<p>My 84-year-old mother still reminds me to floss. </p>
<p>:)</p>
<p>That’s exactly why we have laws…for clarity.</p>
<p>Hunt, you may be right, but I couldn’t really tell you for sure if it is most. It certainly seems like it. I haven’t seen much done at our school either, but it doesn’t change the law. I expect more from the parents of my children’s friends. I’ll do my job parenting, but other parents shouldn’t allow kids to break the law when they know it. I realize the OP didn’t until after the fact.</p>
<p>OP, I like your idea of talking directly to the kids yourself. </p>
<p>You D indicated that there were designated drivers. The fact that some of the kids may not have been drinking, or could claim to their parents that they were the DD and didn’t drink, is a complicating factor in parental notification. (One hopes that their definition of a DD is not “someone who has only had two or three drinks.”)</p>
<p>I might add that the number of underage teens who drink will continue to rise when we have parents who condone illegal consumption and feel they can decide whether the law applies. With the increase in underage consumption and appearance of apathy from parents the death toll and potential for legal problems these teens face will also escalate.</p>
<p>Sad, really.</p>
<p>Consolation,</p>
<p>That is the definition of DD to many adults. Since many of those same adults apparently find it “cool” to decide for whom the law applies as far as illegal consumption, why would we be surprised when they also model this behavior?</p>
<p>I’ve never met anyone who thought they were drunk and few who drive after drinking would consider themselves “too drunk” to drive. Judgment is the first thing to be impaired.</p>
<p>Whenever people are talking about “minor,” they are referring to people who are under 18, right? “The law” (or exceptions) for underaged drinking for people 18+ is different from state to state. More importantly, my law at my house is very different than other people’s law at their own house. It is one of the reasons I tell my kids to stay away from some crazy parents, better not to invite some of their kids over.</p>
<p>My Googling finds a Harvard study from 2002 indicating that about two-thirds of underage college students reported drinking alcohol in the previous 30 days. My guess is that this number is on the low side.</p>
<p>
The other side of this is that the restriction on drinking for people who are over 18 is a law that many people don’t agree with, and that is violated by a majority of the people to whom it applies, whether they are in college or not. I can’t think of many other laws in a similar situation, except perhaps for speed limits (and for them, people don’t really think they’re unreasonable, but violate them anyway). Laws agains marijuana are similar, but I think the violation of the drinking-age laws are even more widespread. It’s not surprising that respect for this law is weak–it’s not so different from what happened with respect to Prohibition.</p>
<p>Umm, actually the laws of your state would apply to you and anyone in your home as well. I’m not sure what your state’s laws are, but you aren’t free to make your own.</p>
<p>Hunt,</p>
<p>I may not agree with the President either, but he or she is still the President. There is a process for repealing laws. If people didn’t choose to ignore the ones we have we wouldn’t need so many. Shall we all create a menu of laws with which we agree and only abide by those?</p>
<p>Personally, I sincerely hope my child’s first encounter with alcohol is in a supervised house (which the op’s house was not) rather than at college. This is from my own observations as a college student. </p>
<p>I also like OF’s advice about crazy parents.</p>
<p>
Let’s say that you live in a state that says minors may not consume alcohol at all, even with parent’s permission. You decide that you will let your 20-year-old have wine with dinner at your house anyway. You have broken the law. And?</p>
<p>I find this thread pretty laughable when I recall what was going on in our community at both public schools and prestigious prep schools when kids were in 7th grade on up! Alcohol was everywhere- parents were called when their cars were discovered out and about with their 14 year olds driving- cheerleaders had vodka in their water bottles at football games- boys at one prep school formed a drug buying cartel and one boy made the “buy” each month… And this was upper middle and middle class Dallas!</p>
<p>And here we are worried about calling the parents of 18 and 19 year olds? Uh, just count your blessings.</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>That makes zero sense.</p>
<p>How exactly do you think those little darlings got the idea?..apathetic parents.</p>
<p>The problem is parents often condone their child’s behavior and project it as “acceptable” because theirs is doing it. Too bad, that leads to more bad behavior as they (and others) seek boundaries and limits.</p>
<p>Any parent who believes he can’t be sued or held otherwise accountable may be sorely fooled or tragically surprised to find out otherwise.</p>
<p>^^ I have some oceanfront property in Phoenix to sell you!</p>
