<p>common app ec short answer. please critique, i would really appreciate it. to be honest im pretty lost when it comes to punctuation. i dont want to detract from the emotion by taking out punctuation, but im not sure what admissions would consider over the top. its 988 characters. / i realize its a more unconventional approach, but i didnt want to write a "blah blah i raised a million dollars for charity and im a seventeen year old entrepreneur" kind of essay. im very passionate about the subject and really want whoever reads it to feel...i dunno...gritty almost. or at least slightly inspired. :P</p>
<p>I can remember sitting on the wood floors watching, entranced by entrechats and pirouettes, waiting for the day I could finally join the big girls. I can still remember taking class from former principal dancer of the Kirov Ballet, Galina Mezentseva, who even in her slight frame embodied the severity of Imperial Russia. I might have trembled in her presence, just like I might have cried the first time I danced en pointe, but since the age of three I have been conditioned by my art. To be motivated is not enough; a dancer is relentless.
I step from the fall breeze into the familiarity of the studio, taking my usual spot at the barre between the delicate juxtaposition of agony and artistry. Tchaikovsky doesn't stop for blood, sweat or tears. I breathe deeply and stare ahead pensively, remembering. The wonderment of a young girl is summoned by my spirit, refined by passion and personified with every movement of my body. I have a voice in a world where there are no words.</p>
<p>Haha, believe it or not, I’ve read less essays about raising “million dollars for charity and im a seventeen year old entrepreneur” than dancing, drawing, and reading. It’s common on CC. </p>
<p>Advice:
Why are you listing specific names? i.e. it’s uncomfortable to read random names.
Why are you being cliche? i.e. too cliche.
Why is it a juxtaposing agony and artistry @_@ i.e. there is no point/seems whinny.
Why are you exaggerating? i.e. “BLOOD, sweat, and TEARS” it’s a gross series of hyperbole(s).
Why did you leave on a note that confuses the reader? i.e. you can find what you were going for… but it’s random and not all that deep, I would end on a humorous, less solemn tone :D</p>
<p>I’m kind of in hurry to get back to working on my app, so this may seem harsh. I’m trying to help though. Best wishes!!!</p>
<p>Hmmm. I had to read it a couple of times to get it. Not a good sign when the schools only give your application a few minutes.</p>
<p>The topic is appropriate. I agree to get rid of the dancer’s name. Can you change the dreamy (faux artistic even) writing and just tell us why you have loved dancing since the age of 3?</p>
<p>hm. i see where yall are coming from. put the dancers name because i felt like it demonstrated a specific opportunity ive had. but i suppose its not that cool to most people. “gross series of hyperboles” harharhar. well any dancer would know that’s not exactly hyperbolic. you really do bleed, sweat and cry. but its cliche i know. i realize this is a rough short answer. i wrote it in twenty minutes. i would expect nothing less than to see it be ripped apart.
but i.e. i honestly dont feel i.e. like it has a solemn i.e. ending at all. /why would i end humorously? dance is no laughing matter. 
dukes21, the “faux artistic” comment…ouch. you are such a heartbreaker. could have stayed with “dreamy”.</p>