Single Parents Seeking Financial Aid - one mother's story

Paying for College
1

<p>Now that our financial aid quest is over, I want to provide some perspective on how colleges assess the situation of a single parent seeking financial aid without a contribution from the ex. Perhaps it will assist someone who has not yet tackled the subject of college costs.</p>

<p>I worked hard to submit the FAFSA, provide tax returns and supporting documents to each college, and included a detailed explanation of the circumstances surrounding my family's situation [namely, my income (relatively high), father's income (zero, supported by his wife), and his refusal to contribute, with a copy of the separation agreement as evidence]. </p>

<p>My son got many large offers of merit aid, but for the few colleges that didn't offer any, we got 0-to negligible need-based aid -Harvard was the only college that threw us a little bone of a $2000 grant per year (reducing $180K to $172K - that makes a HUGE difference in affordability - NOT).</p>

<p>The demonstrated point of view from the financial aid offices amounted to this: "Even through your ex doesn't work, we are attributing a portion of the expenses to him because that's our policy. We are more worried about the possibility of fraud in general than any resulting lack of fairness in your particular situation. He has money available because his wife supports him, so she can pay his share. If she doesn't, well, you're a hard-working single mother, just work harder, and too bad for you." </p>

<p>Of course, the law does not require a spouse to pay college costs for her partner's child from a previous marriage - Catch-22. If you were able to negotiate support for college in your separation agreement, wonderful - the ex must pay it. If not, and your ex refuses to contribute, you are hosed - the financial burden will fall squarely on you and your child. It seems that there are very few circumstances that will prevent the colleges from attributing a portion of the costs to your former spouse - his/her death, imprisonment/mental institution, major disability that prevents any kind of work, or being impossible to locate would be the only exceptions.</p>

<p>When you begin to apply for need-based aid, my advice is to first determine what you can afford on your own - using only your resources and your student's resources. If not, the student should get an agreement from the non-custodial parent for the amount of contribution up front. This can lead to confrontations and clashes - it is a lot to ask of a young person, and they may be unwilling to go to the mat with the parent.</p>

<p>My stepdaughter was successful in forcing her father to contribute towards college only when she finally blew up and told him that if he didn't pay X amount, she would never speak to him again. This was very sad for her, but it worked.</p>

<p>In sum - single parents, you may be unlucky enough to have an ex-spouse with a "convenient belief" that their responsibility ends when the child turns 18. Contingency planning may be a necessity, so my advice is to pluck up your courage and face the downside risk at the very beginning of the process.</p>

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<p>Yulsie,</p>

<p>As one single parent to another, thank you for sharing yor cautionary tale. What I have seen on this FA forum that students seem to be living in a state of denial regarding their non-custodial parents. They are of the mind set of "If I say he's a jerk, and says he won't pay anything, that the school is going to take on my tale of woe and give me more $$). </p>

<p>These situations end up placing the student between a rock and a hard place regarding the FA process. </p>

<p>I really hope the moderators put a sticky nest to your post so that it stays at the top, or at least becomes a featured discussion as the question about non-custodial parents is the one most often asked on this forum.</p>

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<p>Hello. I am about to graduate high school and the story that you told really taught me that I will have to work hard to get where I want to go. My father has not been in my life ever since I was little. He has no contribution in my life and I never received anything from him. I have a twin sister and I know that it will be hard for my mother to send us both to college. She really does not make that much money and I believe that if I take a stand I can acquire enough money to go to college. Your story really has enlightened me, and I believe that it will help me in my college search. Thanks for the story.</p>

4

<p>
[quote]
Of course, the law does not require a spouse to pay college costs for her partner's child from a previous marriage

[/quote]

Likewise, the law does not require the custodial parent to pay college costs, or the parents that are still married for that matter. In fact, the law doesn't require any support for an 18 year old except for extreme disability in some states. </p>

<p>In my D's case, the custodial parent conveniently quit her job as soon as high school graduation and the end of child support payments. D now lives with me and we won't expect any help with college. It works both ways.</p>

