<p>I'm transferring from a massive, west-coast state university to a small, private east-coast liberal arts college in a couple of weeks, and I'm terrified.</p>
<p>I've gone to rather sheltered, small, private/chartered schools for most of my life. I graduated high school in a class of fiftysomething students. Advised to try something new, I spent my freshman year at a state university with 70,000 undergraduates and an insurmountable reputation for partying. The size of the school, the hordes of people, the quality of education and the inescapable party scene was too much for me, and I applied to and was accepted by a smaller school that is a lot more my type. However, I'm becoming increasingly more nervous for the coming semester.</p>
<p>I know my new school will solve a lot of my academic problems, but there is still one obstacle. I discovered at state school that I am a bit of a shy person. I went to the same school (middle/high) for six years, and the school was tiny, so I never really learned how to make friends. Most of the time, it just happens, when you're with the same people every day. However, I know college isn't like that. I usually don't know what to say to strangers, and I have a hard time putting myself out there to meet people. I find it difficult to engage in genuine conversation with people until I've known them for a couple of weeks; in my small town, I am notorious for being uncomfortable around coworkers until at least a month into the job. However, I'm a horrible judge of character, and considering the rather faced-paced social style of college, I don't think anyone I meet will be willing to give me a "trial period". Especially considering that I will be coming into a school where most of my peers will already have their own friend groups, I'm so nervous that I won't make friends. Any advice?</p>
<p>You’re going someplace exciting and new. You can be whoever you want to be there. </p>
<p>Most schools have a “club day” where all the campus clubs have tables on the lawn or in the student center and give out info on their club, along with food, t-shirts, etc. Go to that, go to other meet and greet opportunities. Smile, say hi to total strangers, sit back and people watch. </p>
<p>One of the strange things students always seem to worry about is that “everyone will already have their friend groups” as if we’ve all made our total life quota of friends in kindergarten and never acquire any new ones. </p>
<p>Here is an example of a recent exchange I had: D and I were touring a school in another state, some 400 miles from our home. It was a smallish group (maybe 12 students and their parents) in the presentation, and when they asked where people were from another girl said she was from our home city. We were assigned the same guide and while walking around the campus, I approached the Dad and asked aside what hs his D went to. We discovered we actually live about a mile apart, and had a running side conversation for most of the tour regarding our D’s, the college search, etc. </p>
<p>The point is, there are openings for connecting with people all the time. Take advantage of those. Do your best to look nice (clean, groomed, etc.), smile, and don’t be afraid to jump out there and speak to someone. Sometimes it will be a dead end, and sometimes you will make a new friend.</p>
<p>I was similar to you as a college student and attended a small, east coast college. I had a terrific experience. The key as suggested by the other commenter was to get involved in activities that really interest you–that’s the way you’ll make good friends and have fun. I also recommend getting involved in at least one athletic endeavor just to keep you healthy and happy. Enjoy!</p>
<p>If possible, it’s good to follow a thread about the college you’re attending to get a feel of what’s going on.</p>
<p>I didn’t transfer colleges and I went to a large high school but I knew of only 1 other person at college from my hometown. I had to either make new friends or be alone all four years! The prospect terrified me. Luckily I had an awesome LA teacher who gave some great advice for people like me. She said that if you PRETEND you’re not shy and go out and talk to people, they will respond and eventually you will meet people who mesh well with you. And you know what? It works!</p>
<p>It also works when you have to present things in front of a group, which is how the topic came about in class. If you pretend you’re not terrified you’ll do ok, even though it will come naturally to others. </p>
<p>I’m many many years out of college and I’m still shy. But I can talk to strangers when I have to and I still use that trick. And I’ve made some good friends along the way. Good luck to you.</p>
<p>Thanks a lot for the advice! I didn’t expect any response at all…yours all make me feel a little better.</p>
<p>I thought it might be helpful to say I’m transferring from Arizona State University in Tempe, AZ to Tufts University in Medford, MA. At ASU, I met a boy at orientation in the spring who I spent the summer chatting with, and in the fall, he almost literally dragged me hiding and homesick from my dorm room and introduced me to his friends. I remain very grateful to him for that, but it turned out that I shared very little in common with him and his friends, and when I realized that, I tried to meet new people, but felt increasingly stifled and discouraged because I tried to make friends in my massive classes. It took until summer study abroad for me to meet a group of girls who I really clicked with, again because we were put together (by chance) in a team and spent our first two weeks together doing groupwork. I’m still really nervous, but I’ll try my best to put myself out there. I never know what to say, so I tend to just nod and laugh awkwardly…</p>
<p>I am planning on doing theater and a cappella though. I met my best friend in high school through theater and choir; hopefully I can recreate the experience!</p>
<p>“you can be whoever you want” that is the best advice I’ve ever seen on this forum. You can, that’s partially why I left my hometown. I hated my imagine and I completely changed it at my new school.</p>