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My daughter is wonderful and has dedicated her life until recently to excelling in school so she can succeed and be a passionate elementary school teacher. She is still (just?) around the top of her class and has one more year of A-levels to go,
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maybe some day she'll come out of it. but after 3 years i am having difficulty coping myself!
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@silverwoman In your same first post, you wrote the above. You open by indicating that “until recently” things were going well. Then you conclude your post by indicating that this has been going on for 3 years (virtually her whole time in high school). It sounds like the truth is that your D has been suffering for a long time.
After reading your past posts/threads, I have to wonder if she may feel like “the weight of the family” is upon her. You and she are low income, and it appears (to me) that you’re expecting her to pull you both out of poverty by getting into a TOP US school (like Harvard or Williams), you’ll move with her to the US, and then she’ll graduate and have her career…and what? Support you both? I know that isn’t what you’ve exactly said, and maybe I’m reading too much “between the lines,” but that is the feeling that I’m getting. It may also be the feeling that your DD has had for these past 3 years. “Mom is poor, and I’m the star student, so I’m supposed to be the family savior.” If that’s what she’s feeling, that’s a lot for a kid to handle. She may feel like she’s going to fail before she’s even begun.
Her father has never been in her life; his name isn’t even on her birth cert. As much as we’d all love to believe that those things don’t matter to children, they can mean a lot. There can be a feeling of, “he didn’t even think enough of me to insist on acknowledging that he’s my father.”
If it’s just been the two of you as a family, and you plan on moving with her when she goes to college, she may feel that you two are “attached at the hip”. Is that fair to her?
Even this thread screams to me, “I’m counting on moving to the US with my DD when she goes to college, so by golly, she’s going to apply or I’m going to apply for her.”
Both of you need to get into therapy. Yes, do also talk to your priest. Your diocese may offer some sort of counseling or be able to direct you.
When she had that BPD friend, that also could have left many “bruises”. BPD folks are shockingly abusing. They truly can leave you feeling like there’s only a shell left.
All therapy is not bad. You and her just haven’t yet found the right therapist.