<ul>
<li>went Ron Artest on this one kid</li>
</ul>
<p>You mean you got scared, hid, and then decided to beat up someone smaller than you?</p>
<p>great topic ... </p>
<p>I would separate three things ... being introverted, being shy, and being assertive ...</p>
<p>Being introverted (at least in the sense Myers-Briggs defines it) means that you tend to like to be alone or in small grouos when you need to energize or regroup (and that being in big groups tend to be tiring). If you need space be sure you find space for yourself (single room perhaps). One can be introverted and not be the least bit shy and also be quite assertive.</p>
<p>Being shy (to me) is being hesident to meet or reach out to new people and new situations. While there is nothing wrong with being shy it definitely can limit one's experiences if they do not reach out as much as they could. For me, I have gotten more comfoartable reaching out as I've gotten older. There are lots of tricks to help with this ... for example, at a party set a goal to get to know one person you don't know (this is a specific reachable goal) as opposed to saying instead of being shy I'm going to meet lots of people at the party (unrealistic expectation). I am a lot more comfortable if I have a common interest/connection (you also play the piano) to discuss instead of just saying "hi" and hoping the conversation takes off from there.</p>
<p>Being assertive is another thing by itself ... for me this is the first of the three which I changed for the better. I was taught to do this in 3 steps ... 1) explain the behavior "when you do xyz" ... 2) explain how it effects you "I feel abc" ... 3) DO NOT expect the other person to change. The ironic thing in that advice ... if you clearly state your feelings without asking for a change the other person will often change their behavior just from understanding how their behavior effects you.</p>
<p>I used to be a really shy person but one day, I just woke up and said to myself, "What is the point of holding back from everybody? Besides, what do I have to lose by talking to girls and making new friends?" The answer was simple: nothing at all. Now, I'm one of the friendliest people at my school and I find it extremely easy to make new friends and ask out girls. The key is being confident and open, not holding things back or being quiet. Just be open and friendly but still be yourself and things will work out. And if you are ever hesitant to ask a girl out or enter into a situation in which you must be open and social, just ask yourself the same question I always ask myself: What the heck do I have to lose?</p>
<p>It depends on the situation, really. If I'm in front of someone/group I'm not really familiar with, I'll be shy. If I'm in front of someone/group that I am familiar with, I'm generally not shy.</p>
<p>Well, thats kind of expected. Obviously you will be comfortable and open in front of a familiar group. The hurdle that you need to conquer is your fear of new and unfamiliar people and situations. But the fact that you are new to them gives you a perfect opportunity to make a great first impression. And remember, a great first impression will make those new people look favorably on you. Just don't hold back. Be yourself because you have nothing to lose and if they like you, great. If they don't, they probably aren't worth hanging out with anyway.</p>
<p>good advice everyone! thanks!</p>
<p>im kinda introverted and shy at the same time. its always strangers who intiate the contact, and im just not good at meeting new people. once after i know them, though, i start to talk a lot and become open. i guess im limiting experiences, but thats part of me, my personality, kinda hard to change, no?</p>
<p>Just say what you think and don't worry about what people might think.</p>
<p>i used to be very quiet when i first came to the US, well, because i didn't speak very good english. but i'm still relatively quiet even now, except in my ap euro class where i feel comfortable enough to talk incessantly. also when i get really angry, i pull out my journal right then and there (i usually have it with me all the time) and start writing furiously...it makes the other party feel like he or she's not part of my exclusive one-on-one conversation. i feel better and more enlightened (because writing helps me organize my thoughts) afterwards, while the other person can only guess at what i'm writing about him or her...but sometimes, it's not even about the other person. i try to distract my mind from thinking negative thoughts. as i always tell myself, life is too short to be mad. plus, to me, anger=immaturity.</p>
<p>I was so shy when I was a child that I remember bursting into tears when my mom wanted me to buy a newspaper from a store that I hadn't entered before.</p>
