So yes i am a shy person. I hate public speaking. My first week at college has just ended and i would say it was pretty akward. I didnt know anybody. I made 2-3 acquaintances but no friends with whom i can have free conversation, share stuff and have fun. Being a shy and introverted socialising is heck of a job. Sometimes i doubt myself whether something is wrong with me or am i boring. Cos extroverts just know how to make frnds. My main question is that is it fine if you havent found your group of friends in the first week of collg cos i already see many ppl hanging around and i feel being left out. This is just not my cup of tea. Is it just me or many ppl struggle making frnds?!
In the classes, when we have discussions, being a shy person i dont interact much. I just cant do it in front of so many strangers. Fear of being judged always haunts me.
Pls help me out here.
You will find your friends. I know it is difficult being shy and it takes time to build true friendships but it will happen. You seem to me like the kind of person who will be a true friend and not just one of those people who make friends on the surface but don’t get to know people.
I would recommend finding some clubs or activities that interest you. That is a great way to meet people and to have something in common to start the conversation going. Many schools have activity fairs early in the semester do I encourage you to go and see what interests you.
Many people struggle with this. You are definitely not alone. You will find friends and I know when you do they will value your friendship.
Thats really kind of you. Yes i have joined some clubs. I hope everything works out in the end. I just want few friends who understand me and help me out. I dnt care abt the quantity.
Often friendships are built on shared experiences. One week in you haven’t had much time to share experiences. As you spend time in classes and work through study sessions and projects or as you participate in club or school events -those relationships will form. If you are living on campus you’ll also begin to find people who eat at the same time as you, go to the library or maybe a church the same time, etc. Don’t be afraid to put yourself out there a little, but my bet is that time will draw you to a few close friends. Good luck!
I think expecting new good friends is setting yourself up for failure. There are lots of threads every year from all types of students worrying that they don’t have a friend group after only a short time. I didn’t make good friends until at least half way through my first semester. Being an introvert does mean you aren’t going to feel as comfortable at the big group, ra-ra events where social butterflies thrive. Lower your expectations. As poster above noted, you will make friends as you get into classes, groups you enjoy, club meetings where it’s more one on one.
Just remember you are not alone. It’s easy in the case of introverted or shy people to assume everyone else but you is making friends. That’s not true. In fact some that seem so in the swing may just be better at putting up a brave front. So look for the people in your dorm that are sitting alone at meal time or the ones that seem to be following along in a class but not jumping in. Part of being an introvert is just understanding how you make friends and how you navigate social situations - but it doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy being involved in things.
Being shy is slightly different. Even though not your main question, I would encourage you to try and speak up in class. Visit professors during office hours to ask questions and try to get comfortable and confident in your abilities. Challenge yourself to speak to someone new each day. And again, let things happen at your own pace. You will make friends.
The kind of friends you want take more than a week to make. In the meantime, keep building on your circle of acquaintances. Eventually some of them will become your close friends.
If fear of speaking is making you miserable, consider using campus mental health. Many kids are naturally quiet or take time to warm up to their surroundings. If after a month or so you are speaking much less than you did in high school, that would not be healthy for you.
Wait college for you has already started? Or is this summer school?
My S was quiet when he started college. It took him time to find “his people” there. Give yourself a chance – friendships don’t form overnight. Keep reaching out to new people and stay involved in clubs/activities that interest you and it should work out fine.
@Kris5i yes my college has started. Well i am from india. So here the collg starts by july or beginning of August.
You sound like my daughter who will be a sophomore in college. She is a shy introvert and finds small talk to be tiring and difficult. For a couple of months I had a lot of unhappy texts and phone calls. Expect things to be tough for a few months. You don’t make real friends in a week or even two. My daughter is shy and was frankly very miserable until the end of October. Then things began to fall into place. What you are experiencing is normal.
Having said that, while it’s important to have some alone time, you will have to force yourself out of your comfort zone. Don’t suddenly try to be an extrovert. Take it easy. As you get more comfortable on campus, be brave and start adding to class discussions. Meet with your professors to discuss your grades and ask questions. Go to events even if you aren’t interested in them. Get out of your comfort zone little by little as you get to know the campus and have more acquaintances. This is something you have to work on, and also something you have to get through.
I would absolutely agree with others that you can’t expect to make close relationships in the first week. Aside from that, it’s kind of normal to have some shaky feelings during that time. It’s a high stress. And you and everyone else are just focused on adjusting. So you’re more likely to make connections with people as you settle into the school year.
As somebody who was quite introverted myself at least at that time, I found that it was necessary to watch out for loneliness turning into depression during the adjustment… if you find yourself thinking too far down, don’t hesitate to use campus Mental Health Services. They can help a great deal.
Quiet thoughtful people can be a bit slower than most to get to know friends, and it takes everyone a while (certainly longer than a week). I am glad to hear that you are getting involved in some clubs / activities.
One thought: See if you can find other quiet, shy people and seek them out and try to have a chat with them. Find out where they are from, what they want to major in, what they like to do, and how they think they are doing in a new school.
Over time this will get better. Good luck and best wishes.
I was / am also a pretty shy and introverted person.Trust me, you’ll eventually find a group of friends.
I don’t know how your school is set up, but my strategy was to spend most of my time in one of the common lounges in my building. People had to walk by to get to their rooms which gave me an opportunity to say hi and make small talk. Eventually others started hanging out in the lounge with me and we all became reasonably close.
As others have said, joining clubs and organizations is a great way to meet people.