<p>My D got into 5 out of 6 schools that she applied to. One turns out to be too far away. One turns out -- after visiting -- to be a "wouldn't go there if they paid me a million dollars." (Great school, really bad gut reaction.) </p>
<p>This leaves three. We have visited two. Both are fine schools in very different subject areas. (Art school vs liberal arts). One is definitely a VERY alternative place, with all the pros and cons that entails. The biggest problem is that she has some real doubts now about both of them, and is pretty sure she doesn't want to go to the third school either. (We are visiting it next week.) </p>
<p>I can see her trying to decide which to pick, but it's clear that she's trying to decide between two schools she isn't that crazy about, the better of two so-so choices. </p>
<p>She has been unenthusiastic about college applications since the beginning and now it seems that she is faced with the results of that. I really want to suggest to her that rather than choose either school, she take a year off, do something great, really get into the school selection process, and find a place that really excites her. </p>
<p>Also: The one school that she was really excited about, and in fact the only school she has wanted to go to for years, she refused to apply to. She had all kinds of good reasons, but I think that the real reason is that the stakes were so high she got into a panic about not getting in, and got blocked on the application and didn't apply. I encouraged her to go for it, but she wouldn't. So I'm even sadder to see her struggling now with this decision about where to go.</p>
<p>I think kids should go to "specialty" schools (like Art school) only if they are absolutely sure that's all they want - and even then it can be risky...</p>
<p>I would recommend going to her best choice of liberal arts school, doing well there, and transferring after a year if she is unhappy with it.</p>
<p>I'm a big advocate for gut reactions, but she appears to be having that to most schools so I think you should have a discussion about waiting a year. Consider deferring admittance to her top choice liberal arts school. (I agree with nngmm about selecting a specialty school when you're not completely sure).</p>
<p>I agree to the Gap year. Maybe she is just not ready for college this year. Have her defer at the LAC for a year, that the Gap year, and reapply to other schools next year.</p>
<p>Did she just not research the schools well or do you think she just doesn't want to go anywhere? Spend the summer looking over all school that she thinks will fit her needs and wants. Maybe you both will find the perfect school and in the meantime you daughter can work, travel, take classes at a local university, or do something that will allow her to grow as a person.</p>
<p>Perhaps there is some other reason these colleges do not appeal to her? Does she not want to go away, but not want to admit it since many of her friends are doing so? Perhaps she is just afraid to jump in the pool - lots of other kids are too. </p>
<p>I think the gap year is a good idea provided she does something worthwhile, besides flipping burgers or playing video games. My eldest son admitted after 2 ivy league acceptances that he didn't want to go away to college (yet) and that he just wanted to be at home. He took some community college classes, got his pilot's license, spent 3 months in S. Mississippi helping Katrina victims, and helped rebuild a fire-ravaged church. After about 8 months, he was thrilled to apply to the college he really wanted to attend, and has been very successful there.</p>
<p>About the art school, I, too, would hold off on that one. Better an art program at an LAC.</p>
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She has been unenthusiastic about college applications since the beginning and now it seems that she is faced with the results of that. I really want to suggest to her that rather than choose either school, she take a year off, do something great, really get into the school selection process, and find a place that really excites her.
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<p>Do you have reason to believe that she will muster more enthusiasm for the process during a gap year? My D was also unenthusiastic about the college search process (although not blocked or panicked). She got into a number of fine schools, sort of selected by throwing a dart, and wound up at a school that turned out to be a poor fit. Solution: As a freshman, she discovered exactly what she wanted, and she transferred to a school where she has been very happy.</p>
<p>You know your kid better than we do. But my suggestion is that if the real issue is simply lack of enthusiasm for the college admissions process, or even lack of enthusiasm for the prospect of going to college, she should choose one of non-arts schools to which she's been accepted. Worst case scenario: She transfers.</p>
<p>Thank you all. She has been so resistant to the whole process and yet she really wants to get going and be somewhere this fall. Which hasn't made a whole lot of sense to me, and now it lands her in this difficult position. I think she could and would put together a really amazing gap year, but not sure she would take that option. I'm definitely going to put it on the table, though, as an option.</p>
<p>Heron, you are the best judge of what's going on here. Is she the kind of kid who has trouble making choices out of a wide array??? i.e. tried on 30 prom dresses only to end up with the first one she tried on? Is she good at transitions or does she need a lot of support to feel comfortable in new situations? Does she suffer from buyer's remorse once she's made a decision and try to second guess herself a lot, even over relatively trivial matters?</p>
<p>I don't really see this as much of a college thing but perhaps just personality. Some kids have trouble with the decision-making but then end up loving whereever they choose. Others are like Goldilocks- this college is too big, this one too cold, this one has too many jocks- or whatver, and they never really adjust to where they are, even after a transfer or time out or two.</p>
