shyness

<p>meh... shyness, a big problem
anyone here used to be or still are shy?</p>

<p>i dunno, when i was growing up, i was the type that often kept quiet</p>

<p>however, i feel this is becoming a bit of a problem now... i keep quiet just because i feel comfortable like that, but some people interpret that as being "stuck up" or something negative like that</p>

<p>the problem is, when u keep quiet, ppl sometimes walk over you (mostly unintentionally)
like someone takes my chair and I don't say anything about it
even around people i know somewhat well, i have trouble doing speeches, and my face turns red periodically (this ****es me off alot)</p>

<p>i also dislike the idea of social gatherings, such as dances, parties, etc.</p>

<p>anyone else have this problem? anyone else know how to help me out?</p>

<p>P.S. I am not some kind of weird, creepy, anti social nerd, it's just a side effective of my upbringing</p>

<p>You and I are similar in that respect. I am quiet around people I don't know well. I barely talked in school until I was halfway through Kindergarten! :eek:</p>

<p>nope .</p>

<p>Oh sure. Blame the upbringing.</p>

<p>jk</p>

<p>I hav the same prob too unfortunately. I have no solution but let me know when u find one.</p>

<p>Heh, same here. I find it so much easier to type/write than to speak. But rr, no solution either.</p>

<p>I was very shy until somehow I ended up becoming best friends with somebody who was ASB at my High School... He got me hanging out with the ASB crowd, which tends to be farily vocal, and after enough time the shyness just went away.</p>

<p>Randomly though, public speaking has always been one of my favorite things to do, never had shyness issues with that!</p>

<p>I have the exact same problem. I am always very quiet and shy around people I don't know very well, but once I get to know them I can talk a lot. The teachers all thought that I never talked, but at the end of the year I changed a lot. Last year, I thought I was going to a different high school so I became very outgoing because I didn't care what other people thought of me, I would never see them again anyway. But, I ended up not switching high schools and I now am still pretty shy but not as painfully shy as I used to be. Anyways I don't have very much advice because I am still pretty shy, but when I just told myself I don't care what they think of me, it helped me and might help you. I hope this helps, and I know that shyness is for me one of the hardest habits I am trying to break.</p>

<p>Oh i completely understand where you're coming from. </p>

<p>Perhaps it's an indication of social anxiety?</p>

<p>But to be honest, I don't even know myself where to draw the line between shyness (which seems like a personality issue) and social anxiety (which is a less severe variation of social phobia).</p>

<p>I'm sorta like you. I'm not too keen on parties or anything but I don't fear hanging out with people I know (bascially I'm not into the whole alcohol party thing). However, I am the LOUDEST person EVER when it comes to defending my ish. Don't F' with me because you are surely gonna hear it from me and I don't care. It ****es me off when people get made fun of and stuff and don't do anything about it. My friends were bugging a ton in bio class for about 2 weeks and I put it off and asked them nicely to stop. I knew it was sorta joking and I did some stuff back but nothing compared to what they did. After about 2 weeks I had it and went Ron Artest on this one kid and he hasn't done anything since - that's what you gotta do.</p>

<p>I am really shy too. I am a senior and most of my friends that I spend time with outside of school are the same ones I have known since middle school. I play soccer and this year my coach made me a captain, so that could be a very difficult thing for me. I am hoping that might help me overcome my shyness, but my family and friends have tried so many things already and nothing has worked. I am hoping college and a fresh start will do the trick. If not, I will be four hours away from all my friends and thoroughly depressed.</p>

<p>I'm really shy around people I don't know, yet somehow I can muster up the courage to talk publicly and stuff like that. I just am bad at making close friends.</p>

<p>I'm pretty shy around people I don't know. I don't have a problem with public speaking though. I actually enjoy it. I just don't like being spontaneous, cause I always end up making someone mad or sad.</p>

<p>I used to be very shy - in junior high, I slowly volunteered myself to go first for presentations. The first few times I would trip over my words, talk a mile-a-minute, and panic. I kept challenging myself to go first from then and still do. I'm okay with public speaking now and talking to the class as a whole. </p>

<p>I'm not very good with meeting new people and having conversations with them though. I don't like it - it's uncomfortable and takes a bit of chit-chat before I'm able to feel like I can actually talk. In the beginning, I make really lame jokes and sometimes that works or I talk about various tidbits from the news or from stuff I've read. After that, I'm much more open. </p>

<p>(Also, when I do presentations, I just like to imagine that no one really gives a damn about what I have to say and that I'm really only talking to the teacher or a few associates or friends. That helps too. :o)</p>

<p>A lot of people are shy because they have a poor self image, like acne, blablah...</p>

<p>yeha, i think most shy ppl like ur are like that... i mean, amongst my friends, i say whatever i want, regardless if i look stupid or not, but when it comes to ppl i don't know, i really don't like blurting crap out, lest i appear stupid, so i shut up</p>

<p>i never shut up at home too, i always bug my mom and laugh at random stuff
i think my shyness or slight push over nature is worse because i am very nice (deep down, i pretend to be gruff alot, heh, well i guess to protect myself)</p>

<p>but seriously, upbringin and younger matters a great deal... i used to get made fun of in middle school (still hold some slight anger over this) and unconciously, that's where i think the shyness sorta stems from, and from that, a small bit of social anxiety and awkwardness</p>

<p>I have an idea for you: work with little kids, volunteer at a school/camp or something. They are complete strangers but they don't notice things like shyness etc. So you can practice not being shy, but it doesn't matter what they think. I know this is what people do to improve their reading out loud and speech making skills. I know it's a weird suggestion but it helped me a bit.</p>

<p>yeah i can sympathize too. I've always been pretty shy probably because of my upbringing. I think the most important thing to remember if you are trying to become more outgoing is to take it a step at a time, and don't beat yourself up over just being shy once or twice. I've become a lot more outgoing than before by first just talking a bit more to your friends, and then you move on to meeting more and more different people. Joining clubs and meeting outgoing people by joining ASB has definitely helped. Good Luck!</p>

<p>Whats ASB?</p>

<p>What I have learned is that shyness can come from fear...fear of looking silly, fear of making a mistake, fear of not being perfect, fear of having people laugh at you, fear of offending someone, fear of not saying the exact right thing, so saying nothing at all....
What worked with my D ( when she was wee) was just making her do things, IE asking for something at the store, complimenting someone, and not doing that for her.</p>

<p>All I can say, is think about what the worse thing that could happen if you talk to that person, speak up, ask questions. The worse thing that you think could happen is never as bad as you imagine. And each time you reach out, and extend yourself beyond your comfort zone, it will get easier for the next time. </p>

<p>Now is the time to try and make changes. Practice. Set a goal, of maybe once a day doing something that is a bit uncomfortable and makes you a little nervous. It can be very small, but each step taken forward is good. Think of it like exercising. You don't run a marathon the first day. You start slow but sure.</p>

<p>Its good you all are looking at yourselves and learning what makes you tick..</p>

<p>I was very shy as a teenager but don't appear so anymore. I know many adults like that. My son is very shy. I still don't enjoy big social gatherings or talking to strangers but if there's something I need or want to know, I have no hesitation in asking. I'm glad you started this thread. One of my son's teachers wrote a very wonderful and personal letter of recommendation for him. In it, she mentioned his shyness and I was wondering if that would hurt him. Now, I don't think so. I'm thinking that really smart kids have more of a likelihood to be shy as they get use to not fitting in and don't relate to most of their peers. OK, this was a ramble but I hope there's something in it for you.</p>