will make getting the waiver easier because the school attests to the day to day situation with your child(ren).</p>

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<p>The bottom line here is that it depends upon the school and the person at that school who is going to be making the professional judgement on your waiver request as to what that person will do. It is my opinion and appears to be that of others on the board including that of someone experienced in these things and actually does them, that it would put a flag on your kid’s apps to specifically request No Contact with the school GC on the issue, and has a likelihood of lowering your son’s chances fro a waiver. Only you can make the determination as to whether it’s so risky that you might want to do this anyways. Yes, the GC of the school is the designated contact person for any questions, and it is a relevant issue as to how active your ex is with the school—listed as contact person, gets copies of school records, shows up at the school, has interactions with the student, in terms of a getting the waiver. If you did not trust the GC at the school, you should have put a different administrator’s name as a contact person. </p>

<p>IT’s not 100%, as I said before, that the college will contact the school directly. THey usually do not, but if there are questions, YOU gave them the name of the contact (or your son did). Of course, they have to have a contact name and number at the high school. YOu want to take the chance of a flag because it’s that important, then, yes, you can get whoever does the waiver to say that the information is sensitive and is NOT to be shared with the school when they write up the waiver request. But that doesn’t mean the college won’t call the school and ask standard questions, as I mentioned above or that Sybbie brought up as to what the school considers this parent. There are abusive, dangerous parents living in households, and you can’t get a waiver for that reason. The thing at issue is not how dangerous he is, but is he a known personality, listed name, involved at your school. But depending on the flow and procedures, as we said, the colleges may not check. We cannot give you the comfort in the answer you want. The college might check. They do verify some info at the high school. IT is a flag to say they are not to do so. IT’s up to YOU to weigh all of those risks. </p>

<p>Frankly, most schools take a big minutes to assess and file and when something gives an adcom a hinky feeling, it goes into the reject pile. It’s a pain in the neck to verify things like this and make some sort of decision, so if smells like there are road blocks to the process, it gives an odd vibe and off it goes If you want to change the name of the school contact, go on ahead and do that. That happens for any number of reasons. THat way if anyone contacts the school, they can get the asst principal or other administrator, instead of the GC. Do discuss this with the person who is to be named first, of course. But you can see that requesting that the college not contact the high school is an unreasonable request. Too much fraud in the process to allow that exception.</p>

<p>You are not the only one who get caught this way, by the way. If the school GC dislikes your kid and is not trusted, it can be an issue in selective school admissions as, yes, the college can contact that person, and the recs are submitted, and it can quash admissions chances. If it’s a true issue, one can bypass the GC and name another school contact if the school and that person will allow it–(has to be an administrator, not another teacher). </p>

<p>If it’s that important to you, that much or a risk, your gut is screaming this out, then have the request not to ask the school about it, but IMO it will be a flag on the app and can compromise your son’s chances of getting the waiver and acceptance to some schools. It’s up to you and your son as to deciding what chances to take.</p>

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<p>Just wanted to send you a message of support OP and a couple of thoughts. This secret is a large burden for your son to carry. Having to keep the secret is causing stress and difficulty with his college application process, at least with regard to financial aid. I would encourage you to consider proposing to your son that it may be better in the long run to assume that the GC is going to act professionally and start to let go of this secret.</p>

<p>My ex is also a deadbeat. It’s not as bad, he is ‘only’ a frequently unemployed alcoholic and doesn’t contribute to our daughter’s college expenses. I haven’t needed yet to submit an NCP waiver but it may come to that with my son. More importantly, my kids started to heal when we stopped protecting their father by keeping his secret for him, keeping up appearances and feeling that no one could know. The school administration including his GC, school social worker and school psychologist know that dad is an alcoholic and is not involved in his son’s life. I realize the circumstances are different and your ex committed terrible crimes. Good luck to you.</p>