<p>At S1's school, kids tend to apply to the flagship (which is very generous with merit $$ to these kids) and to high reaches. There is definitely some of the "protecting from disappointment," but the larger factor in not disclosing too much is that they were in a very challenging program and did not need any more pressure or competition.</p>
<p>S1 spent a lot of time helping friends talk through college choices and looking at essays, though he would not look at essays until he had all of his finished and submitted. When decisions came in, everyone was supportive and excited for one another.</p>
<p>As a parent, I definitely felt there were some folks with whom it was "safe" to talk about apps. With others, it would have been inappropriate.</p>
<p>edvest1, what you are describing is a situation where the fourth ranked student was not going to be accepted even if the top three ranked students chose to another school for early admission.</p>
<p>zoosermom, your neighbor sounds like my husband's ex-wife. She is obsessed with my daughter and everything she does.. her hs GPA, college apps and acceptances, social status, hair, car scholarships, .. She is crazy creepy and that is only part of it.</p>
<p>I think everyone should adopt an underclassman's parent. He/she can be your safe sounding board as your kids aren't "in competition," and they would benefit by learning from your struggles.</p>
<p>At my son's school, all his friends know where he applied, and he knows where they applied. He's lucky because where his applications go will be very difficult than theirs -- his scores and GPA are much higher. But there is so competition among the group for spots at our state university. There is a belief that there is a quota -- fortunately, my son did not apply there and has no plans to do so. There are kids who wants guidance to re-rank after the first semester, because that ranking could change (or they believe it will) their chances of going to the state university. </p>
<p>Yes, small schools have their benefits. The drawback is that everyone knows what everyone is doing.</p>
<p>The kids and parents at our hs adopt a common sense policy. Kids may talk in very general terms about schools they like, SAT scores, GPA, etc., but they share the particulars only with especially close friends. And if it turns out they were wrong about being able to trust those friends, there's some ugly fallout.</p>
<p>I can think of one good friend whose d was in class with mine - we were quite open with each other about schools, scores, interviews, scholarships, etc. Both girls had the same safety, but very different interests and plans, and wound up in very different places. And I've never believed that my kids were more in competition with classmates from their own school than from the great unknown, anyway.</p>
<p>But spill my guts to a classmate's mom in the grocery store? Not on your life. And I'd have serious problems with the private school in Wisconsin mentioned in post 10 above. I'd object to any school posting when and where my kid's transcript was mailed in a spot where everyone could read it. At the very least, I don't see why the guidance office doesn't move the list inside the office - and coding the schools wouldn't be very difficult, either.</p>
<p>I can certainly understand the desire..no the need... to keep information very private in zoosermom's case (thats awful) but as for the general issue of sharing or not sharing where a kid is applying-- I think its a matter of personal comfort or personality style. I am a pretty open person-- I am comfortable sharing information. Others are much more private and keep more to themselves. Both are equally ok in my book.</p>
<p>In my experience, the kids are not nearly as inquisitive, or as competitive, as the parents. And it's the nosiest moms who are the most secretive about where their own kids are applying! When pressed for information about my son's list last year, I always said, "S has asked me not to talk about his, and I have to respect his request." This strategy worked well, and wasn't too contentious.</p>
<p>As D is only a junior and hasn't applied anywhere yet, it's difficult to say what we'll do. I suppose that I'll follow her instructions about what info is to be kept private/who I'm allowed to share her list with. She's not planning to apply ED anywhere. </p>
<p>I have noticed that at her school, some parents just seem to be full of information about where all the kids applied, what their GPAs are and what their scores are. The kids all seem to know as well. My D tends to be a private person when it comes to her grades/plans, so I'm not sure what she'll do next year about sharing her info when it comes to college apps. </p>
<p>zoosermom - sorry to hear about your stalkerish neighbor - that can't be comfortable for you or your D. I'm glad the kids don't seem to have a problem though.</p>
<p>Zooser, that IS a bummer. I'm glad the daughter can rise above the mother. At our HS there is a boy who seems to know everyone's gpa, test score and class rank, and openly discusses it. He has asked a number of kids this info--and some (out of shock?) have told him, but he seems to know more info than he should. He also kind of stalked a boy who was applying to the same school, and was looking at his answers to some supplemental essay questions. Really weird stalkerish. Fortunately, my S is looking at music schools, so there's not any overlap except for the state school.</p>
<p>My S had to experience the humiliation and disappointment of being deferred from the school he was in love with EA while a classmate was accepted. </p>
<p>Apparently the acceptee told people that S was deferred over the weekend, having heard it from the alumni interviewer who called to congratulate him, since it was all over the school before S got there and S had told no one. Flatteringly, perhaps, many of S's classmates were astounded that S was not accepted--and I literally had parents stop me in the supermarket aisles to express surprise and commiserate--but it was not a pleasant experience for him.</p>
<p>Hopefully, you reported the incident to the college. That is extremely unprofessional, and I would want to know if my child was interviewing with an alumni who had exhibited that type of behavior.</p>
<p>I trust your S ended up someplace where he is thriving!</p>
<p>The problem arises when someone else finds out your details and broadcasts them to the entire world. My D had a classmate last year who made it his business to find out, and disseminate, everyone else's grades. In this era of facebook 'walls' and 'news feeds', it is easy to go from three people knowing your details to the entire universe knowing them.</p>
<p>After listening in the car to a conversation my DS (junior) had with his friend (a senior) where GPAs, colleges applied to and so forth were discussed, I had a brief talk with him. He seemed to have his head on straight as to who he'd talk to about what. Other than the fact that the world seems to know he'll apply to USC (many of the kids seem to know he could go their tuition free since DH is on faculty), they'll have to guess for the rest.</p>
<p>As for me, I have a tight group of about 2-3 friends that I dialogue with regarding college issues. I've known them a long time and they are discrete ... but also the type that would offer a jolly hooray if DS gets into his top choice (whatever that may be) next year.</p>
<p>I share information with a couple of friends who also have seniors, but there is no overlap in the schools. One of the best things about CC is having a safe, anonymous place to discuss the process, and I've never seen a parent be anything but supportive.</p>
<p>As far as my S talking about it? Nah, he wouldn't discuss his scores and it's a small school so most of the kids have a general idea about each other's GPA.</p>
<p>
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I think it is being naiive to say kids will "get accepted to where they get accepted to" when you run smack against the school val for the same spot. Check your HS record. How many got accepted to that school in a single year. If the counts are like 0-1-0-0-1-1-0....you pretty much know it's a poor idea.
[/quote]
I have to agree with this, in general. There is definitely strategy involved in deciding where to apply early, especially if you don't have a clear favorite. For all your applications, you have to evaluate how likely you are to be accepted; that's part of what reach, match, and safety mean. If you look at the scattergrams for my kids' school, it's pretty clear that some colleges only take one or two kids from the school each year; if you know that three or four highly qualified kids are applying to a school early, it might make plenty of strategic sense to apply early somewhere else. I'm not saying this should be the dominating factor, but I think you should be fairly hardheaded and realistic about the process.</p>
<p>Hunt: I agree with you that a little bit of strategy is a good idea but I often wonder whether students sell themselves short in the early decision and early action rounds.</p>
<p>
[quote]
There is definitely strategy involved in deciding where to apply early, especially if you don't have a clear favorite.
[/quote]
If we're talking about non-binding admissions, then definitely! But students should not be applying ED to any college unless it is their clear favorite, should they?</p>
<p>That's right Frazzled--ED should be used for your first choice, I'll definitely attend, school. Tufts admissions person told us a couple of years ago, it says "I love you the most" and acceptance says "We love you back!"</p>