<p>Update: </p>
<p>Some of you saw my post a week or so ago about my D being totally unexcited about college, and unwilling or unable to talk about it. So the dam finally broke. The lack of excitement? She's changed her mind, and now wants to go to the other of the two schools she was torn between when making up her mind in April. </p>
<p>I'm glad that the cards are finally on the table, but of course we now have a new set of problems.</p>
<p>Anyone have any experience with this?</p>
<p>No experience, but my guess is you should be on the phone to the other school rather than on CC right now.....find out if there is even a spot for her left......</p>
<p>No idea which two schools you are referring to, but whatever they are, your "new set of problems" will only be resolved when you figure out the above....</p>
<p>Happens all of the time. Not just with colleges either. Called buyers' remorse, or the grass is always greener....not very helpful, I know. </p>
<p>If she can do an about face and get into the other school, and if the finances can work out, great, let her do it. If she really despises the school she has already picked and can't get into the other school, perhaps a year at a local school still open for apps, or a gap year and a re do may be in line. There are alternatives, and she needs to pick from them. Some kids change their minds many times right up to the end. I remember one year parents leaving a tearful student at a college, who really did not want to go there any more. Hurt those parents terribly. In that case, she did adjust, I learned. But sometimes, it does not work, kid comes home and it's back to square 1 or plan B.</p>
<p>I don't have any experience with this, but I would say that SHE (not you) should pursue this on her own. First your daughter would need to get in touch with the school she turned down and see if she can still enroll. Then she needs to pay you back for whatever you spent reserving a place at the first school.</p>
<p>My D's friend did exactly this on the way TO the school (she was doing a summer program). Halfway there she broke down and said she's not sure she made the right choice. The school was too large, too far from home and she wasn't sure she wanted to pursue the major she choose after all. The family pulled over and discussed the pro's and con's for two hours before deciding to turn around and go home. Upon returning home, the mom made some calls and two of the schools she was accepted to said they could take her (one even would honor a scholarship that was offered). The school she decided not to go to said they would hold a spot for her for the spring semester and she would not lose any money other than the initial $300 deposit. I think my D's friend made a very wise decision - it all looked good back in March/April when she was making decisions but as it got closer she realized it wasn't really for her. As it turns out, she'll be able to attend a school closer to home for less money and still have the option of going to the bigger school in the Spring. So I think your family should explore what the options are and then help her to decide. I have told my daughter when she wonders what to major in, etc. You want her to be happy and make the best decision for her. Good Luck!</p>
<p>S2 just told me this a.m. that a friend (girl) who graduated with him in June had just this week been admitted to the state u. that S will attend. I asked "why so late?". He said she had been planning to attend a small all female private school and had just decided that it was not for her. Luckily it was not too late to get in at the state u. S says she will def. attend state u. and is happy and relieved.</p>
<p>A good friend of ours committed to a private college with a decent financial aid package. When she received a number of outside scholarships, her aid was reduced accordingly, which upset her. When she decided to commute so that she could keep her car, thereby keeping a job that she was finding valuable and interesting, and saving money, her aid was cut even further. One of the profs she really liked at the school left that summer, and she found out that the two programs she like best were pretty much incompatible in terms of scheduling. I thing the true deciding factor was that every time she went to the school with questions or to look around that summer (it was local), she felt she was not well treated. A feeling of unease grew to a dislike about her choice. Fortunately, she was able to get a spot at her state U though she did lose a grant that she would have gotten had she accepted them from the onset, but she was quite relieved that she changed her plans. It was not an easy situation for the mother, whom I know well, however. I have to admit that I am glad that the process is over and if S should change his mind, my stomach will turn. But they never said that raising kids was going to be easy.</p>
<p>That's great news! She wasn't mired in apathy, she was just pointed in the wrong direction.</p>
<p>I agree with LurkNess that it should be up to the D to explore the ramifications of making a change. And they go far beyond the financial implications to her and her family. What about those who were denied admission or worse yet, waitlisted, at the school she does not now want to attend? We've all read the anguished exchanges of kids and parents on the waitlists. It is affecting many more people that she is unaware of. </p>
<p>This is especially true if the reason for second thoughts is really not a rational reason. For instance, deciding an all-girls school is not for you is a significant realization and might warrant a change. However, fear of the unknown or a different environment can be dealt with in other ways. Another visit to campus? Making contact with a roommate or member of the orientation committee? </p>
<p>However, if the D does the contacting herself and has to work through all the issues involved, it will really become clear whether this is a workable change and worth the effort or whether it is just cold feet that will be forgotten once the semester begins. </p>
<p>Good luck to all who find themselves in this position.</p>
<p>Thanks everyone, especially for the stories of similar situations. And thanks, gadad, for your lovely supportive comment!</p>
<p>Please let her go. I made the wrong choice, and I have regretted it every day since.</p>
<p>I have a friend who son was MISERABLE all summer about his college choice (and by extension was making everyone else miserable). Unfortunately this kid was not motivated during senior year about college and this school was a "last resort." One afternoon in early August this young man asked his dad if he could drive him to neighboring state next day. Dad said yes but why. S said he had contacted Neighboring State U about attending in the fall and he had an interview. Dad was floored but said OK.</p>
<p>Next day off they went to Neighboring State U. Son had amassed all the correct information (transcript, board scores, etc.). Had a meeting with Adcom at NSU and voila welcome freshman.</p>
<p>The key here is that SON took control--finally. He is happy. Dad confirmed that most (not all) of deposit at original college would be refunded so he is happy. Now hats off to dad for not saying "you know if you had been so motivated in January this would not have been a problem."</p>
<p>I am glad to hear this happens to other parents - my youngest told me the day after I mailed the deposit, on April 26th, that she didnt want to go.
I was so fed up. I told her it is all hers. She needed to make the phone calls etc. She applied to our local U but is still on Plan A and not all that happy about it. Once the bill is paid there is no turning back though.</p>
<p>Wow. This has been an incredibly helpful topic. I didn't encounter it with D1 but will keep the wisdom shared here should it happen with D2.</p>
<p>I feel like the key thing is that sometimes our tongues have to bleed-- that is, we have to bite them in order to refrain from venting our frustration. This is so difficult for these kids, isn't it? I give a lot of credit to Triguena's friend for holding back what must have been a trillion questions and comments. I don't think I could have done it. It's a lesson for all of us in many situations with these "new adults."</p>