<p>I just graduated from high school on the 24th and my mom has been crying all year at holidays and birthdays and stuff. Well, its really bad now. She cried the night before graduation (I mean mental breakdown cry...), at graduation, after graduation. We were in Belks today and Cinderella by Steven Curtis Chapman played over the radio and she cried some more.</p>
<p>We were born 3 months 4 days early and she was told we wouldnt make it, would never go to school, would be institutionalized, etc. Our dad left when we were 8, shes have several bad marriages since then...</p>
<p>But she is having an extremely hard time with it already. And I feel awful for her. Excited and thrilled for myself, but I too feel the same way she does a lot of the time.</p>
<p>What can I do to make things easier for her? We are her youngest two... we set her up a myspace and msn messenger, she knows we will call more than likely everyday, we plan on coming home at least once or twice a month to go to church here, etc.</p>
<p>Its awful seeing her like this. She took several presciption drugs before going to graduation... and that didnt even seem to help.</p>
<p>She will adjust. It can be emotional to have our kids move away and that gets easier with time. The first couple of months can be like a death and some parents go through a real grieving process. Keep in touch and give her your love, but do not let her sadness become your personal burden. Set up a time when you will call, but do not make it everyday. She needs the opportunity to build her new life, as do you. You might stop by the health center when you arrive on campus and ask a counselor if she has any advice on how you can handle the situation. Or, ask someone (minister, counselor, therapist, family friend, etc) near home right away if you cannot wait for fall. The book sounds like a great idea. Good luck.</p>
<p>You mentioned church, so I'm picking up on that to ask if she'd go and talk with her pastor. Sometimes they do a kind of short-term (one session) counseling. It's not like therapy but just helps put some perspective on things. And if the pastor thinks therapy is needed, s/he will recommend it to your mom. It's an approach.</p>
<p>Or, can you ask the pastor for family counsel (a session)? You're old enough to just pick up the phone and share your concerns, too. It's okay to even mention to the pastor that you think she might need some short and possibly longer term help to get through this transition. </p>
<p>Pastors are trained to meet once or twice with people, to get them over a crisis. They aren't there for long-term psychological counseling, but sometimes they flag it and suggest it to their parishioners if they feel it's warranted.</p>
<p>If prescription drugs before the graduations didn't help enough, plus much public crying -- it sounds like she's having an extremely hard time. You're right to notice and care. The best way to help may be to help her set up those kinds of support systems so she has people to talk with after you leave. </p>
<p>For many people, one departure triggers memories of every other departure or loss (failed marriages, premature fears at the birth), so she's probably responding to much more than just your leaving. It might help her so much to have other adults to talk it out with.</p>
<p>"She plans on having 2 jobs after we leave.."</p>
<p>She still should have some time to pursue some fun interest.
Since my kids' left home, I've gotten involved in dancing, photography, acting, spiritual retreats and other activities. </p>
<p>Other people I know have gotten into book clubs, home movie nights with friends and other things that they hadn't had time or energy to do when their kids were at home.</p>
<p>Yes, the two jobs idea troubled me as well if she does not actually need the money. If she plans to work too hard, maybe that's a way of not facing her fears.</p>
<p>Oh, I'm not...I'm thrilled to death, and she is excited for us too, as well. She gave us each a lot of stuff for graduation (tassle 08 keychain, graduate rubber duck, 2008 bear, necklace, bracelet, a plaque thing, a bathroom rug and towel and hand towel to match the rug for our dorm bathroom) but the bracelet was given to us after graduation and has this poem with it:</p>
<p>While you’re away at college,
I’ll think of you each day.
Before you leave
There are just a few more things,
I really need to say.</p>
<p>You’ve made me proud
As I’ve watched you grow,
It’s time for you to fly.
So take a step and don’t look back
Because you may see me cry.</p>
<p>Remember all the important things
I taught you through the years.
Study hard and have some fun
And you’ll work through your fears.</p>
<p>Make the right decisions
As if I were standing by your side.
You’ve grown to be a beautiful woman;
You fill my heart with pride.</p>
<p>Keep this bracelet with you
And I’ll be close at heart.
