For the essay, how do I show that a certain experience affected who I am, or how it contributes to my identity?
I was thinking about just giving some examples, but will adcoms know that this example is meant to show hard work, this other one is used to show his willingness to try new things etc.?
It depends on what examples you give and how they are inferred. After you write it, show it to someone you trust to make sure your point is getting through to the reader.