5

<p>bandit...so now Lindsey is a Texan (just don't make her a cowbo fan)?....I can still dream of collecting my ice-cream bet from her....with interest now it is three scoops.</p>

<p>yulsie: That was a very good post....and the point you mentioned about kids realistically determining what they can afford or not is worth noting. Each May there are number of kids who are heart broken because the math doesn't work out. Don't count too much on FA. Go with the assumption that math will not workout</p>

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<p>Hi Simba. Yes, Lindsey is here for good. She's interning for the local state senator. Are you packing for Princeton?</p>

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<p>bandit: yes and no....just made plane reservations, opened checking account. We were planning to go couple of days early and hit local Walmart, Target.....</p>

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<p>BossGirl, it is good to be put on the "hard-headed and determined" hat when finances are an important part of the decision process. It can involve tough choices, and the more realistic your point of view, the more effective the use of your energy will be - to target what you really want, determine what it will take, decide if it is workable, and then go after it. If you fall in love with an expensive college, you will need grit as well as fervent aspiration to deliver the goods.</p>

<p>You may find out, however, that you do not end up with a hard and fast "first choice above all others." If so, it puts you at an advantage because you can allow the final selection to be driven by the consumer-led principle of "best value for $" driven.</p>

<p>Best of luck in making sound choices and selecting an excellent school that is affordable and where you will thrive!</p>

9

<p>This is an interesting thread. I am also a single mom - decent income but nothing grand. How does it work if you were never married - I haven't had ANY contact her dad since 1989. For my daughter's applications, I have told to use his name, everything else about him is "unknown" at this point. How will financial aid work with this situation? Never married, no child support Thanks - I have always planned that I would have to take a second job once she goes to college.
Thanks
Janie</p>

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<p>Janie, if you apply for financial aid, you will need letters written by community leaders such as minister, school principal, etc. who can attest to the fact that your daughter has had no contact with the father. You will need to write a personal letter to the school describing your situation. If you have any court documents, they are handy. You have to lay your cards out on the table so to speak. You fill in the information to the best of your ability using "unknown" when appropriate. Believe me, you are not alone. Most schools have processes and forms you must go through and fill out for single, unmarried parents who have never received child support.</p>

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<p>Being an unmarried parent, the school may not make you doggedly pursue your non-custodial parent the way they would if you were married (they do make it a harder process for divorced parents because schools do not are what your divorce decree states).</p>

<p>Different colleges asks for different documentations. The college will have to grant you a non-custodial waiver. </p>

<p>In addition to some of the letters that Overseas stated, you will need a letter from your GC stating: how long they have known you and in what capacity do thiey know you. GC must also attest for as long as they have known you that it has just been you and your child (ren). So if you have a non-custodial parent who hasn't done any thing for your child but shows up to graduation, award nights etc, you will not get a waiver. </p>

<p>Some schools may ask you to get documentation from the courts but it process varies from school to school. If you have child support orders that have not been paid because of the changes in child support (suspending licenses, etc) they may request that you send in documentation from the court that you are actively trying to collect the back money.</p>

<p>Once the college approves your waiver, for subsequent years, you will only have to submit you FA information.</p>

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<p>Thanks for the info. There are no court papers - I never pursued child support. Other than his name on the birth certificate - which I don't even think counts for much since we were not married and paternitiy was never officially established. We have had NO CONTACT with him since 1989 or anyone else in his family. When I do forms for EFC, I noticed that then is no place to account for my loan repayments. I put myself through school fulltime for 6 years while my D was little and am paying off MY student loans until I am 60 (Literally - until I am 60). My D has noticed that college application forms assume more information about the other parent than we have. She is not sure what to put. I have told her to put "unknown". The school district that we are in has always been given that answer from me - unfortunately not that uncommon in an urban setting.
Janie</p>

