Seriously considering transferring - need advice (Warning: Long post)

Parents Forum
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<p>Hey there, it's been a while, but I hope you guys haven't changed too much since I've last posted. I browsed here a lot during my college search, and among the last things I posted was being disappointed in not being able to attend my first choice college (Claremont McKenna) and being unsatisfied with my current school, Vanderbilt.</p>

<p>A lot of things have changed in my life since that period. I ended up getting sick halfway through my Fall semester and ended up dropping up the last week before finals and was required to take a semester off. I think I've since then recovered from that bout of illness, but after serious consideration, I think my health has taken a significant dive since high school graduation, and that I will be dealing with chronic health issues for the foreseeable future, if not the rest of my life. I don't think I made too much progress in dealing with these during these issues during the last couple of months, but I've decided to take another semester off to give me another chance to focus on improving my health, among other things. However, I almost certainly plan on returning to school January 2015.</p>

<p>Another thing that happened was that I ended up reconnecting with one of my old high school friends who goes to a liberal arts college. After spending some time with him and meeting with one of his friends and comparing our experiences, I started feeling a lot of discontent with my experiences at college. In particular, the small class sizes and the sense of inclusivity really amazed me. His friend suggested that I might feel better at a smaller school, and that I should consider transferring again. It's not as if I haven't considered transferring before, but I thought I had gotten over that phase. Now, I'm not so sure, and since it was bought up, I haven't been able to get it out of my mind.</p>

<p>To make things more organized, I will try to list out why I would like to consider transferring:</p>

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<li><p>Manageability - I know that Vanderbilt is pretty supportive of its students, but despite this I still feel like I've managed to fall in the cracks in many ways at school. I understand that transferring anywhere is NOT going to solve my health issues, but I do think it would help me feel less overwhelmed. For this, I am only looking at LACs.</p></li>
<li><p>Social scene - Students at my friends' LAC seem to be incredibly welcoming and no one is rejected from anything at all. It's been more of a mixed bag at Vanderbilt. I know some people will say the opposite, but I honestly cannot say I've been overjoyed at my experience even though I swear I entered college with an open mind and wasn't just submitting to preconceptions. In particular, I think the prevalence of Greek Life at school is an issue. It has its pros and cons, but in some ways I feel that not being Greek makes me a second or third tier citizen, and I think it does leave a bitter taste in a lot of student's mouths. It's not to say I haven't made friends at Vandy, but I'm worried about depriving myself of the chance at being at a setting I would really fit in. </p></li>
<li><p>Class sizes - Class sizes aren't all huge at Vandy, but I think it still leaves a little to be desired. In particular, I looked at Philosophy classes since I'm interested in majoring in it, and a lot of the classes seemed to have 25-30 people, which is a bit disappointing and having attended a 30-person class last semester, I thought it was a lot less conducive to discussion that the 3-person class I was able to attend during the summer. </p></li>
</ol>

<p>Here are the cons of transferring:</p>

<ol>
<li><p>Finances - Vanderbilt did give my parents the best financial aid, and I think it will be difficult to get that amount of aid as a transfer to anywhere. I won't be getting into the specifics of this, but I have bought it up with my parents and they said they are willing to consider despite the possible costs.</p></li>
<li><p>Distance - Another reason my parents wanted me to attend Vanderbilt was because it is close to home. Being close does make packing a lot easier, but I don't think I should base my decision on where to attend school on that alone. </p></li>
<li><p>Reputation - I do think that employer wise, more people have heard of Vanderbilt than many LACs. However, I think my career plans have changed since the end of high school.</p></li>
</ol>

<p>Here is my plan:</p>

<p>I am going to return to school January of 2015 with an open mind. I will also try to keep in touch with friends at school before then and attend as many on school events as possible. But I'm really conflicted as to whether I should bother trying to transfer for a Spring opening or rather I should just wait until the end of the semester to make a decision. And of course, I would like to hear any opinions about my decision to transfer in general. </p>

<p>Hope this makes sense. It's 5 in the morning where I am, but I really had to get this out before I go to bed.</p>

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<p>That doesn’t seem likely. People are people wherever you go.</p>

<p>I don’t know that transferring is the wrong decision, but I’d be very careful not to fall into “the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence” philosophy.</p>

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<p>There are pros and cons to every college, and as Nrdsb4 stated- people are people wherever you go. Vanderbilt isn’t huge but it is large enough that I would think one could find a friend group among the students there. </p>

<p>It is easier to see both the pros and cons to a college one is familiar with than at one you don’t know. “Grass is greener” happens. </p>

<p>One concern that I see here is the financial aid aspect. You have stated that Vanderbilt is the best financial option. Transferring can be costly.</p>

