Hello!
I need a really strong essay because I am applying to top tier schools (Cal, UCLA, Ivies, Stanford, etc) and my test scores are (below) average for these schools (think low 700’s, 32 ACT as of now).
I am most interested in the Common App prompt about the transition from childhood to adulthood (similar to the UC prompt about overcoming your most significant challenge). I originally intended to write about a family issue and how that has affected my values, work ethic, worldview, and learning attitude/mindset; however, I just read in a college advice book that this is probably not a good idea because it can be whiny and/or “raise questions about your mental stability or ability to deal with hardships maturely”.
This issue involves a significant event from when I was 9-10 years old, followed by a series of negative consequences (family member w/ mental illness, instability, emotional abuse), one of which is no primary family income in the last 2 years. Colleges will see that in my report about my financial background, and I want to offer an explanation and the story behind it.
I want to write about this event/topic primarily because it is a critical aspect of my upbringing and has affected who I am as an overall person/thinker and reveals a lot about my personality and my personal growth. It has not affected my academic performance as a student (I have a 4.0 unweighted/4.8 weighted GPA), so I wouldn’t be explaining “a dip in my profile”. In the essay, I would explain how this situation has shaped me into a stronger, wiser individual, rational thinker, hard worker, open-minded, empathetic person, etc with brief examples from personal and academic settings. I believe I can write about it in a way that demonstrates I have dealt with this hardship maturely.
BUT- my worries are: Is this too risky? Is writing about family dysfunction taboo? Will admissions readers roll their eyes/dismiss it? Should I just write about something else? I have a lot of activities/leadership positions that I could pull from, but I don’t know if they convey as much about my personality in an original/unique way. Should I just address this aspect of my life in the “Additional Comments” section and/or have my counselor include it in the school report?
Thanks in advance sorry this was long!
Actually, the examples are the important part and shouldn’t be ‘brief’. Your essay should be able to show your progression so you don’t end up writing things like “I am wiser now”. Given the space constraints, you may be better off focusing on one aspect you want to highlight and show before and after behaviors related to that, illustrating your progression; otherwise this could end up as a bunch of generic statements about overcoming family issues (and there are many such essays submitted). While the obstacles you have overcome are substantial, the essay is not about them; it’s about how you changed in some way. Your guidance counselor can write something separate providing details about the particulars involved if that is appropriate.
Thank you so much. This was really helpful.
Your topic would fit in perfectly with Personal Insight #5:
http://admission.universityofcalifornia.edu/how-to-apply/personal-questions/freshman/
- Describe the most significant challenge you have faced and the steps you have taken to overcome this challenge. How has this challenge affected your academic achievement?
However, you have three other Personal Insight questions to answer. The UC’s use 14 comprehensive review criteria in evaluating freshman candidates. Look over the criteria and make sure your other Personal Insight questions answer what makes you special in terms of what the UC’s are looking for.
http://admission.universityofcalifornia.edu/freshman/how-applications-reviewed/
i have the same question as OP but how do you orient it more towards the stanford supplement questions?
and on the common app, as a transfer we dont have the ‘transition to adulthood’ question (which is a bit silly since transfers tend to be more mature/older/adults" we just have the ‘why do you want to transfer’ question
i dont know how i can share my story with them.
If these family problems made you strong and iron willed then you should definitely write an essay about it. But keep in mind that the focus should be on your transformation into mature adult and not on the plethora of problems your family had to face when you were young.
I wanted to make a quick point about the premise of needing a strong essay. It is important to understand where a great essay can make a difference. Admissions committees start with scores and grades. They all but eliminate students whose numbers are too low and who do not have a special “hook,” such as star athlete. They then have a new pool of applicants, all with the “right” grades and scores. To determine which students to admit from the new pool, they turn to the essay and other things that will show who you are. This is where the great essay helps. On the other hand, a great essay will not compensate for numbers below the school’s norms. So schools miss out on a lot of great people. This is sad. But it is true.
I note this not to be discouraging. My point is to be sure that your college list includes a few schools where a great essay can have the proper impact.
Separate thought about your actual essay. There is a pyramid of importance to the essay. The Common App is the first that gets read. And it is the longest. (UC’s new structure is an exception). So my advice is to put your best essay material here. Do not save it for later.
For the substance of your essay, you will find different advice is different books. My two cents are that as long as the focus of your essay is you and your growth, the family story becomes the context, rather than the topic. Risky is good! I say go for it!!!
I hope this is helpful.
Chris
@Chris63 How do colleges define the “right” (benchmark?) test scores? 50th percentile?