<p>Time for her to leave college, come home, and work a job for a while. While she may have been an honors student during HS, it could be that her HS was not very rigorous and she wasn’t well prepared for college level academics.</p>
<p>Save the $4,000. Have her come home and come up with a new 12 month plan----could include work, technical school, community college courses in a new direction/major, etc. She’s not academically suited for pre-med.</p>
<p>This isn’t giving up on your daughter. It’s helping her to find a new direction/path towards the future.</p>
<p>A good high school GPA isn’t that relevant to college pre-med courses. At my daughter’s college the pre-health advisor told me students (and parents) are often shocked by a dip in grades compared with high school. It doesn’t mean she’s not trying. I would loan her the $4000 and strongly suggest she consider changing her major.</p>
<p>First things: Thank you for your service to our country.</p>
<p>Second, I am sorry you have to deal with this weighing on your mind during your deployment.</p>
<p>Third, "Maybe pre-med is not for her? " (I am not the first to say it.)</p>
<p>Fourth: Send the $4000 to the school. Consider it a round sent down range. You won’t know if it hits the target or not, but it is worth the shot (pun intended). She is your daughter and you don’t want to be thinking about pushing her out of school while you are “over there.”</p>
<p>I don’t think that giving up is the answer , but I think looking into switching to another major would be a very good idea. Sorry to say , but it isn’t likely that she will be able to continue on the pre-med path if she is struggling this hard , this early in her studies
It is NOT going to get easier.
There is no shame in following another path , one less rigorous and stressful for her.</p>
<p>Your D has had a second and third chance. I would fear that if I sent the money, nothing would change, and she would be academically dismissed. This would be bad. So, I will join “Team Return to Chicago.” </p>
<p>She needs time to figure out why she is doing so poorly. It is not for you or anyone else to tell her why she is failing; she needs to come to her own answer. She goes back for another quarter of “same old, same old” and she probably will not do that. The cold water in the face of going home, back under dad’s watchful eye may help. I don’t know if job or cc is the right path once she returns. Is your GI bill limited to a certain number of semesters? If so, you might want her to sit out until you feel like she’s found her motiviation and self-managment skills.</p>
<p>FWIW, I don’t think “change majors” is the magic answer here. She probably needs to do that, but some of the things she’s said to you that make me suspect it’s mroe than a matter of being in the wrong classes. For instance, she couldn’t go to the seminars because they conflicted with class? Come on. The academic probation people who schedule those tend to make sure they’re offered when students are available or they have several sections of them. Sounds like she’s trying to avoid getting into trouble with you by coming up with lame answers. It’s a red flag for me, at least when I hear it from my students, and I rarely see excuse-behavior change with a major.</p>
<p>I would not send the money if this were my child. By not sending it, you will spare yourself from worrying about wasting $4000 and you will know that she is safely with her dad while you are away. I would only send this money if I were 90% sure it was a good bet, and you know this isn’t.</p>
<p>It really does take some kids longer to grow up than others.</p>
<p>I vote for having her take a leave of absence and go home. In the long run, another semester of accumulating bad grades will not help her, no matter what she decides to do.</p>
<p>Sorry you are going through this while deployed, but agree–thanks for serving our country! Honestly, it does sound like you have given her many, many chances but she has not decided to do her share, sadly. It does sound like IF you advance her any or all of the $4000, it should be as a loan. Honestly, it does sound like it might be better to ask about having a withdrawal and have your D take time off to come up with a new plan–technical school, CC and/or work to figure out which way she’s headed. This is NOT giving up on your D but allowing her time & space to grow. Good luck with this!</p>
<p>Has your daughter made a commitment to you and herself that the grades will improve dramatically next semester? I will preface my advice with the disclosure that I am an eternal optimist.</p>
<p>I don’t know much about the specifics of the GI bill, but I gleaned from your post that most of her college is being paid for. If that is the case, and it would not be a financial hardship for your family, I would be inclined to pay the $4000. Seems like a great opportunity for her and if she is willing to put in the work, then I would give her the chance to redeem herself. I would also have her get out the pre-med program for now. See how she does with a regular college curriculum.</p>
<p>I would pay the $4000 and give her one more shot. If she leaves school now it will be really hard to ever go back full time. You know she is capable, she just needs to find her way back.</p>
<p>I think “lending” her the money with the understanding that she’ll repay you with her summer earnings is a good compromise and gives her some “skin in the game” without requiring her to hold a job while attending college.</p>
<p>I would not give up on your daughter but I wouldn’t send her the $4K either. I would send her back to her father in Chicago and give her some time to figure out what to do. She can take CC classes while she figures out her next step. Clearly something is not working for her at her current school. I would see if you can help her regroup and figure out what the actual problem is and how to address it before sending her to a residential college again.</p>
<p>I’m purely speculating, but could it be that you were fairly strict at home and now that she has her independence, she is sowing her wild oats and not taking care of business? This is what comes to mind with the heart break, the roomie drama, etc. What was her level of motivation and organization in HS? Is her college large?</p>
<p>I would probably send her to a smaller, private college closer to home so that she would have less temptations.</p>
<p>What does she say that she is going to do differently this coming semester? Does she have a plan? Does she have a support network that will help her stick to that plan?</p>
<p>If that is in place, then $4,000 may be a small price to pay to help her get moving forward. However, if she has no plan, then there is no amount of money that will get her sorted out.</p>
<p>Yes you don’t have to pay for tuition because of the GI Bill, but she’s burning her way through that college fund. If things do not improve, it will be gone, she will have a boatload of bad grades, and she won’t be much closer to any kind of career entry point thank she is right now.</p>
<p>If her dad can be rational about this, ask him to find out what her commitment level really is for college. If it isn’t there, she should be allowed to take time off until it is. She might feel that she “has” to be in college right now just because the money is there.</p>
<p>If she doesn’t get a summer job, the IOU/Loan will still be due and owing. It should be a formal written loan agreement, with interest forgiven if it is fully paid by say August 31, 2013.</p>
<p>My S just chose to take a LOA because he was not happy with his performance the past two semesters, and his grades were nowhere near a 1.7. Has been struggling with motivation and focus, and could not vouch that it would improve next semester. I am very proud he took responsibility. He is going to take one class this semester at home to keep on track in his major, and will probably get a job, see a counselor and figure out where this detour takes him. </p>
<p>While pre-med may not be a viable option, there are probably other subjects your D likes and may do very well in. I would encourage <em>her</em> to decide that a semester off to consider other paths would be a good investment in her future. Time to limit the damage to her GPA so that she can resume college later with more focus and a better sense of what she wants. </p>
<p>DH yanked our older son for a quarter after some poor grades (not on probation, but not good by any means). This time, he has stepped back and let S2 feel the consequences. As a wise person told me, sometimes we have to feel the “ouch” before we can grow.</p>
<p>Thank you for serving.
Obviously this is a tough decision, that in the end only your family can make. I’m assuming your daughter wants to stay at school and her dad thinks she should come home. So that puts you in a tough situation either way. I can’t tell from your post if the money is due for the quarter or semester that’s just about to start, so I’m assuming it is. If I were you, I would probably front her the money, but tell her you are treating this as a loan, unless she gets her grades up, and that you will not pay for another semester or quarter unless substantial improvement is made. I just see it as too hard to deal with while you are deployed, and I’m not sure how life would be with her and her dad without you there. But your family may be used to this… And her father may be very willing to handle her on a full-time basis while you are away.
Good luck, and please tell us what you decide. Hugs…</p>