"Show, not tell" -- Anyone want to help?

College Essays
1

<p>I'm having trouble "showing" and not "telling" in my personal narrative.</p>

<p>Would any one be willing to read my paper and give me detailed suggestions on how to make the reader see what I am describing rather than being dictated to by the narrator?</p>

<p>I am pretty sure I have all the details done, the quality and quantity are there... just that I have been told by many that I tell more than I show. </p>

<p>This is a completely different draft than my previous one.</p>

<p>Either post here or shoot me a private message saying that you would be willing to read it!</p>

<p>Thank you to anyone willing to help :-)</p>

2

<p>i was having the same problem till i did a complete overhaul of my essay, i can probably provide some pointers that i received while writing my essay.</p>

3

<p>Hum… read this

</p>

<p>Can you see it? Yes? Thats what you call “showing”</p>

4

<p>I sent it to you Luo, thanks</p>

<p>Anhtimmy- Yes I understand how that passage ‘shows’ rather than ‘tells’… I don’t know, it is just really hard for me to self-edit my own paper to include that great of narration</p>

5

<p>GO ahead…pm!</p>

6

<p>well my teacher always told me to write as if you paint.
and I think it is good to imagine yourself as a painter :slight_smile:
but do not squeeze in metaphors and similes too much- they only make the essay unpleasant to read and unappealing</p>

7

<p>Wow! Great example Anhtimmy</p>

<p>I’m also having a GREAT deal of trouble getting mine to show and not tell~</p>

<p>But I just found out the Common apps long-take doesn’t have a word limit (or does it?) so now I can expand more! (Thank goodness). </p>

<p>So “show” means more tangible narration? Or does it mean factual evidence of an accomplishment?
[still unclear]</p>