<p>I need some feedback/opinion from all of you. My 9th grade S scored in the 99th percentile including nationally on the SSAT and in the 96th percentile on the PSAT he just took. He also has excellent grades. I had planned to make a last try at getting him moved to a smaller environment top tier private day school rather than the large suburban public high school where he is now, in part to surround him with high achieving students, better prepare him as a person in a smaller environment where he cannot blend with the masses and where he could get the college guidance to get in any school he wants to go when the time comes.<br>
Here is the snag. He does not want to change schools. The usual excuses - too far away( about an hour each way vs 15 min. each way), his friends are at his current school, why pay so much tuition and for what?, etc. Yet I read here where so many kids are actually TRYING and WANT to go to a top private school. The private school choices for him include the one where I went, as well as one that is probably considered the best in the South, often appearing on the list of Ivy League feeder schools. This school is often viewed by parents as the 'best of the best' academically here.
What would you people do if you were me? Should I insist he change schools? Am I weak for caving in and letting him stay where he is even though I know in the big picture, for personal development, I think he would be better off at the private school? Would you just require him to make the change for his good and let him hate me today and thank me someday, like I did my parents? Have I failed to position this in the proper light in order to make this a non-issue(ok, I will accept that). What would you do if your kid had this opportunity but had no interest in capitalizing in it? BTW, we may be upper middle class but $15-18k would severely impact our financial future(loans) but I feel strong enough about it to go deep if I need to in order to prepare him for what will be an even more competitive society. go ahead please, give me all the opinion you care to share and I appreciate it!</p>
<p>Bring your son for a campus visit, talk to him and listen what he says. If he really doesn't like the school, don't try! He is doing so well now, if I were you, I will leave the decision to him.</p>
<p>Aren't there high-achieving students where he is? I would assume at least some of his friends are so. The thing that jumps out at me: commuting 1 hour each way for a total of 2 hours per day. That's absolutely oppressive for most people, particularly if it's not on something like a train where he could at least do homework. All that time lost. Time that he could be expanding himself in clubs and other things at the other school.</p>
<p>I sure other folks have good wisdom regarding how to handle his feelings and whether or not this effort would backfire.</p>
<p>What are his friends like? Are they high achievers like him? The pressure to fit in is so powerful at this age. If he's surrounded by kids like him and your public school fulfills his needs (lots of AP classes), then he should be fine. Otherwise, I think there is a huge benefit to moving him to a higher achieving environment. In the end I should think he will be happier. He will still have his local friends.</p>
<p>Take him on some campus tours. Some schools even have the option of overnight visits for prospective students. Experiencing what boarding school is really like, not just the stereotypes with definately open his eyes to something great. If he is still unsure just have him apply and see what happens. Tell him nothing final, just applying. If he gets in, have him go to the revist program, which is much more geared towards kids who can't make up their minds. He should be able to make a decision from there. Also remind him that it is a great opportunity and there are more opps for friends at BS than there is at a public school.</p>
<p>I agree that you should take him to the campus and maybe have him go there for a day. if he doesn't like it, it's his decision. From an applicants opinion, your son might be taking the place of a kid who really wants to go. Is that fair? And I also agree that two hours commute is long to the point of ridiculousness, he's wasting his time sitting around in a car when he can be doing more productive things.</p>
<p>I think we need to know more about the large public high school. Is there an honors track? How strictly is it implemented? Although there may be kids with all sorts of academic and personal goals attending this school, if the honors kids hang together, he could already be surrounded by high achieving students.</p>
<p>Does his current school have an honor roll? Are there AP courses? How many? Is access to the AP courses limited in any way? Do students from this school go on to attend challenging colleges? </p>
<p>Is he an only child? If he has siblings, coordinating the commute will be challenging. An hour commute one way means an adult could face 4 hours of driving on some days (there-back-there-back). If you were to send him to a private school an hour away, might you be able to move closer to the school? I think that two hours of commuting time every day would present a significant obstacle in academics and extracurricular activities, not to mention getting enough sleep.</p>
<p>Finally, I don't know if it's possible, in this day and age, to "force" a child to attend a private school. If your son's not with the program, I can't see a desirable school accepting him. According to the Wall Street Journal, competition for spots at day school is at an all time high. Why should a school take on a reluctant student, when eager students are beating on their doors? I also would not put it past a teenager, as a last resort, to "cut off his nose to spite his face," i.e., do poorly enough at the new school to be thrown out, and returned to his old school.</p>
<p>As far as college guidance goes, some parents have complained that private schools restrict their children's options when applying to colleges. For example, many schools apparently require, or strongly encourage, students to apply early to a college, and then pressure the students who have been accepted early to attend that college. Thus, one strong student doesn't ruin the chances of other students at competitive colleges. I don't have a problem with this policy, myself, and I can see its utility, but you may feel differently.</p>