<p>In addition to “people are people” is another concept ( and title of a book) “Wherever you go, there you are”. Basically, you take your own situation with you. You have recently struggled with health issues, and that takes a physical and mental toll. I would imagine you had little energy for socializing, and making the best out of where you are. If you feel badly, it affects your mood. This isn’t your fault, nor is it the college. It could have happened anywhere. </p>

<p>I think your plan to take the time to recover and manage your health is a good one- and then to return to your college when you feel physically up to it, and reevaluate it then. Your health is your first concern, and I wish you a good recovery. Once you are well, things may look different. </p>

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<p>I’m not sure whether your health concerns are physical or mental, but both concern me. It might be a good idea not to go too far from home until you are confident of your full recovery.</p>

<p>Also I am not sure about your status as a transfer / new student since you did not complete your first semester but instead withdrew. You might want to ask some of your potential target schools how they might consider your application; it never hurts to ask.</p>

<p>In making your decisions, please do some navel gazing and think about whether your desire NOT to go to Vanderbilt, especially when combined with the health problems, in some ways contributed to your unhappiness-- were you maybe your own enemy in this respect? Did you maybe block yourself from being open to making friends, or put up preconceived notions of who could/could not be a friend?</p>

<p>Sometimes very small schools are just the right thing; other times they can be a disaster, because if at first you don’t fit on, there are a lot fewer places to look for friends. There can be safety on numbers.</p>

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<p>My daughter has been looking at some smaller LACs and I can see where you are coming from. They have a friendlier vibe. Also with the health issues, it might be good to go to a less intense college. </p>

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<p>I don’t think reputation is a big deal, but finances should be, and distance may matter as well, especially if you have health issues.</p>

<p>Basically, you have to ask yourself “what are my goals?”</p>

<p>Not being part of the “in” crowd doesn’t feel great, but you should keep a longer-term perspective. You won’t be there your whole life.</p>

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<p>Perhaps you need a gap year. Get your health back on track, because it likely has been affecting your perspective and ability to bond with your school.
How much longer do you have?
Classes dont always transfer, adding another expense.</p>

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<p>I think it doesn’t hurt to look at some smaller and less competitive options. Maybe a lower pressure environment without a social competitiveness element would be a better fit. It is certainly possible to feel excluded at a small LAC (I did), but tiny schools without Greek systems generally do not not have a social hierarchy where people feel like 2d or 3d class citizens the way Vandy does. </p>

<p>Right now, you don’t have to decide where to enroll or when – you just have to decide whether to look into some additional options as you continue your recovery. IMHO, it’s fine to explore that.</p>

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<p>About finances - I don’t want to get too much into detail about them for my parents’ privacy because money is a sensitive issue, but I am very certain that we could afford to pay for any school that accepted me. Whether my parents would want to or consider it the best use of their money is another issue. I have my own rationalizations as to why spending more money at a different school would be justified but I think that is between me and my parents.</p>

<p>I wish CC had an edit option so that more people would see this. But I don’t think there is anything more I can say about the finances issue until I talk with my parents some more and the bill actually comes. </p>

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<p>Like I said, I took a semester off and am taking another semester off. Does that count as a gap year?</p>

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<p>That is a good thing to consider. My high school friend apparently did feel excluded at the LAC for a while, and there’s no telling if things would’ve automatically gone better had he gone to Vanderbilt or another larger university instead. Heck, his own friend, who seems incredibly easy going and popular, also said he didn’t enjoy his first year there either.</p>

<p>Still, when I told them about my outright rejections from Greek life and other organizations, it seemed absurd and I felt pretty embarrassed to go to a school like that. I’m willing to give them another try, and I know no place ever is completely welcoming. I’ve even found a place at school I feel like is pretty welcoming of who I am. Still, I can’t help but wonder…</p>

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<p>For myself, I’m not sure why distance is a big deal other than packing and travelling. For me, the main effect of living so close to home besides that is that my mother ends up visiting my dorm and cleaning out my room without me asking her to. I’ve had some health episodes at school, but I dealt with those on my own through visiting the hospital. </p>

<p>I also did complete one year of school, I ended up withdrawing my third semester.</p>

<p>I do believe I went to school with an open mind, and I was really excited to start college. </p>

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<p>Is that your mother’s way of checking up on your mental and physical health? It sounds like excessive hovering to me. Does she have reason to think you might spiral down without seeking help? It sounds as if you have sought medical help when you needed to, without your parents’ prompting.</p>

<p>I think that Hanna’s advice is good: you can check out some other schools without committing yourself to anything. I would suggest, if you do transfer, finding a LAC that is far enough away to make drop in visits by your mother inconvenient, but still makes moving in and out comparatively easy. Say, 3 hours away by car. </p>