<p>Bamagirls- You don’t know my history, but trust me that you have NO idea what kids are doing. I had the experience of meeting many families who were the parents of struggling teens and had chosen emotional growth programs to help. Some of these families had 3 totally straight-arrow kids and maybe one who was out of control. All were parented in the same household. You can not even imagine the pain and heartache these families suffered. They tried everything. So don’t go talking about seeking boundaries and limits. You simply don’t know what is going on out there.</p>
<p>
But it’s more than that. Our culture sends the most ridiculously mixed messages on alcohol. It’s totally glamorized on TV and in movies, and our leaders, including Presidents of both parties, drink openly. And then we try to tell kids–and even people who are otherwise adults–that it’s some kind of horrible “bad choice” for them to do what they see their role models doing. Personally, I think we should treat drinking much more like we treat driving, as something that you transition into, with education and training, as you go from youth to adulthood.</p>
<p>And from Lancaster County, about 1/2 mile from my home</p>
<p>[Woman</a> charged in teen’s death - News](<a href=“http://lancasteronline.com/article/local/313423_Woman-charged-in-teen-s-death.html]Woman”>http://lancasteronline.com/article/local/313423_Woman-charged-in-teen-s-death.html)</p>
<p>I know one of the kids involved in this incident. Her sister was a lifeguard at the same pool as my daughter when they were in high school. </p>
<p>In the OP’s situation nothing went wrong. As I said in my original post, I am very cautious because both my husband and I are in education - he is at a local college, I do a variety of things as a school psychologist. I really can’t afford kids breaking the law in my home. That may sound selfish, but it is my home and I would be very, very angry at my daughter doing something that would jeopardize our careers. If something had happened to one of the kids, if they had been pulled over for a traffic violation - I would have been under scrutiny. I may not have been charged with anything, but here in PA I have to regularly submit all sorts of documentation to work in different schools. </p>
<p>So, yes, I would call.</p>
<p>Oh, and do I agree with MoWC. My work has given me great humility. I often think - there but for the grace of god go I. It has also given me the ability to not wring my hands and wonder what I did wrong when D does something that is so different from what I would do.</p>
<p>I agree with the influence of the media, but who controls the tv…we do. The media plays to the lowest common denominator in what we are willing to watch. If we stopped watching the sponsors would stop sponsoring and the media would reboot.</p>
<p>As far as transitioning into adulthood I believe the law has it right. At eighteen they can vote and become legally responsible for their actions. That doesn’t relinquish our responsibility as parents completely. They aren’t ready for that. By 21 they have learned whether mommy and daddy will continue to bail them out and most have fully developed brains by then and are mature enough to make their own decision about drinking. Unfortunately, we have 40 something and up parents who still don’t get it and think they are so responsible they couldn’t be a problem on the road after a drink or two. The truth is, many of the same people are the self-absorbed drivers you’ll see texting, eating, applying makeup, etc. while driving. It shows a complete disregard for public safety and the other human life they careless endanger.</p>
<p>It is shameful to have no regard for others.</p>
<p>Good grief no wonder some kids are so irresponsible with alcohol. If it’s treated like it’s the devil then what’s the difference between taking one shot or ten? They’re already doing something very very wrong so why moderate?</p>
<p>I need to thank my parents later for teaching me to treat alcohol with respect rather than treating it like a terrible sin.</p>
<p>And no, I’m not saying that all kids who get in trouble with alcohol have strict parents nor that lenient parents don’t have problem children.</p>
<p>I am reminded of the time that I was about 20 years old and I was the designated driver for a party at frat house. It was summer, so a bunch of us college kids were home. One of the 20 year old girls got pukie sick, I drove her home, she puked at the front door. Her parents called my parents to complain…even tho the girl insisted that I had not been drinking/driving… the parents insisted that I be punished in some way! I can’t remember exactly what my mom said to the other mom, but it was along the lines of that fact that she had no business calling her because I hadn’t been drinking (my mom knew I was sober because she always waited up for her kids…probably to do a eye/breath check and to see if any clothing looked too disheveled!! lol). </p>
<p>However, since I’m French/Italian, my parents had been letting us drink wine with spaghetti dinners and champagne at Christmas, New Years, and Easter since as long as I can remember…and no alcoholics in my family…none. and no DUIs.</p>
<p>
But the vast majority of American adults drink alcohol. Why would you expect them to stop watching TV shows that depict it? This is my point–do we actually think that it’s perfectly OK for a person who is 21 years and one day old to drink, but a “bad choice” for somebody who is 20 years and 364 days old to do so? It’s nuts, in my opinion. That’s why I would favor a stepped system, as we do with driving.</p>