<p>This I could never believe would happen to us. My son was caught drinking on a HS field trip. No I should say passed out. He is a senior, ready to graduate in 2 weeks. He has been a good student for 4 years with a good GPA and accepted to a college honors program, with a small scholarship. Now I'm terrified, I dont know what's going to happen. We meet with the Principal/Guidance counselor tomorrow morning. He seems to think nothing much will happen. I think otherwise after reading BayAreaDads posts. There is a lot of drinking/partying that goes on at his HS and he has been to many parties, especially in the last few weeks, including prom. I don't know what prompted him to do this, but I think it was just for kicks. He was the only boy to get in trouble, but I believe others are involved, but he says he wont name or blame them. How can I trust him to go 3 thousand miles away to college? If they even take him after this. He could be facing suspension or expulsion. A ton of money has been spent on this boy. I'm sick to my stomach. Any advise would be appreciated. What can I say to the school? What can he say?</p>
<p>Most colleges welcome high school drinkers. They couldn't care less.</p>
<p>As a parent, I would be concerned, by odds are that the college won't be.</p>
<p>Passing out is not good. Doing this on a school trip is not good. Hopefully the tossing of the cookies, the ridicule of his classmates and the hangover will be enough to keep him from drinking that much all at once in the future. I hope for your sake that your school system is one that has some lattitude with how they deal with the situation of "seniors gone wild". Several years ago a friend of my eldest did the same thing. They gave him the diploma but didn't let him walk through the ceremony. I doubt they reported it to the college, however they did report it to the police so the kid had an MIP. I've also seen this happen to kids we know whose parents kept the clamps on them so tight that when they got a dose of freedom they drank to the point of passing out through inexperience with alcohol. I don't have much advice, but know that there are many parents who have walked in your shoes. My thoughts will be with you in the next day or two.</p>
<p>High school will make a bigger deal out of it than college will. Colleges are very well aware that their students drink. What kills me is that kids who knowingly drink underage (myself included) somehow think they're justified in getting mad when they get caught. Underage drinking is illegal, so those that do it should be able to deal with the consequences.</p>
<p>I don't know many people that would rat their friends out, so I don't blame your son at all for that one. Seems like it was a stupid mistake that he shouldn't have done. I'd say his best bet is to sincerely apologize, admit what he did, and see what the administration has to say. There's no reason why they should kick him out (especially if he's been a good kid his entire career), so I wouldn't really worry about that. If they don't seem to be taking it very well, you could step in and suggest he goes to Alcohol 101 (or some similar program for teaching responsible drinking--attending this class is the typical punishment for kids that get in trouble drinking on my campus).</p>
<p>But in reality, BayAreaDad's daughter committed a much worse offense than your son did, so don't let his incredibly unfortunate event scare you into thinking that yours will be treated the same way. </p>
<p>Your son seems like a great kid that made a stupid mistake. Let him deal with it and talk it over with his school before you stress out too much! Hope you feel better--good luck!! -Kristin</p>
<p>If I were the college, I'd make him defer for a year. But I'm not, and there's little chance of that. He - and his drinking - will most likely be welcomed with open arms. </p>
<p>"How can I trust him to go 3 thousand miles away to college?"</p>
<p>Your concern for him is definitely not widely shared among our august educational institutions. I know virtually nothing about you other than you are a loving and concerned parent, and that he (likely a very good student) drinks, on occasion, enough to pass out. The data suggest that, without intervention, he is likely to do so again.</p>
<p>I don't know Mini....the passing out thing is alittle extreme and on a school trip... That smacks to me of non-experience with alcohol. Anecdoctally from my kids the inexperienced are the passer outers and it doesn't necessarily mean that the behavior will (drink to passing out) will continue. I do agree that most likely the OPs son will drink in college. The non-drinkers are in the minority, not one doubt about that.</p>
<p>"I don't know Mini....the passing out thing is alittle extreme and on a school trip... That smacks to me of non-experience with alcohol."</p>
<p>Studies of Duke students done out of the Duke University Medical Center indicate that almost 10% (9.4%) of the Duke student body had blacked out (more serious than simply passing out) from alcohol in the previous two weeks, and more than 39% in the previous year. Virtually all were highly experienced with alcohol.</p>
<p>The point being that, without intervention, once he gets to college he is likely to have company.</p>
<p>At our HS they send a note home during senior year spelling out the consequences of various behaviors. It is also printed in the student responsibilities handbook. Do you have anything like that from the school - they usually send the handbook in the beginning of the year. If ou get one it should spell out what they will do in it.</p>
<p>bogart- Take it a step at a time. This is a very common thing, and the timing is unfortunate. As the above posters have noted, passing out and blacking out is a scary part of college (and high school drinking). I doubt your son's college will care much about this at all, especially with a sincere apology (if this even gets reported to the college). The first step is to beg for mercy from the high school- first offense, etc. Try to get the diploma and get graduated with nothing on the record.<br>
If the school isn't a private school (especially boarding school) there probably won't be sanctions that will affect the college admission. Your son does need to figure out why he would do something that stupid and dangerous, though, because the opportunities to do that kind of thing abound at college.</p>
<p>Mini, what is the difference between blacking out and passing out?</p>
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If I were the college, I'd make him defer for a year. But I'm not, and there's little chance of that. He - and his drinking - will most likely be welcomed with open arms.
