<p>I'm having trouble "showing" and not "telling" in my personal narrative.</p>
<p>Would any one be willing to read my paper and give me detailed suggestions on how to make the reader see what I am describing rather than being dictated to by the narrator?</p>
<p>I am pretty sure I have all the details done, the quality and quantity are there... just that I have been told by many that I tell more than I show. </p>
<p>This is a completely different draft than my previous one.</p>
<p>Either post here or shoot me a private message saying that you would be willing to read it!</p>
<p>i was having the same problem till i did a complete overhaul of my essay, i can probably provide some pointers that i received while writing my essay.</p>
[quote]
I cannot tell you, words cannot describe, how it felt to be there, literally melting in the heat, bodies so close we inhaled each other's breath, loving each other so much, so universally and with such intensity that tears streamed from my eyes. Isn't this the vision? Isn't it this what people have worked for for hundreds of years, and certainly in recent memory: For civil rights. For freedom. For an end to war. For a world of justice. For a life of shared plenty.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>Can you see it? Yes? Thats what you call "showing"</p>
<p>Anhtimmy- Yes I understand how that passage 'shows' rather than 'tells'... I don't know, it is just really hard for me to self-edit my own paper to include that great of narration</p>
<p>well my teacher always told me to write as if you paint.
and I think it is good to imagine yourself as a painter :)
but do not squeeze in metaphors and similes too much- they only make the essay unpleasant to read and unappealing</p>