showing not telling. need help!

College Essays
1

<p>hey guys</p>

<p>as the deadline for early decision/action approaches, i'm looking to perfect my common application essay
i have an anecdotal essay that talks about a transformation in my outlook on certain aspects of life
just looking to make my first half more interesting through minor transformations of "telling" to "showing" so the admissions counselors get to my good second half </p>

<p>P.S. - i'd prefer it if you weren't a senior in high school</p>

<p>thank you!!!!</p>

2

<p>bump! 10char</p>

3

<p>If you are still looking for someone to read your essay you can pm it to me. I will be happy to give you feedback.</p>

4

<p>I would be happy to look at it…I am a mom of two college kids, done plenty of proofreading. pm me if still want another look at it.</p>