<p>We had a very similar issue, with something of a twist at the end.</p>
<p>Child 1 is very intellectual and analytical and very “lopsided” as a student – great achievement in some areas, mere adequacy in others. Her top choices were her parents’ alma mater and another, similar university, both of which had admission rates around 10% at the time. She had a lot going for her – the president of the local alumni association for the non-legacy university interviewed her, and called me up immediately afterward to tell me that she was the best candidate he had seen in a decade (and while we knew of each other, we had never met) – but she always recognized that both colleges were huge reaches. She was not admitted to either, but was admitted to another great university that everyone who knew her well considered a perfect match for her (and that was her pretty solid third choice).</p>
<p>Child 2 was a BWRK poster-boy who always jumped through all the right hoops. While nowhere near as naturally intellectual as his sibling, and not as accomplished in any field as she in her favorite, he cared a lot more what other people thought, and so he did extremely well in every class he took, and he made certain to take all the right classes. As a result, while never a threat to be #1 in his class, his class rank was always in the single digits (at a large school), and his test scores were somewhat better than his sib’s (which had been plenty good). Furthermore, in part because unlike her he spent four years at the same high school, he accumulated some meaningful leadership roles. He won boatloads of school prizes. He was considered a solid candidate for our alma mater and other single-initial colleges.</p>
<p>He applied to several, including our alma mater, but he gave a pass to his sib’s other top choice, certainly in part out of a sense of loyalty. She was a little grumpy about his relatively high status, which she attributed to brownnosing, but she was basically supportive. He also applied to her college, which he had loved since setting foot there when we delivered her for orientation, and which he rated above many more prestigious schools to which he applied.</p>
<p>In the end, he wasn’t accepted at any of the super-duper colleges either. He was a little rocked – he had good friends whose grades and scores were no better than his accepted at every college that rejected him, and there was little question that, for the first time ever, he had underperformed other people’s expectations. However, he was accepted at his sib’s college, which he had always had as one of his top choices. And he was also accepted at a top public university and offered a fabulous merit scholarship there. But he had never loved that college the way he loved his sib’s college. He could easily explain how they were different, in terms that reflected both his character and his family’s values. The problem was that even he admitted that the differences couldn’t possibly justify the price differential.</p>
<p>So there was our dilemma: We would have loved him to pick the much less expensive college, but had a great deal of trouble telling him that because he had worked harder than his sib and out-performed her, he couldn’t go to the college he liked most that had accepted him, which happened to be the college where his sib was. He knew perfectly well that we had been prepared (with difficulty) to pay for the preferred college if he hadn’t been offered a big scholarship elsewhere. We all agonized. In the end, we didn’t feel OK about telling him he had to go to the scholarship college, and he couldn’t let go of his excitement about his sib’s college. He’s there now, and generally loving it.</p>