<p>I would be disappointed as well if my kids took my approach to college also… Party hard for four years (free college, free books, plus ‘food coupons’ redeemable at all kinds of restaurants :)) made attending the College of South Elbonia a breeze… Party till midnight, then oh shucks we have Architectural Design IV project due tomorrow, cram the whole night to finish it… </p>
<p>DD1 parties AFTER she is done with her studio projects :)</p>
<p>So, it’s Academics first, social skills second, and learning from one’s mistakes and experiences third. DD1 and her friends learned a lot from having one of their HS buddies drop out after 1 semester with a 1.1 GPA than they would ever learn by listening to us parents…</p>
<p>Depending on your son’s personality…maybe he has such a passion for programming that it’s more enjoyable than parties…knew dozens of engineering/CS majors among classmates/colleagues who are exactly like that…though my colleagues would hold occasional group programming/IT tech parties which span the whole day…complete with crappy techno/dance-pop music and decent free food and drinks. Granted…that may not fit the mainstream undergrad’s/parents’ idea of a party…</p>
<p>Another factor is the types of parties available on his campus. If they’re like the ones I’ve observed in the Boston area which fit the stereotypical frat/sorority party where most of the guests drink to the point of keeling over face first from drunkenness…he may enjoy them as much as I did…not very much with the exception of the free food/drinks and plenty of eyerolls. </p>
<p>On the other hand…he may find he actually enjoys parties which play other types of party music from classical/jazz to 50’s-60’s, funk, hip-hop/R & B, or good 80’s. Or maybe he’s more into moshing to good 70’s punk/'80s hardcore/'90’s pop-punk-alternative rock music.</p>
<p>Agree it depends on the kid. As it stands today, I 'd love DS who is a HS junior to have a college life that SOCIALIZES much more than he does now. He has friends, but his social hour is usually working on a group school project, or jazz band practice. He has no skills for making small talk or the almighty water cooler schmoozing. I don’t want him living in Animal House, but he certainly needs to learn networking and how to recharge with down time. My younger son - he was born with social skills. I don’t expect my list for him would start with social time.</p>
<p>My college social life was the BEST years of my life. Academics were challenging. Few skipped class. Weekend parties were great. Plenty of parties in high school, but those friends were just sloppy drunks. College friends were drunk philosophers. </p>
<p>Career prep is way down on my list. Yes, I want my kids to be employable, but having watched the tech age develop, I’m sure there are plenty of career paths that I can imagine that will open up for my kids. I’d rather see them confident and unafraid to change paths as the “cheese” is moved.</p>
<p>Cobrat - my son’s school culture is pretty much nose to the grindstone, but still, you just know that there are plenty of kids enjoying their Saturday nights. He doesn’t drink or get high (as a former 20 year old, I cannot relate) and would rather not be around people who do. So on Saturday night he watches a movie on his laptop with his girlfriend. No moshing to punk music happening there. But you are right - he lives and breathes programming and that’s when he is the most happy. I just have to get over it.</p>
<p>mom483, It sounds positive that at least your son has a girlfriend and has not totally isolated himself. Maybe she’ll get him out to a party or two (unless she is exactly the same way).</p>
<p>umdclassof 80, I agree with TV4caster. My priorities for my kids are different given who they are. Moreover, not all priorities have to be handled in the same year.</p>
<p>ShawSon is goal-oriented and driven. His priority (and ours) for freshman year was ensuring that he knew how to do well in college. While he is truly gifted, he has significant learning disabilities and had medical issues and so at each stage (and in each year), there is more uncertainty about how he will do than for many kids. The good news: he figured out how to perform well academically. He asked me after freshman year, “Shawbridge, I know what grades were for in high school. What are they for in college? I can get an A- in every course but there is a quantum of work needed to get an A or A+ and I want to know what I’m trying to accomplish.” With this kid, academics are always a priority (because they are a proxy for success and because his self-narrative is about overcoming adversity). So, we wanted to make sure he had a social life. His second year, he loosened up a bit, went to a few parties, played intramural sports (I suggested he play intramural basketball because he’s tall), made good friends, and found a girlfriend. The tradeoff, a few A-s. This year, he’s continuing all the activities but with all As thus far (despite taking significantly harder courses). He’s made opportunities for himself with his academic record that he wouldn’t have had without it and the next stage is figuring out what kind of life he wants to lead. </p>
