Should I stay or should I go?

College Confidential Community
1

Hello everyone. I’m new to CC, but I think this is the right place to post.

tl;dr - “non-traditional” student with depression/anxiety, torn between moving back home with aging parents to focus on school or to stay where I am now.

I’m a student in my mid-twenties with depression/anxiety. I’ve been in college off and on since I graduated HS, but my mental illness got worse before it got better and ruined every area of my life, so I’ve spent a lot of time trying to fix things.

Once I recovered, I moved out of my parents’ home to a different part of the state. I now work an office job and would really like to get serious about school. My ultimate goal is to get a degree in accounting and to work for the non-profit sector, specifically mental health outreach.

I really want a degree, but my previous college history is a disaster. It’s so bad, I’ve been hesitant to see a counselor because I’m afraid they’ll tell me that college may not be the right choice for me. At the moment, I can only handle 1 hard class on top of working full time. Any more, and my performance suffers. I barely have enough energy just to live, let alone volunteer for a mental health organization, intern for an accounting firm, or minor in music.

Meanwhile, back at home, my parents are aging, and my father isn’t doing very well. I’m thinking of moving back home to be with them. They want me to be done with school just as badly as I do, so I’m considering a temporary leave from the workforce while I focus on school. That way, I can get done quicker. Right now, I barely make enough to take care of myself. If I get a good job after graduation, then I’ll be able to take care of my parents the way they took care of me.

However, I’m torn. I don’t like the idea of being my age and not working, but I know myself well enough to know that I can’t do well in both school and work and expect to get done in a timely fashion. Plus, while it has been tough, I’m doing well for myself in my new location. I’m not sure if it would be good for me to go home when I’ve worked so hard to get to where I am now.

What do you guys think? Any help would be greatly appreciated.

2

It’s hard to judge. Can you answer a few questions?

  • What is your major?
  • How close are you to done?
  • What is your financial situation?
3

Hello! Thanks for commenting.

Major - Business Admin w/ Concentration in Accounting
Time til graduation - maybe 3 years if I go full time… obviously much longer if I go part-time
Financial situation - Self-sufficient, but barely

4

There is a lot in this post that isn’t said, so I am likely to ask questions more than anything else.

The first question is: What have you done to deal with your depression? Have you seen a psychologist and/or psychiatrist and if so what has come of it? Depression is very common. Treatment for it has improved tremendously over the years. However, it can still take a while to get the treatment correct. Also, sometimes patients don’t “click” with the first counselor and have to try other’s before finding the right person to help you deal with your depression.

Once that it dealt with, the next two questions might be: Do you know what you would want to major in at university? What sort of budget do you have? Can your parents help with the cost of education?

It is not unusual for students to go back to university in their mid 20’s or later (sometimes much later) and do very well. Older students often have a better idea what they want to study, and have a better idea why they want to study. This can lead to better motivation and a clearer direction towards whatever degree makes sense in each case. I think that it is very difficult to both work full time and also take enough university classes to make a reasonable amount of progress towards a degree. Thus if the finances work then you might want to think about whether to go back full time.

One thing that I can say as an older parent: I know that I am not going to live forever. I am fine with that and it doesn’t worry me at all. Before I go I would like my kids to be solidly on their feet and on track for an appropriate career. I have no idea what you mean by “my father isn’t doing very well” nor do I have any idea what his finances look like. However if I were in his shoes I think that getting you on track would be more important to me than getting myself on track.

I am thinking that there is much here for you to talk about with your parents.

5

@DadTwoGirls I was seeing both a psychologist and a psychiatrist before I moved out, and it really helped. I’m not anymore, though, since I’m no longer covered by my parents’ amazing health insurance. However, I’m still on medication, and that has been working very well for me.

I’m currently majoring in Accounting. Ultimately, I’d like to work for the accounting/finance department of a non-profit organization, specifically mental health outreach. At the moment, I’m already working as an admin for a non-profit and handle some bookkeeping responsibilities.

I barely make enough to support myself, and I definitely don’t have enough savings to live off of while in school. My parents can and are more than willing to support me and finance my education, but to be honest, I’m very proud (just like my dad lol), and I’ve been trying NOT to ask for their help. They helped me while I was mentally unstable, and the whole point of me moving out was to relieve them of some financial responsibility.

My dad was in the hospital last week for nephrotic syndrome and congestive heart failure. He’s at home now, but in his early 70’s, I know he won’t always be ok.

6

“My parents can and are more than willing to support me and finance my education, but to be honest, I’m very proud (just like my dad lol), and I’ve been trying NOT to ask for their help.”

I think that you need their help to finish your education. You now are ready to do so.

I have argued that dads are like the lower stages of rockets: We are big, noisy, powerful, but our main task in life is to make sure that our kids are sent on their way successfully. You need your parents help one more time. You should let your parents do this for you if they are willing and able.