<p>I have a friend who got into some really great schools but decided to stay in state to be near her boyfriend. This had nothing to do with her financial situation. She dropped her first choice college--even though she got in. She seems really happy. They've been together for years. Even so, to me this just seems wrong. What are your thoughts?</p>
<p>On the surface, it’s definitely cringe-worthy. Go over to the parents forum and you see this topic often discussed. But they’re adults and they should live with their decisions and consequences. </p>
<p>Sure we could assemble a pretty convincing list of reasons why this is bad – but then what? Just express your concerns and remain her friend.</p>
<p>It might just work out you know.</p>
<p>But, I’d freak if my daughters would do this, honestly.</p>
<p>Oh, I don’t have a problem with her. She’s already made her choice. I just think it’s an interesting topic of discussion.
In my opinion, she probably made the right choice for her. We’ll see how it all plays out!</p>
<p>OT: figureskater, are you an ice skater or a roller skater? I love figure skating, so I must ask!</p>
<p>Explain the schools a little more. I would consider “following” my boyfriend (though by that I mean allowing him to be a contributing factor) to college, but for me that means Duke or Carolina, both of which have great programs in my areas of interest and which I’m interested for my own, non-bf-related reasons. For others that means giving up Princeton for a sub-par State U.</p>
<p>This is such a Cory and Topanga situation. She did drop Yale for something that seems like a less-awesome version of Swarthmore, so it’s all in context.</p>
<p>Serafina-Yes! But the only thing is that, on TV, that sort of thing almost ALWAYS works out.</p>
<p>^Really, a Boy Meets World reference lol.</p>
<p>I, personally, think basing her decision on where to go to college b/c of her boyfriend when they don’t have a baby together (I’m assuming) is foolish but I might be wrong and they could live happily ever after. hopefully.</p>
<p>My view is that if you can’t pull it off with moderately long distance, the relationship isn’t worth making a college choice about.</p>
<p>It’s another matter if both parties want to continue and one is considering a school thousands of miles away from the other. </p>
<p>My gf is going to college in upstate NY, and one of her options was a very good place in CA. I have a feeling that given that I was choosing between Boston and Chicago, it made CA rather unattractive, and understandably so. </p>
<p>I can’t say how much (if any) impact distance had on my decision between Tufts and UChicago, but even though I anticipate staying with her, if things don’t work out, I will still be quite happy with Tufts.</p>
<p>This seems to happen a lot. A girl in my graduating class decided to attend a low tier public school instead of Columbia University to be with her boyfriend. They broke up before college started. Luckily she was able to transfer after her first semester.</p>
<p>My cousin got accepted to Duke, but turned them down to go to Davidson with his girlfriend. Last I heard he was the top student in the freshman class and was seemingly perfectly happy (I don’t actually know, we’re not extremely close). He was also wait listed at Princeton…probably could have gotten off the list if he had wanted to but he chose not to.</p>
<p>@commentcomment, that’s the risk with these things. At least she transferred in time.</p>
<p>“My view is that if you can’t pull it off with moderately long distance, the relationship isn’t worth making a college choice about.”</p>
<p>I agree. Also, most high school romances don’t last. One’s college education, however does last.</p>
<p>To be near her boyfriend, one of my friends turned down a full ride to graduate school and took out loans to go to an expensive place that was near her boyfriend . By the time grad school had started, she and he had permanently broken up.</p>
<p>Aghhh. Big issue. And I see both sides.
Personally, my boyfriend is my best friend, and he’s helped me through a lot of impossible stuff. However, we both have big college plans, and not necessarily at the same schools.
We’re both looking a lot in the New England area (H,P,Y, MIT, and Brown), so ideally we would either matriculate to the same school, or at least two of these, making it easy to drive for visits on the weekends.