<p>Assuming Nashville as the starting location, Centre College in Kentucky would seem to fit the bill. Sewanee is closer, and perhaps not as much of a fit. Earlham, which I would think would be great for you, is about 5. (Depending where your parents actually live.) </p>

<p>Where were you initially accepted?</p>

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<p>*Whether my parents would want to or consider it the best use of their money is another issue. *</p>

<p>Hasnt that been an issue all along?</p>

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<p>Sewanee is heavily greek. </p>

<p>How much school have you completed? Did you take off one or two semesters your first year? Did you recieve any credits during your second year? </p>

<p>Would you still consider Wellesley?</p>

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<p>I was thinking of some of the Ohio LACs – Wooster et al. Less Greek than the Sewanee/Centre model that predominates in the South.</p>

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<p>One of the hardest challenges, at your age, is knowing oneself and what is truly a better path. </p>

<p>So, we often let our kids experiment- but when someone else is footing the bill, it’s good to respect that. </p>

<p>Know that you aren’t comparing your own experience at a small LAC and wanting to go back. To some extent, you are speculating based on a slice. Maybe a social slice and others’ views. So be wise.</p>

<p>Sure, look at the idea. But we don’t know why you feel this LAC is so friendly- is it religious? Many people find the smaller a school is, the harder to fit all our facets in with the limited number of others. There can sometimes be conformity pressures. Even if that’s not all kids operating in one manner, there may be fewer groups, less variety, in the first place. You have lots to think about.</p>

<p>How does you mother get into your room and clean against your wishes? You need to be aware how much of this may be about leaving parental influence. Many kids need a measure of that- but it needs consideration.</p>

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<p>How did your mother gain access to your room? She never should have had a key! For the future- set your boundaries to exclude her from your living place. Typically you are issued one key and are not allowed to make copies. Plus- you need to be sure none of the people around you let her in the building or your room.</p>

<p>Perhaps a school without a strong Greek system would be helpful, or ignoring its presence. There is plenty of social outside of being Greek at most campuses I would hope.</p>

<p>I agree with the “grass is greener” phenomenon regarding your HS friend. Visiting is one thing, being there all of the time may change how people treat you. Having confidence in yourself as a person will make it a lot easier to ignore groups that don’t want you and be able to be a friend to others.</p>

<p>Somehow only having 3 others to discuss with in a class sounds as bad as 30. Not enough diversity. Consider what the upper level courses are like. How many different faculty will you encounter in your major? Class sizes can be much smaller in those classes. How many different courses are available at various schools on your radar? Forget prestige/name but look at what your experience would be. You may even want to change your major or add one. Consider public U’s in your state to help the budget.</p>

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<p>I went to a small LAC, 600 students in each class. The great thing about LAC is it is small. The bad thing about LAC is it is small. If you are able to get into a great group, it is wonderful, but if for whatever reason you don’t fit in, it can also be difficult. I knew everyone after first year. I knew who were dating, what happened every weekend. To have a casual first date, we had to go to out of town so we wouldn’t be labeled as BF/GF. It was hard to move in and out of a clique. </p>

<p>My kids went to a small prep school. Both of them wanted to go to a large uni because they were tired of small school where everyone knew each other’s business.</p>

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<p>By this December, you will have taken a year off from school. I realize you may feel that’s enough, and that you want to start back to school in January. But if you’re seriously considering transferring, I’d suggest postponing your return until you [bknow** where you’ll be attending school. Going back to Vandy for a semester, and then transferring somewhere else seems unnecessarily disruptive.</p>

<p>Submit your transfer applications this fall, spend the spring semester working, if you’re up to it, see what your options are when the transfer decisions come in, and then start fresh - at Vandy or elsewhere - next fall.</p>

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<p>^ I agree with Dodgersmom that going back to Vandy after a year off, only to transfer out and start over would be disruptive. You need to do some soul searching to figure out whether it’s really the school environment or personal issues that are causing your discontent.</p>

<p>If you decide to transfer, I wouldn’t automatically rule out small LACs like Centre or Sewanee just because of their Greek life. Not all Greek life is the same. Vandy, like many of the larger Southern schools, has a very competitive and status driven Greek life. At many small LACs, Greek life is far more laid back and inclusive. Recruitment isn’t so competitive, parties are open to all, and separate Greek housing is often limited or non- existent so close friendships form via dorms regardless of Greek affiliation. </p>

<p>It’s a good idea to go at least far enough away to limit your mom’s drop-in visits. </p>

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<p>I know this sounds bad but I just don’t lock my dorm. I’ve never had an issue with this other than my mom visiting me. And I didn’t know everyone in my dorm so there is no way to ask everyone to not let her in. I should probably start locking my dorm room for safety’s sake though.</p>