Should daughter pick LAC over Ivy?

Parents Forum
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<p>Last week, D was thrilled to be admitted at all 3 of her top schools, MHC, Wellesley, and Smith (in no particular order;-)).
Yesterday, she learned that her reach school, Brown, which she had added to the list as an afterthought, had also accepted her.</p>

<p>D is extremely hard-working, meticulous, and tends to stress when too many obligations pile up. She has several good friends, but she is also somewhat shy in larger groups. From the second grade on, she has wanted to be a teacher, preferably in elementary or middle-school. All children, big and small, love her:-). When she started looking for a college, her main criteria were "education department", "foreign languages", "small", "semi-rural" and "friendly". She was not looking for a women's college, but the 3 aforementioned schools popped up at the very top. For what itÂ’s worth, after the initial questions, the "all women" feature does not seem to be a major decision factor for her.</p>

<p>I am kicking myself for letting her apply at Brown but, with a 10-12% admit rate, it was mostly a way to ensure that she would not regret <em>not applying</em> later.
Of course, everybody is congratulating her and assuming that she will be moving to Providence next fall.
People who know her well, her parents, her sister, a couple of trusted teachers, are not so sure. We are really concerned that she would not be happy at Brown, overly stressed by more worldly students, and way out of her comfort zone.</p>

<p>I am looking for stories of people who picked a smaller college over an Ivy for similar “social” reasons. (While financial aid will be a factor, we are fortunate that we can at least <em>consider</em> trying to let her go to Brown if she convinces us that it is her heart’s desire). We have not discussed it very much, but last night, beside being happy and proud, she was clearly unsettled, so it's not just me the worried mom;-(</p>

<p>AnybodyÂ’s child picked the smaller college and regretted it? Or picked the Ivy and dropped out or transferred after a year or two?</p>

<p>I have been lurking for months and did not have much to contribute. However, many people on this forum have impressed me with their advice and common sense :-). Thank you all for any input!</p>

2

<p>Can she re-visit Brown and see what kind of vibe she gets? It would definitely take her out of her comfort zone somewhat, but with the open curriculum and great academics, she might really thrive. I don’t think of the student body as excessively worldly and I know the students at Brown are generally very happy with the school.</p>

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<p>I suggest that you support your D as she makes her decision, whatever it is. Yes, I do know people who have chosen LACs over Ivies, and have been happy with what they did.</p>

<p>Either way, one can get an excellent education, have a good college experience and nice post college options.</p>

<p>I don’t think that Brown students are any more worldly than are students at the LACs your D was accepted to. I think of Brown students as being friendly, laid back and down to earth, particularly when compared to students at places like HPYS. It has many of the advantages that LACs have.</p>

4

<p>I think the question for anyone is finding the best school for an individual student. Sure, the Ivies have prestige but if your child is miserable, how much is that prestige worth?</p>

5

<p>Here’s a couple stories, not what you were looking for.
D1 would not apply to non-LACs, save one. She attended LAC. Intended social coziness wound up not working out for her all that well; fit with predominant campus culture was imperfect, and somewhat bothersome for her. After inital group broke up, found herself really somewhat isolated. Found limitations in course selection. Some issues with geographical isolation, eventually, till she got a car. If had it to do over, would have attended a larger school.</p>

<p>D2 attended single-sex LAC, did not like aspects of situation, social and otherwise,also issues of imperfect fit with predominant LAC culture, as it turned out. Transferred to much larger, coed college and is liking it much more.</p>

<p>Point being: in these two cases, perceived “social reasons” did not actually pan out the way they had expected it to. And actually in the last case it was the larger school that turned out to be superior from a social perspective, which was not what she had expected when she applied to colleges out of high school.</p>

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<p>“D is extremely hard-working, meticulous, and tends to stress when too many obligations pile up. She has several good friends, but she is also somewhat shy in larger groups.”</p>

<p>Shyness also is something that can be overcome, particularly as people stretch themselves. Saying this as someone who was really shy, and did go to an Ivy, live in big cities, etc., and now people can’t believe I ever was shy. </p>

