<p>Hey. </p>
<p>I'll try to give a quick rundown of who I am and my current situation.</p>
<p>I'm 28, and graduated with my degree in History from UW-Madison in 2008. I had a low-decent GPA (3.3, a bit higher for my major). I didn't do great in HS (3.1 without any challenging coursework), so I went to a different state university for two years before transferring to UW. Regardless, I was usually considered by my teachers and professors as one of the smarter students. I've always felt like I badly underachieved, but also been aware of the inflated confidence of my generation, and the possibility of this within myself as a defense against massive insecurities I had. Regardless, there could have been legitimate reasons for my relatively just-above-mediocre academic performance such as growing up in a really ****ed up family dynamic that did not offer much helpful conditioning, as well as having my childhood largely structured around hospital visits and other serious health issues. Basically, just trauma. Anyway, I won't make this therapy.</p>
<p>In my late 20's now I feel like my brain is actually reverse-engineering itself back to like, the starting point, when thinking first slammed it's creative foot onto the external world and started telling stories and ultimately structuring the most basic energies and ideas through which I'd experience reality. This is changing everything. I don't necessarily know whether I'm smart enough for engineering, but my girlfriend (who was a math major at Stanford) seems to think I definitely am. I generally err to the side of caution with praise, but something in me tells me I should take on a challenge like engineering. As I see it, this would be beneficial in two ways: It would provide my with satisfaction from having a job requiring brainpower and applied understanding of abstract things, and it would also put me in a more secure place jobs-wise in a world which seems to becoming more competitive and more demanding of actual skills. </p>
<p>I do believe my interests lie in this type of field. I remember in second grade discovering what an atom was and feeling like a knot of energy in my chest had been untangled. I remember feeling this sense of relief and fascination, and sitting on my back porch and looking at the night sky. I'd tell my parents and friends about it, and no one seemed to share my level of excitement. But this is a relatively basic feeling and memory to use as a basis for diving into a multi-year and expensive pursuit. I'm a bit worried that, feeling my own desires or even preferences for the first time, it will take years for me to actually develop enough of a healthy and grounded enough self-interest to take the challenge on and be able to follow it through and complete it. Part of it is an ego thing, too, as my parents treated me as being kind of "stupid," because I had a health condition that is sometimes associated with serious learning disabilities. </p>
<p>I don't feel like I've asked a definite question, but I'd be really interested in hearing more about your experiences with engineering, or anything else you feel might be helpful. Given my situation, do you have any recommendations about how I could discover more about what a job as an engineering major is like? Whether I'm just fancying some shallow idea in my head that will result in either quickly discovering I've gotten into something I hate, or simply burning out and wasting money? Electrical Engineering is what jumps out as being the most interesting to me. Do most engineers end up in somewhat repetitive, corporate-feeling jobs? Is it naive of me to expect I could end up in a somewhat unstructured, creative environment with people who share a genuine fascination with the universe and technology rather than just with money and status?</p>
<p>Anyway, I apologize if this post is stupid and appreciate anything.</p>