<p>We could probably be more helpful to you if you could give us a sense of her personality. A long-time ago poster here named Jamimom used to say that some kids are like dandilions-- they'll thrive in a crack in a sidewalk-- and so for those kids, just stick them somewhere and they'll make it work. For others- more like orchids- they need the right temperature, humidity, care and feeding, etc. and for them, it's worth being comprehensive and exhaustive in figuring out an optimal match.</p>
<p>But don't expend a lot of grief if she's the type of kid who usually can make situations work for her.</p>
<p>I second the idea of taking the art school off the table for now. I know lots of grads from places like RISD-- the other students there are likely to be highly passionate about what they do-- so much so that they couldn't see themselves doing anything else. It can be very intimidating to a kid who isn't 100% committed yet.</p>
<p>You could encourage her to pick one of the LACs and just give it her best shot. Even if she is hesitant at first, she will not be the only one and she may end up being very happy. All it takes is one good friend, one good class, etc. Very important to stress that if by Christmas, it isn't doing it for her, there is no failure in transferring.</p>
<p>Taking a gap year because she did not find a "perfect" school might put more pressure on finding that "perfect" school for next year, and I am one of those on this board that doesn't really believe that such a school exists.</p>
<p>Or alternatively -- are there any local schools that are still taking applications at which she can get some general eds out of the way? Not community colleges, but perhaps a regional state school? That way, she's still making progress and "doing" college while mulling it all over.</p>
<p>It's very hard for anyone who doesn't know your daughter to know what's really going on in her head. My daughter was also very reluctant to get into the college search, and "unenthusiastic" would be putting it mildly. I had to drag her, kicking and screaming, to visit colleges. Still, she applied to seven schools and picked one, where she's been very very happy (she's finishing up her freshman year). So although I'm familiar with what you're dealing with, I don't have any concrete advice to give. </p>
<p>If she doesn't have to decide until May 1, maybe suggesting NOT talking about college would be good for a week or so. Just let her mull her choices over, and something may rise to the top.</p>
<p>Heron,
If you are seriously considering the gap year option, make sure to check with your health insurance to see if your daughter will still be covered (many cover kids over 18 only if they are full time students).</p>
<p>I'm interested in the fact that the school which wasn't ruled out for being too far away then became too distant once your D got in. How far away is it? My Ds go to college 1100 miles away, which seemed like a huge distance at first. But now, it's the same length of trip; it's just a matter of paying $200-300 RT for air travel instead of driving a car.</p>
<p>"Oh well, still 2 weeks left before we have to send a check. Probably via Express Mail the day before due."</p>
<p>Not to mention the local Federal Express Office! Best wishes - I am sure that things will work out - it is a hard decision for anyone to make. </p>
<p>One of our son's friends changed her mind no less than 5 times at a Science Olympiad competition my husband was helping coach. She would tell him her choice (school A), do an event, explain that she had changed her mind (school B), do an event ... I think that he was helpful as a sounding-board. He made encouraging noises as she talked, and sometimes would ask a question if he thought it would help achieve clarity.</p>
<p>I do have to wonder at the fact that she's not excited about any of them and wouldn't apply to the one she likes best. It does wave a few red flags about readiness perhaps. But there's still time to visit another and think about it. It's important that she knows she can find another good option if she decides to go to none of them next fall.</p>
<p>Does sound like a readiness problem, in which case a gap year may be good if done properly as opposed to sitting around. I agree with the go to a LAC as opposed to a specialty school where there is this much doubt. I am a fan of a Lib Arts education anyway.</p>
<p>What a timely thread-both kids accepted at a number of great colleges, and yet as D-Day roles around, both seem to find things that aren't right. Reading through this thread I realize :
1. We have two "orchid" kids at our house-they will do well given the right conditions-but oh how to know those conditios are the correct ones.
2. Wish I had access to s "college readiness" survey/profile. Both are more than ready academically-probably not many reading CC whose kids do not fill that bill, so to speak. But emotional and psychological readiness seem much harder to quantify D sounds so much like Heron's child. I am a big believer in going with one's gut instinct.</p>
<p>The Gap Year idea has been tossed around in our home lately-we are visiting/revisiting 3 schools in the final two weeks. If nothing feels right, my inclination would be to defer for a year-but I worry how to help both move forward and to be sure it's not my own lack of readiness that keeps me from encouraging any decision.</p>
<p>GT, they are still unsure? I know how you feel. We went through this last year. I firmly believed that D would choose a school & bloom where planted. It hasn't worked out that way, but that's how it goes. Seems like most will be happy once they get on campus & find a group of friends. I think that makes it even harder for those who do not find a fit even after some time on campus ... all their friends seem so happy, and they (while not unhappy) feel like they just aren't quite where they should be. However, you never know until you take the leap. Judging from all the posts I have viewed, I would say that "most" find happiness even if they end up at the best option because they didn't have a definite favorite. If they decide later that they would rather be somewhere else, that's always an option.</p>