However, if we are not both accepted to schools in this area or we don’t both choose to move north, I think it is painfully obvious to both of us what will happen. We currently live in the deep DEEP south, and it would be nearly impossible to maintain a relationship with someone in the NE area. I can say with certainty that if he were admitted to MIT and I was only admitted to my state school, I wouldn’t WANT him to stay, and I think he’d feel the same were the roles reversed, and at that point, I wouldn’t want to force a relationship when we were both starting such different journeys. </p>
<p>The short story, and the point of the long story, is this: I think it’s a good idea, if you are very attached to someone, to look at universities within a doable driving distance of one another, so long as there are universities in the area that offer what both of you want. (Luckily for us, our dream schools happen to be only an hour and a half apart.) If being without someone is going to make you unhappy, you aren’t going to have a good college experience. However, it is NOT a good plan to give up admissions to your top choice to stay for someone else. This is a breeding ground for resentment, and in my opinion it makes your relationship exponentially more likely to fall apart.</p>
<p>And, <3 Cory and Topanga. =] I won’t judge Topanga for it because she and Cory are just too cute. =P</p>
<p>The difference between staying home and traveling away to college is so HUGE that she has made a grave mistake. Ya i know a girl who got into a UC but stayed home because she thinks she is gonna marry her bf.</p>
<p>I turned down Notre Dame for Indiana University in the 80s because my boyfriend didn’t get in. Two weeks into the school year, we broke up because he was cheating on me. I transferred the next year to a school in CA, but I have used myself as a cautionary tale for others for years.</p>
<p>^Whats better, Notre Dame or Indiana University? I heard that Indiana University was an excellent school. Didn’t the news anchor for NBC (John Chancellor, I believe) attend IU?</p>
<p>I dont understand what is so hard about making this decision? If the couple is truly in love they have nothing to worry about and it will all work out. Everyone keeps asking me what are you gunna do without your girlfriend when you go to college? My answer is simple she is my BEST friend and nothing will ever get in between this simple fact, we have been thinking about going to places close to each other, but in the end we will probably not go to the same college. This doesnt mean a thing because our relationship isnt as complicated as the rest of the worlds relationships seem to be, and WE are loyal to our commitments in anything we do.</p>
<p>It will work out if there is MUTUAL LOYALTY to each other.</p>
<p>This is a difficult topic. Personally, I know my boyfriend chose a certain school over another school all the way across the country so that we would at least be in the same state instead of across the country…but the thing is, the difference between the two universities isn’t that big (in terms of prestige, quality, etc.). Both are great schools for his career path, and both in the top on his list, so it wasn’t like he was turning down a great school to go to a horrible one close to mine.</p>
<p>But…if it’s turning down an Ivy/Stanford/MIT/something huge like that just to go to a state school, I don’t think that’s the greatest choice. However, it is her choice and I can see why she’d choose that–I just don’t agree with it. Really, if it’s true love and the one you’re meant to be with, you’ll make it through the distance. Choosing a college SOLELY based on where your boy/girl is going is a bad idea.</p>
<p>Just food for thought – three real life stories.</p>
<p>Couple A: Bright girl turns down Harvard to stay in-state (Michigan) with boyfriend. Decades later, they’re still together, started, built and sold a robust national business, now living well off the proceeds. Don’t think she’d have gone further any faster by having Harvard – eg. sat on many fortune 500 boards, etc.</p>
<p>Couple B: Promising artist turns down scholarship to prestigious fine arts program because engineer bf wants her nearby (the jealousy would distract him.) I know – doesn’t sound promising. However, this couple is celebrating their 25th anniversary this year, raised a great family, and are doing well. In this case, the woman chose to be stay at home, and now is in a position financially and time-wise to go back to school (which she intends to do.) </p>
<p>Couple C) Girl gets into a film school 3 hrs away from clingy bf, who begs her to attend closer, less prestigious school. She ignores request, chooses best program. BF quits his job and moves to city, invades dorm, etc. Girl dumps BF within 2 months of orientation, realizing he is too insecure and needy (and, as it turns out, unstable). He stalks her. Gets arrested. End of story. For the rest of his life, he blames the “freaks at film school” instead of himself for being a dufas.
Oh well. At least she went to the good school, even if the experience was dampened by stalking ;)</p>
<p>The moral of the story is that where life is going is a bit of a twisty mystery sometimes, with myriad outcomes.</p>