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<p>HI Janie,</p>

<p>Don't worry about it,answer what you can. Write unknown for the stuff that you cannot answer. The financial aid office(s) will send you letters requesting additional information. They will send the non custodial waiver forms and tell you what you need to submit for documentation. When they make a decision they will also send you a letter letting you know their decision.</p>

<p>Regarding the student loan payments</p>

<p>It depends on the school you are applying to and the financial aid forms they require. IF D's schools only require the FAFSA, there is no space for that. You would then get your award letter and ask for a financial review to have the school take into account that you are paying your student loan.</p>

<p>IF school usses the FAFSA in addition to the CSS profile or their own FA forms, you there is a spot where you can put that you are paying off student loans and your monthly payments.</p>

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<p>Now that I have one child who is a senior at an almost Ivy, and another who is a freshman at an Ivy, I am more comfortable with how "to do" financial aid. I will share some of what I learned.</p>

<p>I earn $40,000 a year, so it is no small task sending two kids 1,500 miles away to colleges that cost over $90,000, combined, this year.</p>

<p>Janie, you are in the best "financial aid" position of us all. </p>

<p>If a father has contact with his children, I think colleges assume he supports them. The courts do. Single mothers whose children's fathers lurk about are in a terrible position when we tell aid officers that our children's fathers will not contribute to their educations. My gut feeling is that the "presumed contribution" of a deadbeat father is subtracted from aid that our children might otherwise be awarded. </p>

<p>To those starting the financial aid adventure for the first time: prepare yourself for complete and total personal and financial exposure. Not only will FAFSA learn everything about you, so will the college financial aid office, your high school counselor, your community scholarship committees; and anybody those people talk to.</p>

<p>If this bothers you, you must get over it. Then get on with the applications as if your child's college education depends on it. </p>

<p>Don't be too proud to fully explain your circumstances. One year an aid package was too high for me and I asked the committee to reconsider. I included a police report I filed that year for money I lost when I was swindled. I was horribly embarrassed, and I didn’t want to admit to the school what happened, but once I did they made it possible for my son to attend that year. </p>

<p>As you fill out the FAFSA, PROFILE, college forms, Federal and State tax forms, supplemental aid forms, and community scholarship forms, be sure that you work from the same numbers. You do not want to sit up at night wondering if the anyone notices high income on your home loan application, and low income on your FAFSA. They will notice. Financial aid fraud is a crime, so be honest. Single parents already have their hands full with ex-spouses who imply they are independently wealthy.</p>

<p>Some people do not know this: do not save money in a kid’s name. Spend it now or transfer it to a parent to maximize financial aid.</p>

<p>You have a better chance of winning a local scholarship than a national scholarship. You do not have to compete with the entire country, (including Westinghouse Science Award winners), for a $2,000 chamber of commerce, or Rotary Club scholarship. Some of the local scholarship committee members might even know you through sports, community service, or church. High school guidance counselors should have lists of scholarships. We found that the county next to ours offers scholarships to students in both counties. Ask the public librarian, check with the police, fire, and ems to see if they give awards, call the chamber of commerce, VFW, large employers in your area, listen to the radio, get the word out to friends and your parents friends, and you will find the local scholarships.</p>

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<p>Cast a wide net: have students apply to every scholarship possible that fits their talents, needs, local, national and those scholarships offered by the schools where they are applying. Bedraggled in April, May and June they may catch a big one! They may not; but unless they give it their all, they will never know what may have been missed.</p>

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<p>I just found this thread, as well a student-started one on divorced parents, and posted there looking for advice. There must be so many of us out there. Yulsie, thank you for your detailed story. Janie, I feel for you and also think your situation might not be so dire depending on the school. Policies vary DRASTICALLY. Columbia, for example, will consider waiving their noncustodial parent info requirement; NYU only wants your FAFSA. </p>

