<p>Here is my short answer essay for the common application (in 150 words or less eleborate on an extracurricular, personal activity, or work experience). This is what I wrote if there are any suggestions please lmk. Thanks</p>
<p>I have a fascination for animals, which is why during my junior year I decided to do my community service at the local animal shelter. Every Saturday morning for three hours I helped groom and train dogs to get them ready for adoption. This was a bittersweet experience for me, because it was sad to see the condition of the strays when they were brought to the shelter but of joy once we groomed and finished training them. A volunteer dog trainer taught me how to instruct dog commands and modify their behavior. It was amazing how fast the dogs I groomed and trained became attached to me. The gratitude the dogs showed through their affection was one of the biggest rewards I have had in my life. This experience helped me become a more compassionate and grateful person.</p>
<p>There’s a bit of a disjointed feeling to the essay. It doesn’t flow as smoothly as it should; rather, it feels like each sentence is a separate distinct entity (which shouldn’t happen!). In addition, some sentences seem tacked on, and don’t contribute much. </p>
<p>Also, the ending sentence is one that should be avoided from what I’ve heard. It’s true that with a 150 word limit it’s hard to “show” how you’ve become a more compassionate person etc, but perhaps try rephrasing it? The way it is, it seems a bit too stock phrase-like.</p>
<p>I think there’s a mistake in this part here:
“This was a bittersweet experience for me, because it was sad to see the condition of the strays when they were brought to the shelter but of joy”
Perhaps you changed the way the sentence started but forgot to modify the secondary clause as well? :)</p>
<p>I quite like the essay. To me, you give the impression of being honest and intelligent. Nice one :)</p>