<p>Your nephew’s story of dropping out in senior year is a familiar one in the college biz, kelsmom. I’d dare say MOST children aren’t ready for college at 17 or 18. Some can grow up very fast and succeed beyond their expectations. Some crash and burn first semester. Unfortunately for their bank accounts and education, some realize that their career path is not for them sometime in between or after they graduate. Few get the most out of what a college offers when they first arrive. It ain’t thirteenth grade, and it’s not free. The debt they acquire often is a crushing psychological burden that incapacitates them (remember that this is the first generation to have to deal with debt that ranges from a new car loan to a mortgage): they feel they have to go on because they’ve invested so much/they feel they have to quit because they’ve invested so much. I’ve seen children go into deep depression over this issue.</p>
<p>If students need to interrupt their college careers to work awhile before or during, what is lost? Parents go all hinky about they’re never going back. Parents need to have a little more faith in their child and child-rearing. There’s no script out there that fits every student. Many children do not reach cognitive and emotional maturity, at least enough of it to excel in college, until their twenties. If parents cannot support their child interminably, then let them know what the limits of your resources are and make clear your expectations. </p>
<p>Okay, I’ll get off my soapbox, but one more word of caution to parents: take their complaints seriously when you hear them. Give your adult children permission to seek medical help if they find themselves suffering from lengthy periods of sadness and/or hopelessness, heightened irritability, repeated anxiety, persistent aches and pains, inability to leave their rooms, weight gain or loss, or similar worrisome symptoms.</p>