Should College Be One Big Party?

Parent Cafe
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<p>The part about my spending too much library is half tongue-in-cheek based on an inside joke from my not spotting as much college town wildlife compared with most college friends.*</p>

<p>I actually had much more free time to indulge in leisure activities such as taking hours-long walks around the college-town with friends/alone, hanging around with college classmates having engrossing conversations about topics ranging from the academic to references in pop culture(i.e. discussions about popular grunge/pop-punk bands of the day and how they were a welcome relief from cheesy hair-metal of the '80s), and yes…even dating than I ever did in high school. Even when overloading on classes till senior year and working part-time jobs. </p>

<p>As for being stuck in my room like your D’s Chinese classmates…that’s amusing. One reason why I never bothered to bring a TV or why family/friends had a harder time reaching me by phone(no cell phones back then) than email was precisely because I’m almost never in my dorm room except to do some light studying/homework or to sleep. Too many fun experiences and people to have to be stuck in a boring dorm room. </p>

<p>Moreover, my parents…especially my father were the exact opposite of your stereotypical helicopter parents like your D’s Chinese classmates’. They had enough faith…and my father felt at 17 it was high time I learned to figure out how to self-regulate myself in college that the thought of them checking up on me to make sure I was studying would be absurd. </p>

<p>As far as they were concerned…if parents have so little faith in their kids to the point of needing to check up on their study habits every weekend…they weren’t ready for college…especially one away from home. </p>

<p>Moreover, the workload wasn’t so difficult or heavy to the point I needed to study 24/7 without free weekends…even during midterms/finals weeks.** </p>

<p>I did my fair share of partying***…though most wouldn’t be considered parties of the kind the father mentioned by the OP had in mind. I don’t tend to enjoy parties which fit the frat/sorority party stereotype where most of the guest drink to get drunk and the prevailing party sport is some kind of drinking contest. While most of the guests find such parties to be fun…it feels extremely silly, childish, and a waste of distilled spirits. </p>

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<li>Only spotted a rabbit skipping across the quad a couple of times while classmates spotted possum, raccoons, and even a few deer.<br></li>
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<p>** Oberlin may require some work…but nowhere to the extremes I’ve seen HS classmates experience at schools like Reed, UChicago, Swarthmore. </p>

<p>*** Think dancing to 60’s - 80’s greatest hits with some light refreshments.</p>

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<p>For my student, I would rank, in order of importance, in my mind–academics (finding your passion and a mentor), social life including extra-curriculars, and self discovery. </p>

<p>What my student actually experienced: social life including extra-curriculars (she’s not a partier, but we joke that she majored in ECs and minored in her subject), self discovery and career preparation (she took some classes, not doing so to get a job after college, but it just worked out that way). </p>

<p>Well, she had a great time in college…</p>

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<p>"I also think D1 was able to get her first job because of her social skills, not necessary of her acceptable GPA. " - oldfort</p>

<p>That’s what I’m talkin’ about!</p>

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<p>What an intriguing question the OP raised. To be honest, I hope that both of my children do get a chance to party during college.</p>

<p>My DS is having the best time of his life. He is in a social and a business fraternity during his freshman year. What I have realized with him is that social environments is what he prefers. He spent all of his life in a variety of different athletic teams. This is the first year he has not been in an organized sport and he misses the team bonding experience so I reluctantly let him join the social fraternity his first semester. Academically he did amazing and was existed to return second semester.</p>

<p>Now he has joined the business fraternity and involved in a lot of social events during this rush timeframe. He is taking another 18 hours and (knock on wood), his grades are ok. </p>

<p>He is busier than I have ever seen him, but he is so happy. I peak on Facebook daily to see what he is up to. He seems to be at least at one party or another every week. The smile on his face is priceless. He is having the time of his life, but realizes there has to be a balance with grades.</p>

<p>My DD is a junior in high school. I don’t think she will be as interested in a party school as my son. She is focused on academics. I will try to make sure that she goes to a college with a strong network so that she is forced to belong to a group and don’t get wrapped up only on her GPA. </p>

<p>I pray that she lets her hair down and enjoys a few parties each month and enjoy being young. When I was in college, the years I enjoyed myself were actually the ones I did better academically. </p>

<p>So to sum it up, I think there should be a balance between socializing and academics. You are only young once! I hope both of my children enjoy themselves in college but keep grades as their focus.</p>

