My daughter is a rising senior in HS and she is doing a summer pre-college program at UCLA. Today she said jokingly that she is scared because her roommate has a felony for attempting to stab someone. Then she instantly begged me not to say anything to administration and that it is fine. But I am feeling very uneasy knowing she is sleeping next to someone who once tried to stab another human being. What should I do? I am especially going crazy right now cause she is not replying to my calls or texts… Help! Never been in this situation before.
How does she know?
The roommate told her
Probably fine. She’s only stabbed the one, and she comes into contact with people nearly every day. That rate seems pretty low. 
Seriously, if her instincts tell her it’ll be OK then you should trust them too. Just tell her to be very open with her RA any time she feels any concern about this. While it can be a favor to her roomie to let this lie, that only goes so far. The moment the situation gives a hint of concern to anyone, especially your DD, then it becomes a concern for the world and she should talk to the right people.
You call campus security who go and check on her.
My BS radar is going off a bit, but in the event this post is legit, I would be very skeptical of this story. A person who has a felony charge for attempted murder or manslaughter? Participating in a pre college program at UCLA? If it’s indeed true, sorry, I’d be calling the people who run the program, right now, and ask them if they knowingly roomed your child with a person convicted of felonious assault? Tough if your kid doesn’t like it.
Lindagaf, it is not BS, I am seriously concerned, especially not knowing the circumstances around that charge. This girl is not 18 yet so I don’t know if this would show up in the background check. My daughter told a counselor and the counselor basically blew her off, saying that she should contact them again if she feels unsafe and that last session they had someone right out of the juvie, and everything was fine! My daughter also does not want her to get in trouble or be kicked out because she actually thinks her roommate is sweet and funny.
My son had a close friend who had a felony due to the same issue. A person would never had known, or guessed this individual had this happen. In that situation, it was a out of control evening, loss of temper, over the top teenage stupid moment. As this roommate is talking about it, my guess is it is a similar circumstance. That it was situational and circumstantial (and the person was caught and charges filed). I have knowledge of kids with drug charges that were also situational, circumstantial - or DUI charges. Yes, can be reflective of character, or mistakes made while developing. Your daughter’s gut may be able to determine if the person is deeply dangerous or made a mistake.
@flowersandstars “My daughter also does not want her to get in trouble or be kicked out because she actually thinks her roommate is sweet and funny.”
This is I think key. If this is the vibe she feels, and the RA is not getting anything weird either, then let it be a freshman story until something changes. Honestly some kids just say things seem unique, or it could have been a misunderstanding, or it happened and she could have stopped drinking after that night, whatever, a dozen ways this could have been something else. But you’re the one with the bad feelings and you aren’t there. It’s unlikely to go very badly with no warning, so take solace in the fact that people are aware of this slice of her background, making it more likely they’ll act quickly in the event that things start to drift in a bad direction. Again, tell your DD to keep her eyes and ears open, but let this woman move ahead with her life and judge her on who she is today.
Maybe the girl was just saying stuff just to establish boundaries.
What kind of music does she listen to? Many kids get into this thug life mantra and say the darnest things. When I was growing up, if I believed all my under-19 friends, almost everyone would be in jail on drug, assault and rape felonies.
Even if the roommate is joking, my response would be to contact the head of the program via email (so there’s a record of it) and let them know. You are the adult in this situation. If something were to happen to your DD and you had not reached out to the head of the program about this issue, could you ever forgive yourself?
If this is a real post, there’s no way the program would kick your child out because you called to inquire about the situation.
I’d like to hear more of the backstory @flowersandstars. I’m quite sure it’s interesting…
Thank you all for weighing in. I honestly don’t know the context for this, my daughter said they were playing a sort of a truth or dare game and the roommate just mentioned that. The only thing my DD knows about her is that she is from some rough neighborhood, and may have gone through a tough period as a teenager. I know this is very vague. But this is a real situation, why would anyone make this up? In any case, last night my daughter ended up sleeping in another room (these room have 3 beds each and most of them have an empty 3rd bed). I decided this - either she continues to go to another room and sleep with her other friends, or I am emailing the program director ASAP.
I agree with your decision to email the program director. I’d be really upset if my daughter had a roommate with that kind of history. The risk is simply not worth it.
I would email the program director. If it is true, you have a right to be concerned. If it is not true, the director should still be aware that such claims were made. Let the director know that you would prefer discretion, and that you are not asking for confirmation, since doing so would be a FERPA violation, but that you are concerned for your daughter’s wellbeing. The director can look into the details, whether this applicant divulged such information on the program’s application, or whether failure to disclose was permitted (because it was expunged, or sealed, or for whatever reason).
Your daughter doesn’t want you to do anything that would reflect back on her, but if she said something, it indicates at least some concern on her part. You might also suggest that she speak with her RA, because even if other beds are available, not being comfortable sleeping in her own assigned room is a problem. She is entitled to that space as much as her roommate, and the roommate has to be aware that such a disclosure is bound to make some people uncomfortable.
Whether true or not, your daughter needs to switch rooms & get a new roommate.
My question would be: Why wouldn’t you contact the program director and get her room assignment changed?
I would have a real hard time if anything happened to my daughter in this situation.
I agree that this girl could just be “saying things” either for a reaction or as a joke. But that doesn’t mean it’s ok. First, shame on UCLA for not being more careful who they take into these programs. These summer programs are about the schools making money.
You would never forgive yourself if anything ever happened to your daughter and too bad for her if she doesn’t like your smart parental decisions which would be for her safety. I agree with the posters who say you should call the head of the program and ask if they knowingly placed your daughter with a felon. Even if it is untrue, her conduct warrants her dismissal from the program. Good luck. Let us know what happens.
Also was this arrested or convicted for a felony?
All that the parents need to convey to UCLA administrators is that you & your daughter are concerned for her safety based on inappropriate comments made by her roommate.
Of course, they will ask for more details, but share those over the phone–not in writing. You can write/email that you & your daughter are concerned for her safety & want a new room with a different roommate. Share details over the phone.
First, shame on UCLA for not being more careful who they take into these programs.
What, are programs and universities supposed to wholesale reject people with criminal histories, regardless of the circumstances?
Who knows what the story was around this charge, particularly if the girl is (as described) from a tough neighborhood and had some tough teenage years? We know that kids from lower-income neighborhoods are policed more stringently and get in trouble for things that students from more affluent suburban neighborhoods don’t get in trouble for. She could’ve been defending herself in a fight or from an unprovoked attack; she could’ve had a butter knife or a plastic utensil at school and gotten charged for it. Or she could’ve indeed done it several years ago and been rehabilitated.
I agree with the counselor. Simply knowing that someone has a criminal past doesn’t make them dangerous; does your daughter feel unsafe?