<p>As an adult, however, I have been a professional public speaker (and have won awards for public speaking), and I am able to handle meeting new people in business and social events with ease.</p>
<p>What helped me was reading everything that I could get my hands on that was on the subject of overcoming shyness and developing social skills. I suggest the shyness.com web page. It didn't exist when I was young and needed it, but you are lucky that it exists for you.</p>
<p>It also helps if you push yourself to get out of your comfort zone. Shyness is one of the easiest emotional problems to overcome, but it does take getting out of your comfort zone. Step by step if you stretch your limits, things that are hard now will become easy.</p>
<p>It also can help to keep in mind that most people in the US describe themselves as shy. A lot of people who seem very outgoing consider themselves shy and are a bit scared of social interactions. What makes the difference between them and those who are obviously shy are that the less obviously shy people force themselves to interact with others.</p>
<p>It also can help to keep in mind that you probably are your worst critic. Most people are very afraid of being left alone at things like social events. Anyone who takes the time to talk to them is appreciated. </p>
<p>One last thing: I have also read that most people like shy people better than they like people who are extremely outgoing. Shy people tend to be kind and good listeners. Other people appreciate this. They aren't looking at you thinking that something is wrong with you.</p>
<p>I was really shy I guess. But then in 6th grade (in middle school) there was the first dance of the school year. I never considered ever going to those things, b/c I thought that I'd become a wallflower, etc... It was just NOT me. Then my friends really insisted that I come with them. So I did. And I accidentally became the life of the whole thing. HAHA... So ever since then, I've gained a lot of confidence, and is more outgoing...but sometimes I fall back into that shy mode. How do I avoid that mode??</p>
<p>In primary school I was teased for being "abnormally quiet" and as self-consciousness heightens in high school, so does fear of rejection and low self-esteem/shame, which seems to be the root issue. Social anxiety can lead to hypocritical misanthropy and more hurt for our sensitivity. After all you don't combat hate with hate but by being the bigger person- forgiveness and understanding. </p>
<p>I'm so shy that despite wanting to reach out I'll isolate myself, giving the impression I don't want anything to do with people when even the most introverted people need a stimulating balance of social contact. The frustrating thing is that people have told me they accept me but I still assume that if they were interested enough they would initiate every conversation and pretty much stalk me. We may do a disservice to those who need a lesson or two in openmindedness by restricting our true selves if we don't believe they have the potential to understand. </p>
<p>The difficulty in getting through to people is most conversations are too fast paced and superficial, the content is on an entirely different wavelength. My mbti type (INFJ) probably had a bearing on how acute shyness/mild social anxiety was reinforced by poorly relating to peers thus typically feeling misunderstood. If people give you a hard time for being introverted for instance it's probably not personal- just a reflection of the social bias in general. When people ask "how are you?" you're expected to either say "I'm fine" then talk about what you did on the weekend, what tv shows you watched etc whereas most of my thoughts gravitate towards more intuitive preoccupations which are too personal for a light-hearted setting. eg. spirituality, dreams, feelings etc. </p>
<p>I've fallen into the habit of resisting challenging others' perceptions of me because it's too embarrassing to 'shock and draw attention to myself'.. convincing yourself that you are wasting everybody's time when they're all yakking their tongues off to each other anyway and the intention to connect isn't negative. First impressions aren't everything, it's never too late to reinvent yourself. </p>
<p>We have to ask ourselves what is really at stake if someone is judging us.. constructive criticism has good intentions but bullying is an indication that the person is ignorant about their own sense of self-respect. In that sense wouldn't you pity people who choose to troll on others' self-expression? Why should it be any different for you? When you catch yourself judging someone harshly, wouldn't it be arrogant to think your own spite should hurt another person? Even if you "succeeded" the socially anxious person would prefer their own empathy whether they consciously realize it or not.
