Hey everyone, in my AP lang class we’ve stated writing common app essays. This is what I have so far for the 1st common app question:
Three green little turtles trailed behind their mother. On the (slightly-garish) pink-striped wallpaper of my mother’s room was this mural. Maybe it was fate, or maybe it was simply a coincidence, but this was the image my mother slept under in the first few months of her pregnancy—before she found out. Under the florescent lights of Inova Fairfax Hospital, my mother found out that she was having identical triplets. From the moment I was born, being an identical triplet has not only affected the physical aspects of my life, but the metaphysical aspects of my life that are almost impossible to describe in a mere 650 words. When you’re born into the world with something unchangeable, something that you will carry upon your shoulders for your entire life, it can be hard to comprehend how exactly this “thing” has changed you. But for me, being an identical triplet has catalyzed the emergence of my own identity, of my own self. In a world where seven billion people coexist as a seemingly homogenous mass, the emergence of a personal identity is absolutely crucial. Through my seventeen years of fighting against the backdrop of my sisters, against the backdrop of constant comparison and juxtaposition, I have begun to realize the importance of individuality in the context of the entire world, and not simply in the context of my sisters
Keep in mind this is UNEDITED, I just wanted to hear your thoughts on the subject. I’m going to be applying to Dickinson with early decision, and if I don’t get in there I’m also applying to Gettysburg, U of Richmond, and maybe Franklin and Marshall. I plan to study Spanish and International Studies, and I want to be a Spanish teacher
Please let me know what you think of this idea. Also, please take a look at these other ideas:
- The documentary "A Life in a Day" impacted me alot, seeing how so many people live such different lives yet we're all so similar and have similar struggles.
- My spanish teacher and my spanish class this year really impacted and influenced me alot. I was thinking about writing about how one person could completely change the course of your future (she made me realize how passionate I am about Spanish and how I want to be a teacher like her, helping students of my own one day) and how, from this, I could potentially change the futures of so many others.
Let me know what you think of these too! Thanks!
quick edit and erase the text. never post essay online. See the warnings and tops at the top of the forum.
I would advise taking this down, but I think it’s too late at this point. But I doubt it will matter because being a triplet is hard to fake lol.
Adverbs ending in -ly, when combined with other words, are not hyphenated (“slightly garish”).
“the physical aspects of my life, but the metaphysical aspects of my life”
This is repetitive.
“that are almost impossible to describe in a mere 650 words”
Are you telling us at the outset that this isn’t going to be a good essay??
“with something unchangeable”
Like…literally everything else people are born with? Race? Looks? Disabilities? Personality traits? I’m not following why this is so dramatic.
“as a seemingly homogenous mass”
…What? Are you saying everyone on Earth is exactly the same? And yet your identity is somehow super different…? Much of this is so descriptive that it sounds extremely melodramatic. Maybe it’s just that it’s not finished yet, but I don’t understand why being a triplet is so traumatic that it deserves being called a burden that you will carry for your entire life.
Three green little turtles trailed behind their mother. On the (slightly-garish) pink-striped wallpaper of my mother’s room was this mural. Maybe it was fate, or maybe it was simply a coincidence, but this was the image my mother slept under in the first few months of her pregnancy—before she found out. Under the florescent lights of Inova Fairfax Hospital, my mother found out that she was having identical triplets.
^ I like this part. Everything else is 1. really dramatic-sounding, and 2. it basically gives away what you’re trying to write about in your essay! These essays don’t need introductory paragraphs; show readers how you developed your own identity. Don’t tell. Biggest rule of college essay writing I can think of.
This could be a good topic if done correctly. Keep in mind, though, adcoms may receive many similar essays, particularly from twins (I’ve read a good few myself, and I could already see your essay going down the same, “I had to learn to develop my own identity because we were so similar / I always felt that I had to live up to my sibling)” plot line.
As for your other ideas, the documentary idea could be interesting. But you don’t want to turn your essay into a movie review; you have to say something about yourself. What was your perspective about other cultures before and after watching it? And most importantly, what did you do with this new information? And I like the Spanish teacher idea, but again, you have to keep this essay focused on you. What resonated with you about being in that class, and how did you fuel your interest in Spanish language / culture / international affairs?
Out of the three, I think that you could incorporate your other two topics into the triplet one, about how you developed an identity.
@thebossofbosses , not to sure why you would say that, I’m pretty darn sure that I’m an identical triplet (I’ve also mentioned this is previous posts…). And thanks for letting my know @BrownParent , but I think it’s too late?? What could happen now??? And @bodangles , It’s hard to explain to other people that aren’t identical twins/triplets, but to go your entire life, constantly being “poked and prodded” in a sense can be quite the burden. When your own family comes from out of town to visit and lines you up next to your sisters and plays the “oooh, let’s spot the difference!” game instead of asking how you’ve been, or when the people you’re closest with constantly call you by the wrong name, or when, in fourth grade, you come home crying one day because someone’s called you a clone, I assure you that it can be a burden…
Post #2 meant that this essay wouldn’t be easy to steal, because it would be hard for SOMEONE ELSE to fake being a triplet in order to use it.
And I will admit that I definitely don’t know what being a triplet is like! However, it’s likely that whoever judges your essay won’t know either. So you really have to show us the ways (good/bad/ugly/etc.) in which it has affected you, without coming off as a whiner. Sounds like quite the challenge, but what you have posted so far is really not bad at all (I also liked the opening lines) so I think you’ll be able to pull it off. Hopefully you will be able to get feedback from different people about whether the next draft sounds as dramatic as this one. If it doesn’t, mission mostly accomplished!
Oh ok, I thought he/she meant that I was faking! Haha, sorry! I might not continue with this topic though, but we’ll see!
@ilanag3
When I said it’s hard to fake if your a triplet, I meant its ok that you posted your essay because very few people if any could actually take your essay and use it. Sorry if I sent a different message.
No it’s totally fine! I just misread it!