<p>I also would bet that there are shy students at Brown as well as at the other colleges your D was accepted to, and all would offer her opportunities to grow.</p>

7

<p>My daughter picked Swarthmore over Stanford 5 years ago. She wanted academic rigor, small interactive classes, close relationship with professors, etc.
It was the right choice for her.</p>

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<p>Of the schools you list, I think that Wellesley is actually likely to have students who are the most high pressure and worldly. Brown students tend to be comparatively laid back in many ways. </p>

<p>There is also an issue with the ambition to be an elementary school teacher being actively looked down upon at women’s colleges–largely a reaction to the days when that was one of the few careers open to women. This was definitely the case 30 years ago, but may well have changed since I was there in the 1970s, since the career scene for women has changed much also, and the experience of modern feminism has matured. But I would explore that a little bit, if she hasn’t already.</p>

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<p>It’s interesting to me that people would assume she’s going to Brown given her options. I consider Wellesley and Smith to be top schools worth every consideration. She has some time to mull it over. Can she visit?</p>

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<p>Also, Brown is the only co-ed school on her list. If she’s shy, it may give her the best chance of becoming more comfortable around males.</p>

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<p>Your D sounds a lot like that of a friend of mine. Quiet, just a few close friends, meticulous almost to the point of obsessive about some things. Her tendency to “stress when too many obligations pile up” caused her parents (and probably her) to worry about how she would handle things when she was on her own at college. After she decided on Smith they discussed their concerns with the freshman dean. The dean has kept in touch with the daughter, who is doing very well. Brilliant grades, new friends (she has found her people), playing a team sport for the first time. I see the nurturing environment at Smith as key to her success there. I have one son at an ivy and I have a hard time imagining her flourishing there.</p>

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<p>All Ivies aren’t alike. Brown is much more laid back and friendly than is, for example, Harvard.</p>

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<p>I agree that Brown is less stressful then some other top schools. It also allows to take any and all classes pass/fail - not always the best choice to make, but sure helps reducing stress…</p>

<p>LACs tend to have more built-in support and personal attention. Smith is especially known for supportive environment. You can often find the same level of support at a larger U, but you have to go out and look for it.</p>

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<p>My nephew chose Williams over Princeton. Had a great experience and no regrets. I think your daughter should go where she thinks she would fit best.</p>

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<p>Our kids also need to think about schools that will enable them to grow for all four years. There were several fine places where S1 (as a HS senior) thought he’d be happy. And, I believe he would have been quite content at those places, for a while. Now that he’s off at school, he is seeing how much he can/needs to grow academically, emotionally, etc. and is thankful he chose a school that lets him develop those things. </p>

<p>He is also someone who didn’t choose the “obvious” school based on his acceptances. Friends, neighbors and family WILL get over it. It’s become clear over the past year that he made an excellent decision.</p>

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<p>If she likes the LACs, have her go there. Her selections are all incredibly prestigious.</p>

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<p>I think since she was initially drawn to women’s colleges, that probably is what she is going to feel most comfortable at.</p>

18

<p>“. She was not looking for a women’s college, but the 3 aforementioned schools popped up at the very top. For what it’s worth, after the initial questions, the “all women” feature does not seem to be a major decision factor for her.”</p>

<p>I think you should allow her to make up her own mind. From what you’ve posted, any of the colleges that accepted her could be a good fit for her. I’ve met Brown students similar to her, and Smith, Holyoke alum who were very different than her when they were in high school.</p>

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<p>I’ve known people who regretted going to the small school, and others who regretted going to the bigger one. I suggest you send your daughter off to all the admitted students activities and let her figure it out for herself. They are all great schools - she can’t go wrong.</p>

<p>I’d choose Brown because I like the open curriculum and living in cities, but that’s just me.</p>

20

<p>I’ve known a handful of people who have had to make this choice (specific to Brown and these women’s colleges), and all have been happy with their decision. Some chose the LAC, some chose Brown. All are happy. :slight_smile: It all comes down with what makes your daughter happiest. If they aren’t all at the same time, she should try to go to all of the accepted students weekend.</p>