So my question is, my current girlfriend and I already have been talking about continuing into college but I wanna know if people with experience that had done this, do you regret it? I do wanna break it up with her but she doesn’t and wants to try to make it work. She is a year ahead and has already been through her first year when I am just going into college. Also we have sort of a LD she lives an hour away and when we go to back to school it’ll be almost 3 hours. I guess i could try but I feel like I am just gonna want to meet more girls and have fun with out a serious relationship.What do you guys think I should do?
You already know the answer. Give yourself the full college experience. Part of this is making new friends, dating some of those and not being accountable to someone back home (or away at college) There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. You won’t ever get those college years back. Live life to the fullest, in an honest manner. Let her know your feelings now, before it causes more pain later. I wish you the best.
You seem to have answered your own question - you don’t want to start college with a serious relationship. There is no sense staying in a relationship you don’t want at this point in your life since a relationship is based on two people wanting to be together not just one person. It needs to be mutual in a real way not a faked mutual relationship.
If you are interested in meeting new girls, it means that you are interested in ending the relationship. There is nothing wrong with this, whatever the reason for this is. At this point, staying in the relationship would be wrong for both of you.
It is not fair for either of you. You should not stay in a relationship out of a feeling of obligation, and she should find a relationship with somebody who wants to be with her.
She is wrong. “Making it work” is what you do when both parties are interested in staying together, but there are external or internal issues that make this difficult. If one of the parties is not interested in the relationship, there is nothing that can work. You can make a car work if there is something wrong with the engine, but not if the engine has been removed.
Do your very best to end it well - be polite, respectful, and kind. However, end it.
One thought is that she made it work as much as possible when she went to college…why can’t you do the same thing? Why didn’t you break up with her before she went to college? If you break up with her now, she wasted a year on you.
on the other hand…
This is what usually happens with HS Boyfriends/Girlfriends:
You swear YOU TWO ARE DIFFERENT! You can make it work!
At first you facetime every day!
But then you realize that is annoying to your roommate/you have no privacy so you try to find times to facetime when your roommate isn’t there.
But you have classes and he has classes and you joined that club and he is on the intramural soccer team so maybe we can talk on Tuesdays.
He has that co-ed group of friends he goes out on weekends with and you have your group from the dorm.
Oh, here comes Fall break…but his is at a different weekend than yours so you can’t get together…
There is that one person in the group that you/he kind of likes…but you have girl/boyfriend!
Why isn’t he talking to you as often? or Why are you looking at excuses not to talk to him?
So you look forward to thanksgiving…but by then you are kind of really into that other guy/he is really into that other girl and you kind of get together over break and ooohhhhh noooo you have a fight about not talking as much anymore and you break up.
It’s called the Turkey Drop.
Tell her you are both young and you aren’t ready for a life commitment. That you would like to end this as friends, without hard feelings. There is nothing to work out. And don’t be guilted into pretending to be in a relationship when you have effectively left already.
Wait i forgot to mention we only have been dating for about 5 months now. No full year but yes I will just have to end it. I made the mistake of my mom talking me into giving it a try oops, my mistake. I will have to take the fall on this one and explain to her it.
At your age if you are having to “try”, it’s time to end it. If it’s meant to be the two of you will reconnect down the road. When you are 18 relationships should be easy. This one is too complicated and you need to meet new people and have fun without the constraints of a long distance relationship.
Making a long distance relationship work means two people who want to date each other figuring out things like who’s doing the traveling and when. It’s no longer a real relationship if both parties don’t want to be in it, so there’s nothing to work on.
If you don’t want to date her the kindest thing you can do is to (nicely) break up with her. Don’t mention the freedom you’ll have at college or the opportunity to date others.
And do NOT tell her you only dated her because your mom talked you into it.
Just tell her honestly that you’ve had a great time together but you don’t want to date her anymore. You don’t need to explain why, and it’s really better not to try even if you’re asked. The only reasonable answer is because you don’t want to.
It’s time to make some of your own decisions. To be brutally honest, who cares what your mom thinks about it? The only thing that matters less is what we think. Think it through - you’ll make the right decision for you!
Glad you made the decision now. D’s friend is heartbroken after spending her entire college career in a LD relationship (they started dating in HS and like you, he was a year behind her) with a guy who broke up with her about a month before graduation. It was kinder of you to split up now than to string her along.
If you wanna believe its impossible it will be. People like to make excuses and say oh LDR is too hard, you can’t make it through college. Those are just excuses to end it. If you genuinely want to make it happen it will happen but don’t do it if you don’t actually want it. Go into it fully invested and it will work.