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<p>Half of these colleges would probably bump up his merit scholarship in recognition of his proven track record and likelihood of contributing to their "work hard/play hard (i.e. drink like Otis the Town Drunk)" marketing reputations.</p>
<p>Interesteddad I don't know whether to laugh or to cry. When we dropped our eldest off at college I was in his room at a work hard/play hard school when the RA came by with a multiple page list of "dos and don'ts". The RA painstakingly went point by point and very slowly about dorm damage, cleanliness expectations, lofting rules, etc. etc. At about the seventh point he says "anyaknowyurnotposedtodrinkintherdorm" as fast as he could. I just hung my head and held onto the door jam for dear life. "Greaaat" I thought to myself.</p>
<p>I don't think you can trust him to go three thousand miles from home. College will offer constant opportunities to drink, with drinking games and binge drinking encouraged by his peers. So many high schoolers have already developed serious drinking habits that it is very difficult to self-regulate on a
campus sans parents. </p>
<p>Sadly, parents seem to turn a blind eye to h.s. drinking, then are shocked when, at college, kids evolve into full-blown alcoholics, and suffer academically. Maybe some counseling this summer could serve as preparation?</p>
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how can I trust him to go 3 thousand miles away to college?
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I don't think you can trust him to go three thousand miles from home.
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<p>Unless you plan to put him on an 11 PM curfew, live at home, and breathe in your face when he walks in the door if he went to school closer to home, he'll drink in college whether his school is 3000 miles away or 3 blocks down the street.</p>
<p>^^ A little bit of an over-reaction, perhaps? One high school drinking offense and the kid shouldn't go off to college? Our colleges would be pretty empty if all the high school drinkers stayed home. He can drink at home, too (obviously). He needs some insight into why he would take this risk and why he went over the top so much. Perhaps it is inexperience. Most of us have been there at one time or another. I recently read two books which were both based on the real lives of the authors growing up in the 50s-70s. These were very "normal" teens who had normal families and normal lives. There was a moderate amount of high school drinking reported, so I am not sure why everyone acts like this is such horrible new behavior. One of the writers was Bob Greene, by the way.</p>
<p>Alcohol-induced blackouts involve amnesia for the events leading up to passing out. Much more serious than passing out itself. 39% of Duke students have them (or did when the Medical Center surveyed for them.)</p>
<p>I don't think it is horrible new behavior at all. In fact, I think it is old behavior, for which he will have plenty of company when he goes off to college.</p>
<p>But do I think a college should have him come in the fall? Not in the least. I think asking him to defer a year would be a really good thing, both for him and the college. And I think the colleges could find PLENTY of students without the drinkers who passed out and were caught.</p>
<p>But I can't imagine that ever happening.</p>
<p>Dartmouth students experience similar rates of blackout. I can't find the survey report, but here's a summary from another Dartmouth report. "CFS" is Dartmouth's ephemism for fraternites and sororities:</p>
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Half of Dartmouth students vomited at least once in the past year due to excessive alcohol consumption, and more than one in four had done so in a public setting. Twenty-seven percent said they had vomited deliberately to get rid of alcohol in their systems, the practice known as "boot and rally." Half of CFS males reported engaging in this practice, followed by CFS females (24 percent), independent males (22 percent) and independent females (13 percent). In addition, one-fifth of all students reported urinating publicly due to alcohol consumption. Among CFS males, 44 percent reported they had done so at least once in the past year, followed by independent males (28 percent), CFS females (14 percent), and independent females (8 percent).
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<p>*Twenty-seven percent said they had vomited deliberately to get rid of alcohol in their systems, the practice known as "boot and rally." * The best and the brightest?</p>
<p>The consumption of alcohol should be restricted to the casual and moderate drinking of wine and similar beverages that have proven medical benefits. We should treat alcohol consumption on every other level just as we do any other drug: it is addictive, the user has a problem, and help is required.</p>
<p>This may not be a popular position, but I am of the opinion that all campuses should be dry, and campus police forces should be given the authority to raid dorm rooms if alcohol is suspected. One warning should be issued; if a second violation occurs, immediate expulsion should be in order.</p>
<p>I am not religious in any way, so any attempt to link my beliefs on this matter to religious doctrine would be futile. I believe in purity of body and am in favor of institutional policies that are conducive to the maintenance of a pro-learning college environment. Alcohol is an unnecessary distraction, and colleges that turn to a blind eye to the matter may as well be promoting the disgusting culture of binge drinking and beer consumption.</p>
<p>To the OP: I would enroll your son in a treatment program and have a serious talk with him about alcohol use. If he cannot have fun and enjoy life without the use of alcohol, he has deep issues that may be best resolved with the assistance and guidance of a mental health professional.</p>
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the passing out thing is alittle extreme and on a school trip... That smacks to me of non-experience with alcohol. Anecdoctally from my kids the inexperienced are the passer outers and it doesn't necessarily mean that the behavior will (drink to passing out) will continue. I do agree that most likely the OPs son will drink in college.
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The most experienced drinker from my kids' HS, who used to pride himself in his knowledge and experience with drinking, claiming that he knows exactly what he is doing, died in his freshman year of college from alcohol poisoning. (By the way, he was one of the "smartest" kids in the school, if smarts can be measured in APs/SATs/GPAs...)</p>
<p>Yes, many kids drink to the point of passing out. But it is a big mistake to treat it as "not a big deal"...</p>