Should I go to my high school graduation?

Pre-College Issues High School Life
1

Hello, I am currently a high school senior that is expected to graduate in May of next year. Up until two months ago, I was on track to become the valedictorian of my class. However, somebody who was in the IB program at another school transferred to my school in the middle of the semester, and my principal is still allowing them to be in the running. This frustrates me for two reasons. First, the new student has not even attended my school for half a semester, yet they will still be representing the school at graduation. Second, since my school does not have an IB program, the new student is able to boost their grade point average with classes that aren’t possible to take at my school, making the running completely unfair. Therefore, I frankly do not want to attend a graduation ceremony held by the school that does not respect my four years of hard work and just allowed that to happen.

However, I am contemplating the potential consequences of not attending graduation. For example, could any of the colleges I applied to rescind their offers of admissions? Is this something worth me not attending graduation?

2

Attending the recognition ceremony has nothing to do with whether you technically graduate and should not have any effect on college admissions.

Have you approached the school administrators about having co-valedictorians under the circumstances? (I have heard of other schools having co-valedictorians for the first in the class based on weighted and also the first based on unweighted GPA.)

1 Like
3

Thanks, I just was wondering if not attending graduation was something that colleges looked down upon. Also, the possibility of co-valedictorians was another conversation I had during my appointment with my principal. He said that the only situation in which co-honors will be granted is if the weighted grade point averages of the top two students are “identical”. But because the transfer student had access to more courses that can boost their GPA, even though I got straight A’s this semester, it’s impossible for me to get my weighted GPA to be identical, making co-valedictorians not a realistic possibility.

4

This is a time of maturity…a life lesson.

If you have concerns, develop a three or five point reason why. Make an appointment with your 12th grade and school principal. Be calm.

You have to go with whatever they decide and they may be bound by certain rules.

In the end, yes you need to go. Not going is petty and that’s the maturity lesson. Stuff doesn’t always go your way. You still go, cheer on your classmates and enjoy the moment.

Finally, awards are nice but they are not who you are. They are an outcome of who you are. You still are a high gpa, high act, etc. nothing changes. That was simply a recognition.

Knowing you did it should be satisfaction enough.

Learn to love yourself.

Congrats on your achievements.

5

Colleges won’t know or care if you attend the ceremony. You will still get your diploma and that’s what’s important.

So sorry this happened. That does sound frustrating and disappointing.

6

I think that you know what you have accomplished. Your family and your friends know what you have accomplished. The people who have written your letters of reference know what you have accomplished.

Universities that you have applied to will have made up their mind before a valedictorian has been picked. They will not change their decision one way or the other.

Many decades ago I got a small award for being salutatorian of my high school. This was a total shock to me (I had not expected it at all). The small award is sitting upstairs in a drawer in a desk.

The small award does not matter. What you have accomplished over a full four years does matter. For one thing, this has made you that much better prepared to do well when you get to much more difficult classes in university.

I think that you should attend your graduation, and hold your head up high. Be proud of what you have done over four full years. Your parents and family and friends will be very glad to see you there.

Universities will not care whether you attend your graduation. Your family will care.

Also, congratulations on your accomplishments to this point. Keep up the excellent work when you get to university.

7

If you truly do not want to go to your graduation because you don’t want to deal with the crowds, the Pomp & Circumstance, the ceremony, then don’t go.
If you don’t want to go because you are upset that someone, who hasn’t attended your school, is “robbing you” of your “award” by coming in and taking your limelight, then don’t go. That will show them! Your choice.

The only persons who will notice your absence is your family. Sad that you’re not considering their feelings. A high school graduation is a celebration of the students. It’s not your personal ceremony, nor your time to gloat and say, “look at me!” The other students are not going to miss your presence and you wont cause any regret on the part of the Principal. Mathematically, that student has higher stats. No one said life is fair.

Graduation is a time when every student has balloons, cards, decorated caps, and favorite grandmas and grandpas celebrating multiple student achievements.

You don’t need to go, and honestly, the other students wont care because it is their time; you wont be missed. It’s all about your class. The admitting colleges don’t care if you go to your high school graduation. Why should they?

Our son, and four of his friends, were told by the principal’s office that their grades were being calculated to see who the valedictorian would be at the ceremony. This was the week of graduation.
They didn’t know until it was announced at the ceremony.