<p>Our own situation is so complicated I hardly know where to begin although I did summarize on the other thread. The upshot is, my daughter's GC is very optimistic; she recently said to me "for students as strong as your daughter, aid has a way of working itself out." This woman has been director of college counseling at my daughter's boarding school (where she's on scholarship) for 30 years and I am quite sure she knows her stuff. But I read others' stories and of course I wonder. I rarely have time to read and post here, but I'll watch when I can, and perhaps we can help each other.</p>

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<p>Amatricia, you need to back up everything with paperwork. Financial aid paperwork for parents and kids can be as time consuming as college apps for students alone. I would be optimistic if your daughter is a top student. In the end, I was blown away by how wonderful the colleges were when dealing with our financial situation. Absolutely amazing and I love them all even though he had to make a decision. I had done everything I needed from the time my son was born including court documentation. But you never know and I was shooting in the dark so to speak, never been there or done that. In the end, with an amazing external scholarship and financial and merit aid from the colleges, the dream of college for my one and only is happening! I feel sooo lucky. I am a school librarian and I took my son overseas to give him a good education and a global world view. I gave up everything, packed all our belongings into 4 suitcases, said goodbye to friends and family. And now I have sent him back to the states, educated & eager to be more educated. So you choose: you can call it a miracle or luck or doing what you need to do. His college is basically free.</p>

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<p>What an interesting story yours is, overseas. I thought of leaving the US, but that would have broken the custodial agreement and risked more legal problems. I had to fight for my daughter and made compromises in order to keep sole custody. But even though we stayed here, she received a wonderful, largely scholarship-financed education at her boarding school and I have to hope that she has an equally bright future ahead of her. Now that I'm starting the FA paperwork, trying to keep everything straight for eight schools, the saved documentation (all those tax returns, custody papers, child support histories etc.) is definitely a big help. Also, I've had four years of practice doing private school FA forms. Still, it's a daunting process. Thanks for the encouragement, in low moments it's easy to feel overwhelmed. </p>

<p>At the moment I'm concerned about waivers of noncustodial parent information, as her dad isn't completely out of her picture. He calls or sees her a few times a year, and child support enforcement garnishes his check when he's working on the books. Her GC has written a letter confirming that I am the only parent to visit and transport regularly and to ever pay a bill, speak with staff, or otherwise respond to school-related needs. I described our situation to the FA officers at the schools offering a waiver (not all do), thinking it wouldn't apply, but they still encouraged us to submit it. Does anyone else reading this thread have experience with these waivers to share?</p>

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<p>Here is my story: Both parents are divorced and never remarried. My dad says he can't afford that much towards my college education. I already know that I have to provide his financial information, so be it. My mom (with whom I live); made pretty good money last year and the year before. However, this year - she has not due to her income being based on her company's performance. Some years are good, some years not so good - but over a three year span it all averages out. She says her income this year will be no more than $18,000 although last year she made more than twice that amount. How will this affect my financial aid? Also, she does have about $100,000 equity in her house and will sell the house if needed to pay for college. Without taking into cosideration, my dad's income (which is not great); how will my Mom's poor income from this year affect my aid for entering college in 2006?</p>

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<p>Worldshopper: Based on advice given to us from my daughter’s GC, you might actually be better off in terms of EFC calculations if your mom’s 2005 income is very low. Unless you’re applying ED somewhere (which is a huge risk for students in your and my daughter’s situation) your mom will be submitting paperwork based solely on her 2005 tax return. Your dad is a wild card; by this time next year I might have some wise experience to share about our similar problem, but right now it’s hard to guess how colleges will treat his information. Some schools do not require CSS profiles or any info at all from a noncustodial parent which obviously would help you. Others, as I mentioned in my post just above, allow you to ask that their requirement for your dad’s info be waived. Hopefully you and your mom can take time to carefully question FA officers at the schools you’re interested in, and then work with those that have policies favorable to you. Equity in a primary residence, fortunately, isn’t counted, and I doubt your mom will have to do anything so drastic as to sell the house for it sounds as if the figures should come out in your favor even with your dad’s income included. However, be sure you have a good state school on your list, so that mom definitely doesn’t have to worry about the family home. :)</p>