Should I listen to my college counselor? (Personal Statement)

Hey guys,

I’m in a strange situation.

I wrote two common app essays for my college counselor to review and give advice on. She said both were very well written, but that one was better than the other. She said I wrote more formally and more eloquently in the essay she had selected.

However, I want to submit the other essay. It is much more personal and it just sounds more like me. (I can still use the other essay as a supplement.)

My counselor is getting upset that I’m having this crisis and wants me to “just move on” in my application work.

Advice? Should I value her opinion over mine, or go with my gut?

Thanks,
Nick :bz

Perhaps you can get a third opinion but ultimately, it is your decision. What is the deadline of your first app?

How experienced is this GC with applications to your target schools?

You’re not telling us enough about how they’re different. The goal is a narrative that shows the attributes they want, and “show, not just tell.” The one that is “much more personal and it just sounds more like me” may or may not be the right tale (or platform.) We don’t know.

But remember also that this isn’t like a hs essay where formality, the thesis statement, proofs, et al, are graded.

So try to view both as adcoms will. Which contributes more to a picture of the you that will get them nodding, for the class they want to build?

Do both fit within these essay tips?

http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/college-essays/2003258-essay-tips-to-consider-p1.html

Have you had another adult besides your GC look at the one you want to use? You should before you decide for sure.

I’d lean toward the one you like best if it isn’t out of bounds in some way and some other adult likes it.

I am no expert but from the reading I’ve done the essay should reflect who you are as a person and be in the voice of a 17/18 year old. I’ve read that it’s important the essay isn’t over edited or written by an adult because it will be very obvious. From the samples I’ve read online as strong essays I don’t get that formal is what they’re looking for. If my research is valid, your instincts are correct rather than your counselor’s.

One way or the other, I agree that you’ve got to “just move on” and decide. No need to make it a “crisis”, just make the decision and move on with the application process…

Thank you everyone! I will definitely use the essay that I feel is more personal.

Here’s the thing. The best essay will very strongly depend on the college you’re applying to. Whereas the more personal, informal essay may be a big hit at a place like the University of Chicago (disclaimer: where I go), it definitely isn’t the way to go for a school like University of California at Berkeley. At public schools such as this, the more formal, typically “eloquent” essay may be favored. So just be mindful of that before you pick the more personal essay for all the colleges you’re looking at.

~ Colin from UChicago

^ Uc’s no longer require one long essay but rather several short questions.

@matt41263 Perhaps that’s why the counselor made the suggestion she did?

Who says that top publics want more formal and eloquent essays? Those aren’t the point in writing for admissions.

None of us know which of OP’s essays is on target, in the first place, or if either is. There’s advice to write in your own voice…but that doesn’t mean any old topic, whatever musing comes to mind. You’re applying for an admit, right? You want them to see what they need to, right? Know what that is.

I guess my point is that perhaps the college counselor has an idea of the success rate of kids from that school with those scores pplying to those colleges, and the types of essays that have worked. Very likely, a better idea than a 17 year old going through the process the first time, very possibly a better idea than strangers who don’t know the kid and don’t know the schools and haven’t read the essays in question.

I think that a lot of times kids post here looking for verification that they were right and their counselor is wrong, and they get it.

But I know for a fact that our College Placement counselors know their stuff. Kids who choose their own opinions on the college placement process instead of listening to the advice of our counselors typically regret that choice.

In any event, the “just move on” advice is good: Make a choice, and send the application.

^ Yes, possible. What the GC prefers may, in fact, better communicate the right assets, be better written.

OP should look at each essay in light of what he actually shows. He mentioned applying to Harvard. If so, he needs to think on a certain level, ensure he’s savvy about what matters, know what to communicate. The next 2 weeks may be worth some reconsideration, rather than rushing.

I am an essay tutor and I don’t like essays that are overly formal. Invariably, they lack a voice. They always sound forced, as if the stduent thinks they need to use fancy words and try and sound intelligent and sophisticated. It’s okay to write that way, if maybe you are a great writer. But hardly any teenagers are such good writers that they can get away with it.

I read a bunch of supplements the other day, and in each one it seemed as though the student was trying to present a scholarly paper. They were dry and not interesting. This student’s writing style is naturally quite formal, but I was able to show him the necessity of bringing his own personality into his writing. He was able to find a way to do that without changing his style too much.

I think your instinct is the way to go, but you definitely should get one more trusted adult to look it over for any obvious mistakes.