Stop replaying 'embarrassing moments' in your head and projecting that same intensity onto other people's memories. Paranoia leads us to believe everyone is scrutinizing and ruminating over our every move but most people have their own issues to worry about and forget much quicker than the incessant chip on our shoulder. </p>
<p>Maybe there is no magical advice but this quote sums it up quite powerfully:
"Brother let your heart be wounded, and give no mercy to your fear."</p>
<p>maybe you're just so used to being ignored that if someone actually took the time to notice you, you probably wouldn't know what to do... maybe if you actually opened up then you might take the gamble that someone might take an interest in you...then forget about you???
well, that's how i used to be/feel..i guess i'm still quiet, but i mainly don't talk a lot b/c i don't like saying a lot.. i tend to sound stupid if i talk too much. the only way to get over it is by talking and letting people know you're around and you ought to be taken seriously. </p>
<p>if you're going to college it will be easier especially if you go to a school where no one knows you. as for the stuck up/stupid thing, you can't change the way people think about you... its their opinion so there's not much you can do there.</p>
<p>I used to be extremely shy. I'm still shy I guess, but no where near as shy as I used to be. I really think it changed when I met my best friend a few years ago. She really helped me come out of my shell. I used to hate going to parties or places with a lot of people but she would always make me go with her. Eventually I just got used to it. I've met a lot of people thanks to her. Now I love going to parties :]</p>
<p>I'm not exactly sure what to tell you, but get out there. Go to parties or places that make you feel uncomfortable. You'll get over how awkward you feel, but it'll take time. Good luck! :]</p>
<p>I used to be really shy, and now I'm not that shy (still moments of awkwardness sometimes, but it's not that bad).</p>
<p>It's definitely possible to overcome your shyness...just hang out with more people, try to talk more, and be confident. From what I've seen, *many<a href="not%20all">/I</a> shy people have self-esteem issues about something, like "I feel inferior" due to something, when it's not usually a big deal.</p>
<p>I went from very outgoing to quiet, reserved. I don't know how/why the transition occured.</p>
<p>Let's hope the OP is not as shy now....... three years later....</p>
<p>I am painfully, painfully shy. I've been shy for my entire life, but I used to be one of those people who was shy around most people, and then extremely outgoing around their friends. Not anymore. Since I started high school[currently a junior btw], I have slowly become more and more shy. I'm drifting apart from almost all of my friends because I've become such a boring person to hang out with, and I struggle to keep a conversation going for more than a couple of minutes. It sucks, I hate it, and there's not a day that goes by where I don't miss my elementary and middle school days when I was actually able to get close to people. I'm eighteen years old and I've never had a boyfriend....
My shyness will be a disadvantage next year when I need to get letters of reccomendation, because in class I'm always that kid who sits in the back and barely talks, so none of my teachers will really have much to say about me.</p>
<p>I used to be really shy all throughout elementary school and middle school. I think it was just because I was more of an introverted person. Anyways, as soon as I entered high school, I became a lot more of an outgoing person; probably because I was involved in more school activities. I still have retained my introverted and shy self, but I am able to balance it with being extroverted as well. Just as a tip, you must be the one to "make the first move." In other words, you need to start the conversation, because chances are, no one else will. Also, join a sport or a club in school; you'll almost be forced to talk with others and become friends. :) Hope that helps.</p>
<p>I've been shy all my life and still am. It takes me a very long time to warm up to somebody in order to be comfortable around them. I'm not as shy with other kids (unless they're big, bad and intimidating) as I am with adults. It takes me a while to get comfortable around adults... but not so much for other kids.</p>
<p>I am not very well at conversing; sometimes I don't know the right thing to say. It's hard to explain. I usually try to plan the entire conversation out in my head so that I am ready and know how to handle it... but it rarely ever goes the way I planned :p</p>
<p>I also hate meeting new people. If my dad wants me to meet one of his friends or something, I am reluctant. My mindset is that I don't want to meet anybody that isn't necessary -- so obviously I have no problem meeting teachers, family members, etc.
I hate striking up conversation with people I don't know and will never see again -- people next to me in line somewhere; cashiers at stores; etc.</p>
<p>With friends, when I do get comfortable I become very outgoing. I'm pretty active, funny and easy to converse with... but only with those I know pretty well.</p>
<p>Hopefully I'll grow out of it. I'm in 9th grade now and I think I'm beginning to improve -- I think it's the high school environment that's bringing me out of my shell :)</p>