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<p>The OP seemed to be talking about a situation where the neighbor’s parents were happy their student was skating by with a C/C- average (just able to graduate) and didn’t mind blowing $200,000 + for the huge endless Animal House experience. The majority of posters here support a more well rounded experience. Guess the real question is – what GPA would cause you to think your child was not getting their money’s worth of the college experience? For instance, Oldfort says she/he thinks d’s social skills were key but also sites a high GPA expectation… truly not endorsing “skating by academically”.
Just as I have a minimum GPA expectation (guess I would try not to complain about a 3.0) I think there is a range of social skills and honestly the social skills OP’s neighbor aspires to equal “ass hole” in my mind not someone I would want to hire or encourage my kids to become. Moderation is an excellent skill to learn. I often tell my kids this is a good thing to aspire to: Be able to attend the party, HAVE FUN of course, have a drink if you want but be able to leave under your own locomotion and be able to remember what happened the day after.</p>

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<p>Bingo! Important life skill.</p>

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<p>Wait, I think I get it. You don’t like your brash neighbor or his cocky kid.</p>

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<p>Priority was to either get a job right away after college or enter Grad. School. Additional priority was personal growth, but it can go in udesirable direction. Nedd to talk to them, too much brain wash going on at colleges…</p>

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<p>Actually, I do like our neighbor. He is very funny and personable. He is always the life of the party. I have never had any problems with his son. We just don’t see eye-to-eye on the purpose of sending your child to college.</p>

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<p>^You will never know the actual purpose of another person. Telling the stories is one thing that we should take as is…story is a story is a story and the purpose of story is entertainment and social connection, it maybe true and it mabe be not, person is free to say whatever and another is free to believe or just get entertained…</p>

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<p>[University</a> of Georgia Men’s Lacrosse](<a href=“http://laxteams.net/ugalax/roster.html]University”>http://laxteams.net/ugalax/roster.html)</p>

<p>UGA is ranked #22 in Div 1 lax in the latest rating, according to this website. Only one player on the roster is a freshman from the DC suburbs (from Bethesda, MD). Is this your neighbor’s son? His FB page appears to be private now; don’t see any references to his favorite activities. Or do I have his identity wrong?</p>

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<p>^ ^</p>

<p>I am not going to reveal the identity of my neighbor’s son. This is getting way too personal.</p>

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<p>The University of Georgia’s mens’ lacrosse team is not an NCAA Division 1 varsity team(like Duke or UVa,etc. are). It is non varsity and part of the MCLA. <a href=“http://mcla.us/about/[/url]”>http://mcla.us/about/&lt;/a&gt;
CTTC, I don’t think it’s appropriate for the OP to identify the student in question.</p>

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<p>Boysx3 said “I’m not sure why there is always such a bright line being drawn between students who study and students who party.”</p>

<p>I completely agree. I was one of those kids who literally partied every single night at what is consistently a top party school. I barely studied and had the time of my life. I also wish I had done it differently even though my aptitude in my major allowed me to do well in my core classes and have a great career and life. </p>

<p>Having said that, my kids could not be any different. I have one apple that didn’t fall far from the tree (but without any study habits, self control, maturity, or drive), and one that is the me I am today. I’d take the today me any day :slight_smile: but I hope she still finds a way to have fun at a demanding school despite not drinking and being driven to be perfect.</p>

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<p>A few clicks and I think I found his name, which anyone can easily do…</p>

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<p>Ya know, CTTC, the purpose of this thread was NOT to “out” the person referenced by the OP…jeez…</p>

<p>Congratulations for shutting down a productive discussion…</p>

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<p>People with any manners do not care to be spies.</p>

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<p>This has definitely gone way off track. Back to the subject please.</p>

<p>I would like to do an informal survey of parents (as well as students). What are your college priorities? Academics, social life, athletics, career preparation, self-discovery, or other?</p>

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<p>Instead of listing what I think college priorities should be for my kids I will throw this out there- I think it could easily vary depending on the child. You have to factor in their intellect, social skills, chosen major, etc. Some kids should have academics and career prep and their first two priorities. Other kids who are brilliant but socially awkward might be better served with self-discovery and social integration first. </p>

<p>For my kids I would say I would put academics first, followed by career preparation, then self-discovery and having fun.</p>

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<p>I also agree that it depends on the student. My son would rather be programming than anything else, including having a lively social life. He has the academics down, no problem. I just wish he’d go to a party once in awhile! I keep telling him that college is the time to make as many friends as possible and that he’ll spend the rest of his life programming computers.</p>