<p>Are there any other single parents of boarding school kids? My daughter and I are looking into boarding school for her high school, and I'm worried about it. I'm excited that she wants to go out and be independent, but I'm really worried about how both of us will adjust (I'll be honest, I'm more worried about how I will adjust).</p>
<p>Now, my daughter's only in seventh grade right now, so we're still only poking around, but this was one of the first things that came up when she brought up boarding school.
Any advice? Thank you!</p>
<p>Well I<code>m not a single parent but I can relate to what you</code>re feeling. My 10th grader is in boarding school in Switzerland and my 8th grader is soon to be accepted to either a New England BS or Switzerland. I<code>m starting to panic that I</code>m going to be a premature empty nester.</p>
<p>I am a single parent who’s only child started bs this past fall. </p>
<p>Let’s begin, I MISS HER…a lot!!!</p>
<p>But, bs was the best thing for my d. Academically, socially and emotionally. She has not been this happy in many years. Now my d didnt come from a terrible home life, but educationally the only other option was college. Socially she is 15. She now has a peer group that she feels she fits into. It’s ok to be smart and excel and love to read. No more teasing. Emotionally we have a very close relationship, and bs has made it stronger. As someone else pointed out in another post, the day-to-day struggles aren’t there and our conversations are much more meaningful. She stays very busy and doesnt call enough, but the school breaks we really, really, enjoy being together. </p>
<p>I love having some place to go (going this week-4 days). I feel she even appreciates me and all I have done even more. </p>
<p>Again, I miss her always…she even talks to me about ME dating—go figure–lol</p>
<p>I spoke to a another student’s Dad who asked me if I cringed every time I walked by my D’s empty bedroom. That just about put me over the edge. I had not considered that it hurt them as much as the moms. But you know what - it gets better with time, and the hugs you get when they are home last for hours instead of nanoseconds.</p>
<p>In the interim, when you Skype you get such a rich experience. One Skype can last me for quite a while. Especially since you can see they are happy and see other students bouncing in and out of the dorm room asking about homework, want to go to the mall, can I borrow your dress, etc…</p>
<p>We also get texts several times a week to let us know she’s alive. </p>
<p>It’s hard. I cried a lot at first. But much less so when you see they are happy and thriving academically in ways they can’t be at home. My D is going to Europe this spring with her classmates. I never had that type of opportunity even when I was at BS. So know if you send your child away - it may be one of the most selfless acts you’ll make as a mom. And they do come home a lot. holiday and spring breaks are a lot longer than the are in public school. </p>
<p>I’m not a single mother - but the empty nest syndrome is just as poignant. So I come here and play with the other moms. They’re a fun bunch.</p>
<p>Exie, that is true what you mentioned about the wonderful opportunity BS is offering our kids. It is so much more than what I had when growing up. Also, holidays and breaks are more appreciated when daughter is home from Europe. The quantity of time is less but the quality of time is more.</p>
<p>Boarding school isn’t exactly a common thing around here, and I’ve gotten some pretty mean comments from people when I say something about looking into boarding schools. Just the other day, someone called me a “horrible excuse for a mother” when I said I was considering boarding school for my daughter.</p>
<p>I guess I just need a little reassurance that boarding school is a good thing to look at. The local public schools leave a lot to be desired, and the private schools have ridiculously expensive tuition and offer very little in the way of financial aid.</p>
<p>I hadn’t even considered boarding school until my daughter brought it up one day, saying something about a good friend of hers going to boarding school for high school. From what I’ve seen, I’m very impressed, but I still have a lot of concerns. The main one being that she would be eligible for one of the two boarding schools in our state, and she’s not interested at all in the other, so she would have to go out of state.</p>
<p>Does anyone have any opinions of all girls versus co-ed?</p>
<p>My D only wanted co-ed. We sent her sister to a local all-girls school. Each suited the girls in the way a swap would not have. My oldest did comment on how being at an all girl’s school meant no focus on makeup and dating took place “off site.” But she was a late bloomer. But my youngest who is not dating yet, would have hated it because she has close friends of both genders and is getting a pretty full experience because of it. It’s really more about atmosphere and where your D is at emotionally. Investigate both and then see if any the school personalities are a good fit. One would think there are no “dating” issues at an all-girl school but there are. And enough cross-pollination with co-ed and boy schools through team events and dances to facilitate that. </p>
<p>But on your other point - it’s rare here too to get support. It’s more common to get lectured or called out for being a bad parent. I was prepared. When I was growing up my mother got criticized even by relatives for letting me look into it. Now here it is “centuries” later and when my D announced she was applying some teachers teased her that her “parents” didn’t love her anymore. Even when I take a care package to the post office and people find out I’m not sending it to a college they ask “how could you let your D go so far away?” </p>
<p>I respond “Since our district has only provisional accreditation and the average ACT score is 14-16 which is too low to even qualify as a sanitation worker - how could you let your child stay? Isn’t that child abuse?” That usually shuts them up and they ask for websites to look at.</p>
<p>You’ll have the last laugh. I promise you. Our kids are going to soar in ways we can’t even imagine.</p>
<p>Southern-my d was initially against all girls, even though I attended an all girl-catholic school. Once we made a visit, Miss Porters, my d said she could see her self there. She enjoyed watching the all girls have great discussions in English and History classes. </p>
<p>I told her she had to apply to one, she did, but also 6 co-ed schools.</p>
<p>She was accepted at the all girls but her first love/choice accepted her. She would have preferred all-girl then any of the home options.</p>
<p>I live in the south (GA), but am a transplant so I can’t quite use your moniker. </p>
<p>When we were considering BS for our d, it was indeed a foreign concept to many people here. I think they equated BS with reform school. One person in the whole school had heard of Andover. However, my husband’s boss, the CEO of the organization was well aware of the school. Once the people at our school started to find out more, they realized what an honor and achievement it was for her. </p>
<p>I don’t mean this in a condescending way, but people who have lived with mediocrity (in education) all their lives don’t really expect or demand anything more. If you’ve never been exposed to other possibilities they aren’t even on your radar. </p>
<p>A funny, true story…my d’s teacher here in GA told her that there is no such thing as the Bible Belt. What!!! Well, I suppose if you’ve lived all your life in the South you may certainly think it’s the national norm to ask about one’s faith upon your first meeting. However you know that is NOT the norm if you’ve lived in other places. Perception of excellence in education (and the existence of the Bible Belt) is relative. </p>
<p>I encourage you to not let other peoples’ narrow perceptions get in your daughter’s way. They probably have no idea what kind of opportunity could be in store for her.</p>
<p>SouthernBelle – Not a single mom either but my daughter was the only one in her well-thought-of middle school to even consider boarding and there were kids from all over the world there. And we heard it all from ‘what did you do wrong?’ in a shocked tone from her friends to ‘I could <em>never</em> send <em>my</em> child so far away’ from outraged strangers and my quizzical friends.</p>
<p>What I told them is that I would not permit my emotional needs to take precedence over my D’s need to grow in the best way for her. That would be selfish. You shoulda seen the looks I got when that came out…g. Keeping her at home just because I would miss her would be like stunting her growth because I don’t like tall people…or something equally absurd. She’s a child, not a bonsai. </p>
<p>She’s a 4-year senior now. Yes, I miss her every day. Yes, there are times when she’s needed me and I could not be there. But it has definitely been worth it. She knows who she is in ways that most people don’t learn until college…and not always then. </p>
<p>Two words: Unlimited Texting. Trust me, it’s a lifesaver.</p>
That usually shuts them up and they ask for websites to look at.</p>