<p>I also don't know how prominently school politics affect a school's relative weighting of students. If the Ivy College calls, will your child be treated fairly in comparison to a trustee's child? I would like to think so.</p>
<p>You may be better off supplementing the public school's guidance department with a private consultant.</p>
<p>he is happy where he is, let him stay there. lots of people get into good schools without going to private prep schools. i think that the commute alone would make me miserable, let alone leaving his friends</p>
<p>First, your problem is a good one to have. Your son is smart, motivated, getting good grades, and doing well where he is; and you have the financial ability to consider other options. As the parent of two teenagers I think it would be a huge risk to take him out of a school that he likes and is doing well in to send him someplace he has told you he doesn't want to be in the hope that once he makes the change he'll be happy he did. Sometimes, even when a student is really excited about going to a new school, particularly a BS, things don't work out and they're unhappy. I think the chances of this happening with a kid who doesn't want to go to a new school are that much greater.</p>
<p>However, I agree that it might be worthwhile for you to at least tour the schools you are interested in, so long as you make it clear to your son that you are only windowshopping and will continue the process only if he is interested. In fact, if you go this route and tour the campus, in my experience the best thing you can do is to remain virtually silent, resisting any temptation you might have to gush about how beautiful the grounds are, how impressive the athletic facilities, how interesting the courses, etc. If after a couple of tours, your son has changed his mind on his own my advice would be to drop it and let him stay where he is.</p>
<p>Of course, no one knows your kid as well as you, so you should take my advice, and everyone else's, with a healthy grain of salt. Although this board is a great source of info., very few of us have any real qualifications for offering advice to anyone, other than our own experience - so you should take from our comments anything you think is useful and feel free to ignore the rest.</p>
<p>my parents forced me to go to private school. middle school was hell (which I've heard is the same at all middle schools), but the high school is a lot better. Still too small, but that's my opinion. </p>
<p>if your local school versus private school is comparable to princeton high vs. princeton day, there is no point in changing, especially if he's not having social problems or academic problems. </p>
<p>otherwise maybe you should just have him look at the brochures and things and show him what the school has to offer, if he cares anough about academics he'll give it a chance and if he doesn't there's no point</p>
<p>also I would suggest that you make sure that he is a good match personality wise for the school if you do end up making him apply. just because a school is number one doesn't mean it's good for you. I can't think of what it would be like if my parents sent me to one of the highly competitive "I have to be number one at everything" schools in our area. </p>
<p>also, if he is the type of person who is not good at masking his true feelings the school will know that he doesn't want to go, reject him, and you would have spent all of your effort trying to get him into a school that doesn't want him. When I went for 1 interview it was in the notes that I didn't put too much effort into the interview last year, they know</p>
<p>Thanks for the great feedback. The public school he attends is in what I guess could be described as middle/upper middle class area, free of many of the issues that plague schools. It has a huge honors program and many AP classes and he is taking all of those he can take. I don't yet know how good the guidance counselor is, but I do know they have several planning sessions in which my wife has participated. As I said earlier, I feel confident that academically, he will be fine with the AP program they have there. Possibly the tuition savings can best be put to use for summer activities and travel.
As far as the distance to the school, I think 45-60 minutes each way is the best estimate and you brought up a good point that alot can be accomplished in that time rather than a long commute. Unfortunately, living in a city of nearly 5 million makes it difficult to get from point A to point B quickly.</p>
<p>I have a D at a small private all-girls Catholic school (500 students) and a son attending our large (3,000 student) public school. It's been quite interesting to contrast the two. Parent involvement is actually higher at the public school as far as volunteers and booster club involvement. My daughter likes to be in the spotlight so she has enjoyed being president of several clubs and being a "big fish" in a small pond. On the downside after junior class she will have exhausted all their math classes, they don't offer many AP classes and they don't offer things like math contests, science fairs, band, orchestra, musicals or even chess club. Her guidance counselor seems good but still has 250 students to advise. My son is quite shy but as a freshman at the large school he has played football, is doing track, sings in the choir and went to chess club a few times. There are tons of clubs to choose from and lots of AP classes. There are many more problems with alcohol, drugs and other bad things at the public school but so far my son hasn't had any problems. Based on my experience I would agree that it depends a lot on your child's personality and interests. But it sounds like he can thrive in the public school where he is.</p>
<p>You should research your son's current school's recent matriculation track record and try to speak with parents of current seniors about the school's guidance counselors. </p>
<p>I'm assuming you've applied to private school and expect admission given his scores and grades? That commute seems like a dealbreaker. It would make for some pretty stressful evenings during exam time!</p>