<p>This is something that I've always wondered about. I mean I guess because of society it seems normal for me to offer to pay when treating a girl to go out or something. Some are real resistant to having the guy pay and would prefer to pay for themselves and others resist somewhat but only to easily just take the guy's offer to pay for everything. And in some cases it might be the complete opposite and the girl wants to pay but the guy would either show resistance and not take her offer or resist a bit only to end up accepting her offer to pay. So is it normal to have the guy pay? Should the guy always pay, regardless if he's trying to get with the girl or not?</p>
<p>I've heard that whoever asks the other person out pays, but I would always offer to pay my half. (I'm a girl, btw) If the guy refused and insisted on him paying, that's always cool :-P Or if we went to the movies, I'd try to come up with a paying compromise, like you get the tickets, I'll get the popcorn/drinks/whatever. That's just me though :)</p>
<p>That depends if the girl seems like she really doesn't have the money I'd pay otherwise 50/50 is only fair</p>
<p>If you pay, usually she will never call you again. Save the nice dinner for 3 months into the relationship, not at the beginning.</p>
<p>yeah, my boyfriend and i just sort of do whoever has money at the time pays. it probably works out about 50/50. same thing with my other friends, sometimes four of us are going to the movies and i'll buy the tickets, and then someone else buys the food, and the next time someonme else buys the tickets and someone else buys the food. it all works out even in the end.</p>
<p>I think it's gentlemanly for the guy to pay (or at least offer if the girl did ask him out) on a first date, and to take turns or go dutch on dates after that. (my boyfriend and I take turns paying)</p>
<p>The guy shouldn't always pay, but on the first date, an offer is nice. A guy who always insists on paying (like to be macho) is annoying.</p>
<p>I believe in equality. 50/50 all the way.</p>
<p>i second slorg!</p>
<p>otherwise, whomever did the inviting/picking the place pays... (but that only works if you both end up picking out places to go)</p>
<p>I agree with tortoise. It is definitely going to seem patronizing and probably a little annoying to the girl if you insist on paying every time, but it's definitely a nice gesture on the first date. On a similar note, joev, what are you smoking?</p>
<p>I don't see your reasoning, Xanatos.
Why would either person mind if the girl pays half the time? I don't imagine either person should pay all the time... that gets expensive (and a little bit like drabbing)</p>
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Why would either person mind if the girl pays half the time?
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<p>What are you talking about? I didn't say that. I said I agreed with tortoise, who said that a guy should pay on the first date but that the couple should alternate after that. I made the argument that the girl would find it annoying if the guy insisted on paying every time, because he wouldn't be treating her as an equal. I then challenged joev, who said that if the guy paid on the first date, the girl would never call him back. So, I don't really see why think what you think about what I said.</p>
<p>I like the feedback I'm getting so far. The reason I've asked is because I got lunch with this girl and I ended up paying. She said she would return the favor by taking me to lunch and paying next time. Somehow, perhaps because I listened to the wrong person, I said "no it's ok. i'll pay my half and you pay your half and we can just enjoy lunch together." I insisted on not letting her pay everything. I wasn't trying to be 'macho' or anything of that sort, but it just seemed gentlemanly thing to do. But now that I'm able think about it better, it does get annoying.
I am wrong to not let the girl pay everything for that second lunch?</p>
<p>If she wants to pay for everything, let her. It kind of "evens you out" in her mind so that nobody owes anybody anything. Besides its nice to be treated to lunch :)</p>
<p>Hm... guys around here pretty much insist on paying for the first date. After that, sometimes they pay, sometimes it's split 50/50.<br>
It's very very uncommon for the girl to pay for a whole date.</p>
<p>I am just a single bitter man, ignore any comments I make about dating. Taking advice from me on dating is like taking advice on how to decide who to press charges on from Mike Nifong.</p>
<p>Guys: DO NOT PAY FOR HER.</p>
<p>Sorry, girls, but this old-fashioned concept of chilvary, which most guys actually think is attractive to women, is actually a subconscious turn-off. It makes the guy come off as needy or desperate.</p>
<p>Plus, it creates an imbalance in the relationship. Like this guy is OH SO LUCKY to be going out with a female, that he must pay for her stuff now like she is a goddess and he is a lowly peasant. (exaggeration, I know, but some guys literally think this). Hey fellas, maybe she is just as lucky to be in your company, she is lucky to be with such a fun and intelligent guy.</p>
<p>Plus, there's always the girls that simply USE AND ABUSE guys. She makes the nice guy buy her gifts, take her out to dinner, etc and strings him along with occasional fleeting signs that he has a chance with her. Then she goes back to her real bf. Moral of the story: NEVER SAY "Can I buy you a drink?" Please, don't attempt to buy a girl's affections.</p>
<p>If you're already in a long term relationship, than it's fine to pay for things because you're not trying to buy affection or simply because you've been socially conditioned to. You're giving for the right reason.</p>
<p>Guys, its like: would you pay for your male friends stuff when going somewhere? No? EXACTLY</p>
<p>So 50/50, or each paying his/her own, is the way to go. After all, this is the 21st Century. Now of course occasionally women will go out without money because they know they can get guys to pay for their stuff. This is a bit manipulative if you ask me, use your own judgement.</p>
<p>I would have to disagree. I think that if a guy is going to ask a girl out on a date he should pay for her. I would be very turned off by a guy who didn't at least offer. Call me mean, call me manipulative, call me whatever, but that's just the way it is. At my school the guys all pay when they ask girls on dates, and I think that's how it should be.</p>
<p>Now, if the girl asks the guy on a date then that's a different story. Also, after a couple dates or so it is good for the girl to start pitching in. I just don't understand why some girls are so against the guys paying. I want my relationships to be 50/50 as a whole, but I don't need every little aspect to be 50/50. Sometimes, the guy has to do more than the girl and sometimes the girl has to do more than the guy. I don't see a problem with this.</p>
<p>It's part of the courting ritual, you can't deny that it exists. Its a way for a man to politely make his intentions known. And if the man does it without being showy, it is a gesture that lets a woman know she is in the presence of a gentleman, a man who will respect her, and yes - appeal to the instinctive desire to be taken care of.</p>
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I just don't understand why some girls are so against the guys paying.
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<p>I suspect that for many women it allows them to feel more independent and free of old mores.</p>
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appeal to the instinctive desire to be taken care of.
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<p>I don't know that I've ever seen proof of this existing. Nurture is far more powerful than nature, especially with social mores.</p>
<p>i think on the first date you know if you asked the girl out its pretty normal to pay for whereever you take her or whatever you do, but i mean if enter a relationship then payment becomes more just of like who has money at the time or whos taking who where and what not</p>