I just started practicing for the Writing Section. The essay has always been the hardest part for me mostly because of time restriction. I just finished writing this essay and I was wondering if someone could grade it accordingly/give me some suggestions. I graded it myself but I don’t think I gave it an accurate grade!
Also, please keep in mind that English is my second language, so any suggestions about how I might improve my writing are welcomed.
Thank you.
PROMPT: Should people make more of an effort to keep some things private?
Privacy is the mechanism by which humans maintain their individuality. Who hasn't had the desire, or even need, to spend a private afternoon to share with one self? Through our private time, we have the opportunity to develop our own individual selves: keeping some aspects of our lives secret is a defense mechanism that protects our persona rather than hide contemptuous realities. For this reason, making an effort to keep things private is absolutely necessary.
This idea is showcased in literature through Basil Hallward, a rather solitary character in Oscar Wilde's dark novel "The Picture of Dorian Grey." Basil expresses his doubts about sharing his most recent paintings with the world because he fears that the beholders would see too much of himself in it and scrutinize his deepest thoughts. The fear of becoming vulnerable before the public is what drives Basil to hide his most precious work of art, which poses serious threats to his reputation as an artist but keeps his identity intact.
Protecting one's individuality by keeping some things private is common in the realm of artistic expression. Frederic Chopin, a 19th century pianist and composer, understood the benefits of privacy. Having reached the zenith of musical genius and enjoying its repercussions, it is said that Chopin performed as little as thirty times in his lifetime. This behavior was driven party because of his shyness, but mostly by his desire to romanticize his art by keeping it mysterious. He claimed that when something was recognized by everyone, that thing lost its mystical component, thus becoming mundane. He praised the idea of mystery and longed for the melancholic reaction after hearing an unknown piece for the first time.
Humanity has lost its sense of individuality, claiming that if one hides something, then it must be because of one's fear of rejection. However, when our secrets are shared, we become vulnerable to the public's scrutiny. In order to keep one's sense of individuality, one must make an effort to fight society's need to share one's secrets and learn how to lock them in a place where only one has access.