I’m currently pledging to an Asian-interest fraternity on campus. It’s a pretty small frat, the pledging process isn’t bad (can’t go into much detail, but it really isnt bad compared to most) and I like the bros and my pledge class.
My problem is that personality-wise, I can’t see myself being part of a “brotherhood”. I don’t think that kind of mentality really fits well with me. I’m much more of an indepenedent person, and a “brotherhood” doesn’t really fit my needs socially. I never considered joining another frat, but made an exception for this one because a couple of my friends are joining.
Should I de-pledge? The process isn’t bad but takes up a lot of time…especially for something I’m not really into. I’m also worried that a lot of our social circles will overlap (between me and the bros) because of clubs or certain sports, and if I depledge it might be awkward seeing them again.
Thanks for taking the time to read my story and I appreciate any advice you guys have
Do you want to spend your college years in a time consuming organization that you know is not a good fit for you simply because you’re afraid it might be awkward to see some of the members for a while after you drop out?
Answer that question honestly and you’ll know what you need to do. It might be awkward at first, but if you are already feeling this way, I think it’s only a matter of time before you are miserable, and awkward is better than miserable IMO. If your friends who are joining are truly your friends, they’ll be fine with it.
What happens if you wait? You must have seen something in the fraternity scene that you liked…why not try it out and see how it goes at this point? Or woudl it be more difficult later?
If you lose these friends, will you have a social circle anymore?
At my school the asian frats have a pretty significant influence within the Asian community. Those who accept their bid and then leave the process are referred to as DPs (drop-pledges). Generally from what I’ve seen, DPs tend to be “blacklisted” from parties, social circles, etc. and everyone in the Asian Greek community will know that you dropped (even the members of the rival frats)
Despite that, I’ve seen some DPs become popular outside the main party/drinking asian scene, usually within their major or within more “family-friendly” asian orgs.
What are the commitments of actually being a brother? If you joined because of your friends and you like the people in the house/your pledge class (which is like 95% of the point) unless being a brother is going to require more than you’re willing to give you might as well just keep going.
I would not want friends who care if I dropped a frat.
That said, level of commitment is high for a pledge, then up to you after you are initiated.
My son is a varsity athlete and engineer. I think they realize that you’ll spend more time with your
team during your sport’s season, and only time with the frat off season.
If you like the members, I would not let the concept of “brotherhood” bother you
It’s just a group to hang with and can be as much or as little a part of your life as you choose.
There are a lot of multicultural frats on my campus along with an Asian-interest one.
It’s actually expected for at least one person to drop. The entire process is to see if YOU think the frat is the right fit for you. That’s why the pledge process tends to take a few weeks.
If you feel that it’s the right fit for you, go for it.
If you feel that it isn’t, then drop it.
I’m part of a sorority. We have girls pledge, then have at least one drop before the process is over. Are we sad to let someone go? Yes. Are we going to be upset about? No.
We will continue to talk to her and invite her to activities. If the frat you pledged to really lives up to its values, they shouldn’t make life awkward for you if you drop.
However, I would suggest talking to your NM Educator or a Greek advisor about it. When I went through the process I had a lot of conflicting thoughts about it, but I finished the process and eventually went on to join my sorority’s executive board. I love my sorority, but I also understand that Greek life isn’t for everyone.
So just make sure you de-pledge because you know that it isn’t the right fit and not because of self-doubt. I’ve had girls drop because of self-doubt and they eventually regretted not joining.
Also, as @blevine point out, the time commitment is only high for pledges. After that, you’ll have more time to yourself and for any other activities that you enjoy.
When I was a pledge I was busy from 7am to midnight. Now I have so much free time I don’t know what to do with it.
Being independent is not mutually exclusive with being part of a brotherhood. Many of the U.S.'s top leaders in a variety of fields were members of fraternities (and sororities). While that alone isn’t a good reason to join, it is evidence of the fact that you can be an independent person with leadership qualities and still want the bonds of brotherhood and friendship that come with a fraternity.
HOWEVER, there are lots of people who know they don’t want Greek life - and that’s okay too! You can seek out brotherhood and friendship without being in a fraternity. Maybe some of the Greek members of the community will treat you poorly if you de-pledge, but that’s their problem. The whole point of the process is to find out if the org is right for you - and if it’s not, it makes more sense to de-pledge. There are probably lots of other people to be friends with on campus, most of whom will not care that you dropped. And if your friends are true friends, they won’t stop being friends with you because you decided not to join their fraternity.
I don’t see any serious reason to drop. Once you finish your pledge process, the time involved should go down significantly, and then you can decide how much time you want to put into the fraternity.
