I’m currently pledging to a fraternity on campus. It’s a pretty small frat, the pledging process isn’t bad (can’t go into much detail, but it really isnt bad compared to most) and I like the bros and my pledge class.
My problem is that personality-wise, I can’t see myself being part of a “brotherhood”. I don’t think that kind of mentality really fits well with me. I’m much more of an indepenedent person, and a “brotherhood” doesn’t really fit my needs socially. I never considered joining another frat, but made an exception for this one because a couple of my friends are joining.
Should I de-pledge? The process isn’t bad but takes up a lot of time…especially for something I’m not really into. I’m also worried that a lot of our social circles will overlap (between me and the bros) because of clubs or certain sports, and if I depledge it might be awkward seeing them again.
Thanks for taking the time to read my story and I appreciate any advice you guys have. Also, if this is the wrong place to have this kind of discussion, let me know (and please point me in the right direction!). I’m only asking here so I can get advice from fellow Cornellians who may have been in a similar situation, or know of people who have, etc.
Both of my daughters joined a sorority. The older one was a lot more involved, the younger needed her space more. They were in the same sorority, but their involvement was different.
It sounds like you joined a fraternity where your friends joined. You would have been friends with those guys with or without the fraternity. “Brotherhood” is just caring for your fellow housemates and friends. During the pledge period, it can be a bit intense because they are trying to get the new guys to bond with each other. It will ease up after this spring. You will have a lot of time for your own ECs and go to parties you want to go to, but at the same time, always have friends to hang out with.
I would suggest for you to give it a chance. You can depledge whenever you want. Your relationship with your friends would be strained if you should depledge, but that’s not the reason to stay if you are not enjoying it.
Does your pledge program set you up with a big brother or is there an active brother in the house that you can confidentially talk with? From my own (now ancient) experience in a fraternity there are members who a rah-rah active brothers and members who are less so in every house. There are many things less active brothers can positively contribute and one of those things is one on one interaction with other individual fraternity brothers. The pledging process is not set up to emphasize those types contributions. A good fraternity should have room for a range of actives.
You will need to chose who you speak with carefully, but my suggestion is to find someone to discuss your concerns with. In the end if your conversation does not help allay your concerns or causes you problems in the pledge process, the fraternity was probably not the right place for you anyway. I never particularly liked the whole calling each other “brother.” It always felt forced to me. Despite this, overall I was very happy with my fraternity experience. I remain goodf friends with several fraternity brothers.
Also, if this is the wrong place to have this kind of discussion, let me know (and please point me in the right direction!). I’m only asking here so I can get advice from fellow Cornellians who may have been in a similar situation, or know of people who have, etc.