I have been following this thread since it started. I think that one thing to remember is that we all filter through the lens of our own experiences. We all have different relationships with our children. It’s heartbreaking to see that parents have caused serious pain with comments regarding weight. However, I would think that those types of comments were indicative of a deeper issue in the parent child relationship. I think there is a huge difference between comments like “Wow, you gained a ton of weight.” and questions like “Is there anything you have been struggling with at college”. If the student is willing to open up about problems or struggles it could lead to the root cause of the weight gain or a willingness to go to the doctor to explore if there is a medical issue behind the weight gain. My DD frequently discusses with me ways to have a healthier lifestyle. It was one of the things that we focused on when her brother went to college (he has GI/health issues and needs a high calorie diet which made healthy eating more difficult for our family). We have been so excited to eat a more varied diet with less meat and carbs. So, discussing healthy lifestyles is a norm for us and is not emotionally scarring for her. We also discuss things like air-brushing and the unrealistic body images promoted in the media.
As for going to the Doctor with your student, I have also always been present with my kids for all of their doctor appointments. They ask me to go with them. When my son turned 18 he was shocked to learn that he had to sign papers to allow me to have access to his health information. I always ask if they want to go in alone and I have told them that they can use their card to go to the Doctor without me at anytime. I even pointed out where the County Health Clinic is where you can get free birth control and condoms. I will tell you that our Family Doctor was no holds bar with my son in his pre-college appointment even though I was with him. He discussed the risks of STD’s, binge drinking & drug use, depression symptoms that college students experience, maintaining a healthy lifestyle and even an admonishment to get his flu shot at college.
I think that we all must remember that we parent not in a vacuum of one issue, but over a range of time and issues. OP your concern regarding broaching the weight issue indicates to me that you are aware of how sensitive the topic can be and I am sure you will come to the right resolution on how to handle this issue with your DD based on your relationship with her.