Down the street, the other neighborhood high school had 16 valedictorians.
Did our top 5 care? No. They wanted to be down on the field with their friends with the beach balls and bubbles. In the end, our son attended his top 10 choice.
After the ceremony:

  • The “Valedictorian” thought he was in at MIT but he wasn’t aware that he missed a required science course, so they had to call him and “rescind” the admission.
  • The Salutatorian was not decided. The math was too close.
    So, assuming #2 student, his parents assumed that he would receive great funding at a top 25, and they hadn’t saved anything, so he attended a local in-state.
  • The other 2 students attended in-state universities after only applying to Top 20’s and being denied admission. They didn’t apply to safeties.

If you’re going to go onto a college/university, get used to not being number one. Everyone there is sharp, competitive and gifted. There is always someone smarter, faster and better than anyone. It’s not a time to pout and complain, showing your true self. Not a good sendoff, in my opinion.

4 Likes
8

Yes because your reason why you wouldn’t attend shows immaturity and pettiness.

2 Likes
9

I’ll say it: go.

If this weren’t about you, and you were sitting in the audience, who would you have more respect for? The kid who didn’t show up because he felt slighted, or the kid who showed up despite feeling slighted?

Which kid would your family be most proud of?

Be the person who earns the respect of everyone. Shake off the disappointment and the hurt, hold your head up high knowing the amazing things you accomplished with or without recognition, and go. Proudly.

2 Likes
10

Colleges don’t care.

Go to graduation. I understand why you’re upset. But…

As a kid who moved in high school, I am sympathetic to this person who just came to your school. What a lousy time to move! What if they also lost credit for the work they’d done to this point? How will they finish the IBD at this point or is that lost too?

Why not try to befriend this person? It’s far easier to accept losing to a friend. Only you choose to see them as a rival.

This is an opportunity to work through some tough emotions and do do the mature, right thing. Being truly gracious in this type of situation is very difficult- and a critical life skill.

2 Likes
11

Have you actually looked at the school policies manual? Has the principal looked?

Too late this year probably but go to the school board and ask for a new policy. If anyone transfers in their senior year they aren’t eligible for valedictorian. Seems reasonable.

Life’s not fair. Never has been. If you don’t attend under protest guess what? Nobody will notice or care. That’s life.

Go to graduation. It’s for your family not just you.

12

I don’t know what the big deal is about being a valedictorian. How courses are weighted is arbitrary and varies from school to school. Colleges, especially elite colleges, don’t care about something that’s based on weighted GPA. What matter to the colleges are the courses you took, how you challenged yourself, and how you did in those courses.

13

It’s a big deal in Texas. Free tuition. OP didn’t mention his state of residence.

1 Like
14

The OP worked very hard throughout high school with the reasonable expectation of getting awarded and recognized and, yes, some limelight — the same as peers in years before — only to have it taken away at the last minute due to unforeseen circumstances beyond the OP’s control.

Minimizing the award or suggesting the OP is petty or immature is not kind, helpful, or necessary. It was a big deal to the OP, who should not feel ashamed for being disappointed.

I was the kid who moved in the middle of high school and the only reason I was not valedictorian was because I did not realize my new school counted A- as lower than a 4.0 (My old school didn’t and I received one A- at the new school, ruining my perfect GPA.) I still remember the disappointment. On the other hand, the valedictorian in my class would have been rightfully disappointed had I been recognized when my GPA reflected “hidden” A- grades and hers didn’t. For all I know, the person who would have been salutatorian had I not showed up may have been upset for that very reason.

There is not a good way to make it “fair,” which is why many schools, including our local high school, no longer name a valedictorian.

Being valedictorian may not be a big deal to colleges or in life in general. Attending graduation may be the classy thing for OP to do. And OP should certainly feel proud of their accomplishments and try to leave the bitterness behind because bitterness merely corrodes the vessel that holds it without having any effect on anyone else. So attending in recognition of OP’s hard work may also be healthy in terms of turning the page.

But OP should not be disparaged for having a normal human initial reaction to the situation.

4 Likes
15

Is the OP from Texas? S/he seems to be more concerned about other issues. If s/he is from Texas, offering free tuitions to valedictorians surely motivates abuses of the system.

2 Likes
16

I’m sure it would promote abuse but I’m also pretty sure the HS would have a pretty good valedictorian policy that’s well publicized. At least after the first disputed case for valedictorian.

Our HS got rid of valedictorian awards years ago. At first I thought it was a bad idea. It was probably the right choice. Knowing some of the parents I’m sure the HS admin was tired of dealing with upset parents and students.