Know my love is always there
Even though we are apart.</p>
<p>But, yeah, I hate that she is already grieving and everything. AND her marriage isnt going well at all, shes being talked to like a dog for no reason. I think once we move into the dorms she will be fine...</p>
<p>My younger S was a 28-weeker, hospitalized for 6 weeks and came home tethered to an oxygen tank. When he was a toddler, he was so far behind developmentally that I thought he was developmentally disabled, something that premies are at risk of being.</p>
<p>He and I are very close, and yes, I did miss him when he emptied my nest by going off to college. At the same time, however, I was so very happy, grateful and proud that he has grown into such a capable, healthy, and wonderful young man.</p>
<p>His leaving also gave me a chance to become more of myself in that I have had the time to deepen my friendships with other women, and to return to interests that I had put off during my child rearing years.</p>
<p>I also got a couple of pets. While they can't replace my son, they are very nice to come home to and to lavish love and attention on. That's also something to consider for your mom. If she's not sure she wants the commitment of a permanent pet, perhaps she would enjoy fostering a pet for the humane society.</p>
<p>Heart you are such a thoughtful daughter. You have been given some wonderful advice and I second the posters who recommend counseling/talking to your pastor. I defy any caring parent to not get a lump in their throat while listening to "Stealing Cinderella." Expect your mom to be sentimental, it's a very emotional time, but do try to get her to read the suggested title and speak to someone.</p>
<p>I remember your previous post on this topic and it does sound like she is more accepting than she was a month or so ago. The poem tells me that she is having a hard time but that she knows letting go is the next step. Good luck!</p>
<p>Tell mom that now that you won't have to deal with her every day, you will choose to be in touch with her often. Then do it. Something as simple as a text message can be helpful. When my daughter left I was terrified that I wouldn't have a place in her life. Then she kept in touch with me (not in an intrusive or needy way) of her own free will and all my anxiety faded away. Just reassure mom that she will always be important to you.</p>
<p>You are so sweet to be worried about your mom. Have you introduced her to CC? She could read through all these posts, get to know some of us, then she'll have another support system. I can't tell you how much this site has helped me over the past 2 years.</p>
<p>I agree that communication with your mom once you're at college will ease the bumps for her. I spent over an hour on the phone w/my college junior (!)D yesterday as she walked through the grocery store (has to feed herself all summer while living in an apartment for the 1st time.) It's times like those that I really enjoy.</p>
<p>You and your mom will be just fine, but it can be a difficult transition when you're so close. Keep us posted!</p>
<p>My eyes are wet just reading this thread.
I am sure your mom is probably feeling happy and sad at the same time. Give your mom a big hug.
We have our first one leaving the nest in a few months, luckily it is only a 30 min away. But I know I am going to cry the minute she leaves home.</p>
<p>I bawled like a baby throughout my daughter's "lasts" in high school. The funny thing is, that actually made it easier for me when it came time to say good-bye. I had gotten a good deal of my grieving for the end of this phase of my life out and over with. After we said goodbye, the house seemed emptier, but I adjusted and went forward. Most parents do. (By the way, I find that I am doing the same with my son (who thinks I am a little unhinged right now) as his high school days wind down).</p>
<p>If your mother truly is going into a major depression, then by all means suggest she talk to a professional. But, sometimes sadness is part of the process of saying good-bye and watching our kids start their lives. It is, after all, a turning point for everyone in the family. Letting your mother know that she's still important and will still be part of your life helps. Hugs help too. :) </p>
<p>Also, think of some ways you can let your mom know that you'll still be in her life. One of the nicest gifts my daugther ever gave me is two weeks before she left for college she put me in the car and drove up to a special spot we'd visited before in the mountains. She had packed drinks and snacks, and we sat there and watched the sun go down together, just enjoying each other's presence. Another nice thing she did for me and my husband was to hide all sorts of little "love notes" throughout our house before she left. Each one felt like a hug, and it took us months to find them all. Great minds think alike, because before we left her in her dorm room, I'd tucked my own share of "love notes" here and there for her to discover.</p>