I am facing a huge dilemma; deciding whether or not to leave my home state for college (as most students my age). With nothing else considered, I would absolutely love to go out of state. I think it would be an incredible opportunity and I am already planning on applying to 15-20 colleges. However, I am terrified to leave my loved ones. I am very close with my father, and I have been with my amazing boyfriend for 4 years. I am incredibly torn - I want to leave but I want to stay. Any tips, motivation, or advice?
It is generally a lot easier to stay. Cheaper tuition, cheaper travel, often credits earned in high school are accepted by a state college. Most college students attend colleges close to home and save money.
- 15-20 colleges is a LOT- and probably too many to do well.
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You are actually changing and growing really fast right now (especially your brain)… April You is going to look back at September You and be amazed how much you have grown- and you will grow at least that much again for the next year.
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“Out of State” can mean a lot of things. I have lived in one state and driven to work every day in a different state- 15 minutes away
In large states, other states can be nearer than the other end of the same state.
4). Most importantly, there is no decision to make until you actually have acceptances (w/ costs) in hand.
So. Take a deep breath, focus on getting yourself a good set of choices for next spring, and let April You deal with this. S/he will be better able for it!
From your other thread, you think that you will be paying 100% of your college bills. That is an exceptionally hard thing for a student to do these days, and will certainly massively shape your options. For example, depending on your state and your stats, staying in-state may be your only economically viable option- or it might not be a very good option at all.
There are schools that ‘meet need’, where they decide how much you can afford, and give you a package to cover the difference- but some of those places rely on parent loans + student loans, and most of them take your financial need into account when making the admission decision. There are other programs that give automatic scholarships based on stats. Sort out what your EFC is, come back with your stats / profile, and there are a lot of people on CC who will be happy to help you identify a range of possibilities for you.
There’s nothing wrong with staying near loved ones. During junior year, DD’19 was set on going away. She was sick of some of the social scene at HS. She felt as a top student people expected her to go somewhere special. And she wanted to be different and get a “wow” reaction from others. We had a small budget though. We looked around, we visited a school that had excellent merit but was a plane ride with three hour layover away. About two weeks after that visit she told me it felt too far away. It was good for her to feel it in person, handle the travel, and think about how it would feel to be dropped off and hear, “See you at Christmas!”
She still struggled with the idea of local vs. somewhere cool, like the mountains. We talked about how she could do college closer, save money, and live somewhere cool in her adult life, when she didn’t have to deal with moving out of a dorm every summer.
As senior year went on, she became more sentimental about friends, family, pets, and yes, a new boyfriend. Things changed a lot during senior year! She ended up only 90 miles away (though it is OOS). It is about an hour from her boyfriend’s house. She is really enjoying being able to come home when she wants, and have her boyfriend come down for visits, yet she is also able to be as independent as she wants. She’s involved in theatre, and going to do some intramural sports and church groups so ability to come home isn’t hampering her college involvement either.
Is your boyfriend going to college too?
I hope you find something that works out for you in all aspects!
Terrified is a very over the top word. If it’s terrifying, I suggest you see a counselor who can help you gain some perspective. Going to college doesn’t mean you are permanently cutting yourself off from your family. Your family won’t forget about you when you go to college. As for your boyfriend, if it’s meant to be, your relationship will endure the separation. (Realistically, and I’m sorry to be a realist, it isn’t likely that this is the person you are meant to spend your life with. And if he is, then it will happen, regardless of distance.)
The most important consideration here is YOU. Do you want to regret not doing what you’ve longed to do, because you’re worried about your family and boyfriend? Trust me, your family will support your decision. They want to see you grow and mature. They want you to find what matters to you. Your boyfriend should want the same.
I am closer now with my daughter than I was before she went to college five hours away, out of state. Being incredibly close to your father is not going to change.
I personally know five couples who dated in high school, went off to separate colleges, even dated other people, and ended up back together, married with kids. Trust me, if you are meant to be together, distance will only increase your mutual appreciation.
I’m sure you’ve heard the saying “Absence makes the heart grow fonder.” It’s 100% true. Don’t let your ambitions be thwarted by unfounded and speculative worries. Don’t live a life of regrets.
Based on your budget, always, there’s no reason why you can’t apply to nearly options and affordable ones further away. You don’t have to make a final decision until May 1. You have a lot of time to work out where you want to go in the end. It’s not so black and white as you think now, nor can you make a decision until you know what your true options are.