<p>His sister has social skills out the wazoo. She can get the shyest boy, who never speaks, to talk. For her, self-discovery came first semester freshman year when she said, “I’m not that academic and I don’t want to spend four years in lab learning biology and biochemistry only to sentence myself to a job working in a lab. I want to work with people.” So, she transferred to nursing after her first semester freshman year. She’s now in her second semester and already happier and less anxious (she’s not competing with pre-meds for grades for the most part). For her, our priorities are academic (do well enough to get admitted to the advanced practice nursing masters) and to do so without being that anxious. She’ll take care of social life.</p>
<p>In neither case would I have made career prep a key priority, though I encouraged my son to take a math/stats course every semester to keep career options open. This was not a big stretch as they provided tools for the subjects in which he’s most interested. My daughter clearly was thinking about her career and life without any encouragement from us.</p>
<p>One major reason why I don’t enjoy the stereotypical frat/sorority parties beyond free food/drinks nor “experimenting” with drugs is precisely because of formative experiences from my old NYC neighborhood in the 1980’s. </p>
<p>Growing up with homeless drunks/drug addicts and crack vials/needles being a fixture in parts of one’s neighborhood, having to attend an elementary school classmate’s funeral because he was caught in a crossfire between two rival drug gangs on his way home from junior high, and seeing dozens of older elementary/junior high classmates dropout/end up in prison because they turned to drugs/drink really takes the allure out of getting drunk or high fast.</p>
<p>mom483 – My D seems to be a lot like your S. As a comp sci major, she loves programming. Her college friends are very serious students. A typical weekend may include hanging out with a group of friends, watching movies or TV shows, going to a concert, or studying. She must maintain at least a 3.5 GPA for her merit scholarship. She got off to a good start with a 4.0 her first semester.</p>
<p>I spent too much time partying in college. Back in the 70’s, the legal drinking age was 18. It seemed like beer was everywhere on campus. The beer truck would pull up in front of the dorm and we could get it for 35 cents a cup. Now, I think that students are drinking a lot more hard liquor instead of beer. If I had it to do over again, I would have partied less and studied more. I don’t want to see my D get caught up in the whole party scene. She seems to have a good head on her shoulders and is much more mature than I was at her age.</p>
<p>umdclass- I also went to college when the drinking age was 18 - in Milwaukee, nonetheless, where there is a brewery on every corner. College-sponsored beer parties every weekend. The amount of partying our generation did compared to the average student these days is staggering. But I don’t really regret it, since my grades were fine. I ended up not working in the field of my studies, so the academics weren’t that important in the end. But I have lifelong friends from college and nonstop good memories that have carried me into middle age. I think it was worth it.</p>
<p>Here is my cautionary tale. The drinking was definitely a mistake that I look back on now with regret. Unfortunately, both of my boyfriends during college were heavy drinkers. I was physically assaulted by both of them when they were under the influence of alcohol. My relationship with one was very tumultuous and frighteningly similar to George Huguely and Yeardley Love at UVA. I could have wound up dead just like her. One boyfriend killed a young boy while driving drunk and was sent to prison. The other was convicted of assaulting his ex-wife and is now in prison. Both of these boyfriends were from upper middle class professional families. So, you never really know what can happen when you drink or party too much in college. You could be a victim of assault or the perpetrator of an assault. So, NO, I don’t think that college should be one big party.</p>
<p>I certainly want our kids to take college seriously but not so seriously that they feel they can’t have some fun, attend some parties, etc. I would prefer they didn’t get into drugs and only drank responsibly though :D. Our oldest made it through without drinking much if at all. He doesn’t care for the taste but he was fine going to parties, etc.</p>
<p>It depends on your kids. Mine are totally different and their individual paths and experiences could not be further from each other. Daughter graduated public university with BS in Nursing and is employed and just got into grad school. She loved her college years, and her experience both socially and academically. My son attended expensive prep school, is a sophmore in a private college, is a super kid, hard worker, and pays for his spending money and books via summer jobs…but…does the minimum to pass classes, parties like a fool, loves life, spends his money like water, and seems extremely happy with himself and his actions. I keep asking him when he is going to get serious and grow-up. His reply to us…What’s the big deal I am getting passsing grades, secured a paid summer internship, am not in jail, on drugs, an alcaholic, and respect and like everyone.</p>
<p>My wife sat back and looked at each other with our mouths wide open, What the hell do you say to that !! So frustrating…</p>